The Art of Selflessness
by angeldylan628
Summary: Chris Keller is going to teach Peyton Sawyer the beauty of being selfish once and awhile and Lucas Scott is just going to have to learn to deal with it. That or he could be a man and finally own up to his feelings. LucasPeytonChris fic. Set after S3.
1. Mutual Symbiosis

A/N: Okay, so to begin, I must say this work is my baby. I have been working on this fic for over a year. I had the entire thing written and then deleted it all, save a few parts that I actually liked. This is a Chris/Peyton/Lucas love triangle fic. It takes place after S3. The only difference from S3 is that Peyton never told Brooke about her feelings for Lucas. So, Brucas is still together.

So yeah, this is my baby, as I've stated previously. So I really would love reviews. I'm usually not a review whore, but for this fic…I kinda am.

Special thanks to Ellie (Elliemo-go read her BP oneshot!) She's my awesome beta. She's also a BLer, who's gonna beta this nonetheless. And that's why I love her. And why she needed a little praising in this extremely long Author's Note.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or Simple Plan's "Welcome to My Life"

Chapter One: Mutual Symbiosis

_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?_

_Are you sick of everyone around?_

_With their big fake smiles and stupid lies_

_While deep inside you're bleeding_

Have you ever felt a moment that defines where you are in life? That clarifies the meaning behind your existence. That makes everything you've suffered through and strived for clairvoyant. Maybe you've been walking along the street and you see an old married couple and all of the sudden you realize you and your fiancé are going to be that way fifty years from now. Or maybe you'll find a letter from your best friend from high school who you've long since parted ways with but that letter reminds you of the good times, and you realize how far you've come since then. Or maybe, just maybe you could be sitting on a poorly constructed bed on a stage before a crowd of sixty or seventy people when the boy sitting next to you mutters the words "I love you" and a flash of various moments barrel through your head. It's a montage, an epithet to your love. And it's those moments that bring you to the realization that you love him. You could probably sit there and revel in those moments, revel in the realization that you love this boy and it's only taken you two years to realize that. You'd sit next to him on the makeshift bed forever…if only you didn't have to deliver your line.

"I love you too."

The applause sounds. The curtain drops. You throw your head back and let out a small cry. The moment is over.

---------

Peyton Sawyer hated her luck. She had ever since she was a little girl. It seemed whenever things were going her way something would pop up out of nowhere and go "Surprise! Take two steps back and land in the puddle." Take the day she had gotten accepted into the crowded art program at her grade school. Her mother died that night. Or how about when she finally got a comfortable relationship with someone who treated her right? Yeah, he left to hunt down his daughter. Or how about when she finally rekindled her relationship with her birth mother? Ellie had died. Not convinced yet? She hadn't even begun talking about Lucas.

Lucas Scott. She couldn't live with him. She couldn't live without him. It seemed that no matter how far she pushed him away; he always snuck his way back into her life. He was like a parasite that fed off of her angst and heartbreak. Although, maybe it was more like mutual symbiosis, two organisms co-existing and gaining from their interaction. It made sense seeing as she benefited from his nurture just like he gained something (she wasn't quite sure what) from helping her. Whatever the relationship could be classified as, whether parasitic or mutualism, it was not healthy. No matter what her biology book might tell her.

It sucked. Because love is not biology, okay? Bees don't fall in love with the flowers they help pollinate. Any guesses why? Bees know that flowers won't ever love bees back. Because bees sting. They're cold and unfeeling and they only want the flower for the sweetness it can give. They can't be all pretty and shiny for the flower. They can only give it what it needs and nothing more. Mutual symbiosis. And that's exactly what Peyton was. A bee. Lucas would never want to be with someone like her. Someone who couldn't give him more than a truckload of emotional problems to nurture. Nope. Not when he had a beautiful rose of a girlfriend in Brooke. Brooke who was, and would always be a flower. Full of light and joy and cheerfulness and love.

Flowers stick to flowers. Bees stick to bees. And once and awhile, flowers and bees lean on each other. But it can't be more. So then why did this bee have to fall in love with this stupid flower? Well that answer was simple. Peyton Sawyer had no luck.

"I've got to stop thinking about this," Peyton muttered as she flipped another page in her biology textbook. She had tried to cast away all thoughts of Lucas while she studied for her midterms, but that had ended in vain. It seemed no matter what she was reading; she could find a way to connect it to Lucas. Whether it was American Literature (Great Gatsby was Lucas's favorite novel), Math (he always furrowed his eyebrows when he tried to figure out Calculus) or Biology (that's where the mutual symbiosis came in), Lucas could be connected to anything if Peyton tried hard enough.

But that was the thing. Peyton wasn't trying at all. If anything, she was trying her best to disregard the feelings she had just discovered for the blonde haired boy…Then again, she had lied just there. She technically hadn't "just" discovered these feelings. It had been a little bit. Two weeks to be exact. But really that just made it worse because she now knew the feelings weren't a fluke. She hadn't seen him or talked to him for two weeks and yet he was all she could think about.

She was avoiding him. Well, him and Brooke for that matter. It hadn't been intentional. These two weeks had been hectic for everyone, most especially Brooke and Lucas. Nathan was still in the hospital after the accident as was Rachel. Lucas was still reeling over the fact that his baby brother almost didn't make it. Even without having said a word to him about it, Peyton knew he blamed himself for it. That's just who Lucas was and now, she had heard that he was spending most of his time brooding in his bedroom. Brooke, on the other hand, had been spending most of her time going back and forth between hospital rooms, comforting Haley over Nathan's impending surgery and helping Rachel get over Cooper who had skipped town the second he got discharged. Rachel had also lost the baby she was carrying, and while she tried to pretend it was a relief, everyone knew she was heartbroken, especially Peyton.

Peyton had managed to grab all this information from Rachel, herself. She had been sneaking visits to her and Nathan when she knew the other two thirds of her dreaded love triangle were at Karen's picking up food. She had learned to time it perfectly. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Lucas and Brooke. She just didn't know how to act around Lucas. She didn't know if Brooke would be able to sense her feelings. Brooke always had a sixth sense when it came to love. She could feel it in the air. And that scared Peyton.

"Screw it," Peyton muttered, frustrated, as she slammed her book shut. It was no use trying to study when all she could think about was her screwed up love life. Her screwed up friendship. Her screwed up life in general.

She needed to take a walk to clear her head, or at least to get out of the house for a little bit. She spared a glance at the clock as she slid her leather jacket on. 3:47. She could go visit Nathan and Rachel. Brooke and Lucas would probably still be at Karen's. Sighing, she head out the door, not bothering to lock it. It was Tree Hill after all. Breaking and entering wasn't exactly running rampant. The sudden burst of cool air against her skin made her pull her jacket close to her body. She had trouble reminding herself that it wasn't quite summer yet. They were stuck in spring, which in Tree Hill was as volatile and unpredictable as a drunk Mrs. Davis. The analogy brought a bitter smile to Peyton's face. She remembered the times Brooke had spent the night at her house trying to escape the humiliation her drunken mother brought upon her. Brooke had been hurt so many times and Peyton knew that if Brooke could read her thoughts right now, she'd be hurt once again.

She felt like scum for feeling this way. For betraying her friend yet again. It wasn't like she could help it though. The heart wants what it wants, as Haley would say, and her heart wanted Lucas, no matter how much she tried to deny it and pretend it didn't exist. Peyton Sawyer loved and would always love Lucas Scott…unfortunately…

6 billion souls and all you need is one. And Peyton's one belonged to someone else.

---------

"Well, well, well, look who the cat dragged in," Nathan croaked, his voice groggy from sleep. Even through the grogginess though, there was a smirk always present on his face.

"Hey you," Peyton smiled, as she took a seat next to him, "What's up?"

"Not much," Nathan sighed, "My back hurts like you wouldn't believe. The nurses are starting to wean me off pain killers."

"Ooh, sounds like fun."

"Sarcasm is not necessary, Sawyer. You try feeling like this."

"Well you're the one who just _had_ to play hero," Peyton said rolling her eyes.

"Yeah I should probably leave that to Lucas," Nathan sighed, "His body must be built for this shit. I jump in a river and wind up with a slipped disc in my back and a torn muscle. He walks into a school shooting and leaves without a scratch." Nathan looked at Peyton, who had her head cast down.

"True." It was all she could think to say.

"I'm sorry," Nathan said, frowning, "We should have a no Lucas talk rule."

"It's really okay," Peyton smiled.

"No it's not. You're in love with my idiot brother again."

Peyton's jaw dropped. "What did you say?"

"Well, unlike everyone else in Tree Hill, I have this thing called intuition. And my intuition is telling me you're in love with Lucas. That's why you don't come to visit when Lucas or Brooke are here. It's why Brooke keeps going 'Have you heard from Peyton?' why you broke down during the rehearsal skit, and most importantly, why you couldn't take your eyes off of him the whole wedding."

Peyton bit her lip so hard that it almost bled. She didn't know what to say, how to deny it. Hell, if she couldn't just deny it to Nathan, how would she ever deny it to Lucas or Brooke?

"Where's Haley?" Ah, avoidance. Her old friend.

"She's at Karen's," Nathan chuckled. He decided not to press the matter. This was Peyton's way of admitting his intuition was right. "She's tutoring Brooke in calculus."

"Oh," Peyton nodded, "Well that's nice."

"I think that this conversation has turned awkward," Nathan teased. Peyton reached over and slapped him on the chest.

"Oh! Hey! Injured person! You do not slap the injured person."

"You deserved it for bringing up Lucas."

"Well, you deserve the awkwardness for being in love with the idiot."

"Nathan! He's your brother!"

"Yeah, and my brother does not deserve you. Not anymore."

Peyton got really silent, her fingers fiddling with the strap of her purse. If anything, she didn't think she deserved Lucas. He was so kind and loving and passionate. The perfect boyfriend. When he loved something, he'd put his whole heart into it. Every other taboo or relationship rule would go out the window. She admired that. She feared it. She didn't deserve that sort of thing.

"He deserves better than me," Peyton whispered, a sad smile gracing her face, "Brooke, for instance."

"Oh yes, Brooke," Nathan muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Hey! Brooke's a great, kind, caring person. And a wonderful, forgiving friend."

"Forgiving, eh?" Nathan snorted at the thought.

"Yes, forgiving."

"If anything, I think Brooke is a whiny, insecure, manipulative bitch."

"Seriously?" Peyton gasped.

"Seriously," Nathan said, cringing as he shifted in bed, his back still sore from surgery.

"I thought you liked Brooke."

"I do," Nathan admitted, "I like a lot of things about her. She's beautiful. She's funny. She has a good heart. But what I don't like is Brooke when she's around you. Because she makes you lose your fire."

"Huh," Peyton noted, furling her eyebrows. She didn't know what to say.

"What can I say? I'm Team Peyton."

"Oh Lord," Peyton rolled her eyes, "There is no Team Peyton or Team Brooke. We're best friends."

"Until she finds out you're in love with her boyfriend…again. And then we'll all have to take sides. Lucas included."

"She won't find out," Peyton warned, her eyes locking with his. "And Lucas would choose Brooke. He loves her."

"Yeah, but Lucas can't deny you anything. He can't stay away. He's like a moth and you're a flame. Or a-"

"Bee and a flower?" Peyton smirked. Nathan quirked an eyebrow. "Never mind, Nate. Long story."

"Right," Nathan nodded.

"Well, I should get going," Peyton sighed, standing up, "I think I've had enough Team Brooke, Team Peyton talk."

"Just don't deny it," Nathan said as she leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Deny what?" Peyton said, somewhat confused.

"If she asks or guesses that you love Lucas, don't deny it. It'll just make it worse."

"Easy for you to say, Nate. You're not in love with your best friend's boyfriend. Again."

"Wow lucky me," Nathan rolled his eyes, "You really don't realize how lucky you are, huh? You're not stuck in a hospital in pain all day."

"Dude, when I got shot in the leg, I had to last three hours in a library with no painkillers."

"I've got bills piling up at home," Nathan argued, "We'll probably lose the apartment."

"My dad works 2,000 miles away just to keep a house over our head."

"My wife almost left me."

"Both my moms died."

"I have Dan."

"Fine! You win," Peyton exclaimed throwing up her arms.

"I always win," Nathan said smugly.

"I'm telling Haley," Peyton said as she exited the room.

"Nice try, Peyt. You wouldn't do that," Nathan called after her, "Hey! Sawyer! You were joking, right?"

No answer.

"Peyton Elizabeth, that's really not funny!"

-------

Peyton chuckled the entire way to the elevator. She loved how easy it was to win with Nathan. You let him get away with his little games, and then you just threatened to tell Haley, and he got like a scared little puppy. He was whipped beyond belief, and she loved exploiting that.

The laughter, however, died on her lips as soon as the elevator door opened. There, in all his glory, was Lucas Scott. His crystal blue eyes locked with hers. Wow. This was so not what she needed right now.

"Hey you," Lucas ventured as he rubbed her shoulder, "Where've you been hiding?"

"Umm, around," she said, immediately cursing herself for the shakiness of her voice. It was just so hard to ignore the tingles that shot through her system whenever he touched her.

"Around?" Lucas said, furrowing his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yeah well finals…and stuff. I've been busy studying." She was stuttering like a fool, but hell, whenever she lied, she always felt like a fish out of water. Her mouth even gasped kind of like a fish did when it was struggling for air.

"So you finally got time to see Nathan?"

"Huh?" Peyton asked, having been awaken from her trance.

"Well…" Lucas said trying to hide his amusement from her wackiness, "You've been MIA. I just assumed-"

"This is my ninth visit," Peyton corrected, having gained her confidence back, "I always come around this time which is probably why we never run into each other."

"I'm usually working at the café," Lucas nodded.

"Where's Brooke?" Peyton asked, looking around him as if the brunette had magically managed to hide behind him for the whole conversation.

"With Haley still. It seems _someone_ was supposed to tutor her in calculus but since she's been MIA, she went to Haley."

"Oh," Peyton said, blinking once, "I forgot about that."

"Yeah, clearly," Lucas said, eyeing her strangely, "Peyt, are you okay?"

"I'm fine! Peachy! Dandy! Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're acting odd."

"It's all in your head."

"Well if you're sure…" Lucas trailed off, knowing he wasn't sure one bit.

"I am," Peyton said pushing past him so she could get into the elevator, "I should get home and study some more biology."

"Have you started the chapter on mutual symbiosis? That stuff's pretty hard."

"Actually," Peyton said as the doors' began to close, "That may be the only thing I comprehend."

"Huh," Lucas said, shrugging his shoulders. He placed his hands in his pockets and gave her a small, goofy smile as the doors closed.

Goal for today when Peyton Sawyer woke up: Avoid Lucas Eugene Scott.

Goal accomplished? No.

But when did things ever go her way?

-------

_To be hurt_

_To feel lost_

_To be left out in the dark_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you _

_No you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life_

_-------_

So did I lose you with the mutual symbiosis? lol. No Chris yet, but he'll come in chapter three. Let me know what you think.


	2. What Friends Are Not For

A/N: So this is what reviews get you…a fast update…well fast for my standards. lol. Anyways, I want to thank y'all so much for the support. You broke my record for most reviews for a single chapter and you broke it by a TON. I hope y'all continue to read along and review. Reviews seriously make my day. Special thanks to my darling Ellie for beta'ing!

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or Tegan and Sara's "Don't Confess"

Chapter Two: What Friends Are Not For

_Don't think I'll confess_

_Don't think I'll confess that I_

_Don't think I'll deny_

_Don't think I'll deny that I_

_Don't be so hard on yourself _

_You won't get better till you get worse_

Miami Beach. Cancun. Panama City, Florida. Hot sun. Cool beaches. Sand between your toes. Cold beer in one hand, your lover for the day's hand in the other. Loud music pumping through your ears. A nice tan. Dancing and grinding in provocative swimwear. All in all, fun.

That was what traditional spring break was all about. For Peyton Sawyer and the rest of her Tree Hill clan, spring break had been nothing near that. It had been hospital visits, fighting and emotional stress. But that was Tree Hill for you. Nothing was meant to come easy. Nothing was drama free.

Peyton sighed as she finished outlining her psychology chapter. The outline wasn't actually for her. She had been doing it for Rachel. During her trips to the hospital, Rachel had told her all about how far behind she was in the class. Peyton, being the good friend that she was, offered to help her study during their hospital visits. Rachel was more than grateful.

Then it made her think of her broken promise to Brooke. She was supposed to tutor her in Calculus and here she was helping Brooke's former arch-enemy. It made no sense for someone who was supposedly a "good friend" to ditch her best friend out of fear. But then again, fear ruled Peyton Sawyer's life for the longest time.

There was always a fear deep inside her of being discovered. That the real her would be exposed to the world or even just to those she held closest to her. And they'd hate her. Because she was always a different breed then most around her. She wasn't content with the simple things in life. She had this constant feeling of unrest, this need to go out and make something of herself. To be better. She deserved better than this shitty small town with its never-ending drama.

Those moments when she felt that way were few and far between now though. She had buried them beneath veils and layers of false smiles and gentle reassurances. She no longer went after anything she wanted or needed. No. She took what she got and smiled about it. She had learned to pretend she was happy. And no one could tell the difference. Even Nathan, who intuitively guesses she loved Lucas, didn't know the half of it. Just how much she loved him. How much she'd give up or lose to be with him. How much it hurt each day to wake up without him. No, he didn't understand it. To him, it just seemed like a moment in time that would pass with the days. He could see an end to that feeling she felt for Lucas. Peyton knew better.

The art of selflessness. The ability to put everyone else's needs before your own. To excel in the matter of hiding your own wants and desires in the hope of keeping those around you happy and content. One who practices the art lives by the motto 'ignorance is bliss' and they are skilled in fake smiles, heartfelt reassurances, and hidden tears. If ever there was a master of the art of selflessness, it was, indeed, Peyton Sawyer.

"P. Sawyer!" a cheery voice split through the dead silence of her house, and Peyton felt a small tear slide down her cheek. The tear seemed to have no purpose because Peyton wasn't sad. No, in fact, this was her on a good day. But tears seemed to be shed for no reason nowadays and Peyton took it in stride, wiping it off her cheek and smiling as her brunette best friend rounded the corner into her bedroom.

"Hey Brooke," she said softly.

"Where the hell have you been, Peyton?" Brooke said worriedly as she slapped her shoulder with a rolled up Cosmo magazine, "I have been worried sick about you."

Peyton's face immediately fell a little. Brooke's worry was real, not the fake type most friends would say in passing to express their distaste at your absence. "I'm sorry. I've just been studying for finals."

"Studying?" Brooke said slowly drawing out the word. She didn't seem to buy it one bit.

"Yeah. Biology has been tough all year and I just need to get this stuff down."

"Well, I don't know, Peyt. It might help if you used the biology book instead of the psychology one."

"Ha, ha," Peyton said, rolling her eyes, "I've actually been taking notes for Rachel. I'm helping her study for her final."

"Hmm," Brooke said, "So you'll help the girl-who-got-you-liquoured-up-and-stuck-you-in-my-boyfriend's-hotel-room pass psychology but you'll ditch your best-friend-who's-loved-you-forever when she needs help in Calculus."

"I forgot about Calculus," Peyton admitted frowning, "I'll make it up to you."

"Yes, you will," Brooke nodded, opening her magazine, "Do you see this?"

"Hmm 101 ways to orgasm faster? Why Brooke, I'm flattered really, but as I told Anna, I don't swing that way. Maybe we can work out another method for repayment."

"Funny, Sawyer. Try the other page."

Peyton glanced over and her eyebrows immediately furrowed at the site. There on plain white page stood a single pair of shoes, "A pair of shoes? I'm confused. Maybe we should have stuck with the sex."

"Peyt!" Brooke whined, "Not just any shoes. Look closely."

Peyton leaned closer to the magazine, squinting her eyes to read the fine print under the ad. "Breda. Is that a type of cheese?"

"No! It's one of the new pairs in Manolo Blahnik's summer shoe collection, and guess who just got a birthday check from Papa Davis?"

"Oh no," Peyton said, her eyes immediately widening, "I am NOT going shoe shopping with you!"

"But you love shopping with me!"

"Clothes? Yes. Perfume? Totally. Lingerie? Sign me up. But shoe shopping with you is like playing poker with the devil. I know I'm going to lose lots of money and most likely my sanity."

"Wow. You've been really working on those analogies, huh?" Brooke said as she scanned Peyton's closet.

"I'm quite proud of that one," Peyton said as she closed her notebook, "What are you doing in there, Davis?"

"Picking out some nice sneakers for you to wear on our shopping spree."

"Were you not just listening? I said no."

"Yeah, well I'm invoking my right to veto that seeing as you abandoned me for two weeks to study biology. Meanwhile, I've been having a mini-crisis."

Peyton's eyes softened as she stood from her spot and headed over to the closet where Brooke was holding up a red strapless shirt in front of her.

"Brooke," Peyton began softly, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Brooke responded, turning around to face her. "I'm just stressed is all. There's just been a lot of fighting lately."

Peyton bit her lip, deciding it was best not to bring up Lucas. Brooke would tell her when she was ready to divulge. Peyton was more than glad to delay Lucas talk. Instead, she opted for wrapping her arms around the small brunette.

"It'll be okay," she whispered softly as she rubbed her back.

"Oh what would I do without you, P. Sawyer," Brooke sighed and Peyton immediately felt her heart drop a little. _You'd probably be happy,_ she thought. They pulled away from the embrace and Brooke immediately smiled widely, "Now, get you boney ass in those sneakers and meet me downstairs. We have to pick up Haley."

"Haley's coming? Why didn't you say so?" Peyton said as she quickly pulled her sneakers on, "Now I'll have someone to complain with."

Brooke scurried out of the room, her brown hair bouncing lightly. Peyton tugged at her own golden locks, pulling them into a ponytail. It was finally long enough to be put up which would piss Brooke off. She always said that when Peyton put her hair up, it made the poignancy of her nose and the definition of her cheeks stand out too much. What Brooke didn't understand is that while most girls tried to adhere to some standard set of beauty, Peyton didn't. She liked to look different, to stand out from the crowd in any subtle way possible.

Sighing, Peyton took one more glance in the mirror before pulling the elastic band from the back of her head. Maybe it'd be better to blend in today.

-----------

"Ooh Nickelback!"

"Ugh, I'm changing the channel," Peyton said rolling her eyes as she flipped the radio station.

"But Far Away's such a pretty song," Brooke said, dreamily.

"All their songs sound the same."

"Now you're sounding like my boyfriend."

"Well that's because Lucas and I have great taste, N'SYNC girl," Peyton said, sticking out her tongue. She thought back to the summer Brooke had left and the days spent in Peyton's bedroom analyzing the classics and comparing them to bands of today. They had critiqued every band under the sun.

"You're over thinking the music," Brooke said rolling her eyes, "That's the problem with you and Broody. You two spend your time picking apart every word in every song when you should just listen to it. If it sounds nice, it's good music."

"How black and white of you," Peyton mused, smirking.

"Not everything is shades of gray. People like to complicate things," Brooke said, as they pulled up in front of Haley's apartment. She honked the horn twice.

Peyton furrowed her eyebrows, thinking about the words. Brooke didn't understand it, the reason that Peyton saw the world as all shades of gray. Because Brooke had it easy. Don't get her wrong, she knew Brooke had suffered pain and gone through trying times, but she would never understand the complexity that life could offer. She hadn't lost a mother who wasn't really her mother and a birthmother who she hadn't known for more than a few months. She was still reeling over how to treat both situations. It felt odd now to grieve the woman she had called mother all of her life, and it felt even more uncomfortable to grieve the woman who was her actual mother. But grieving dead parents wasn't the half of it. Brooke had never fallen in love with some one she wasn't allowed to love. The complexity of being in love with someone you couldn't have made you pick apart every situation you were in with them. You analyzed it, studied it and tried to figure out how you could love them when you know you shouldn't. You tried to discover how something like it came about. You pinpointed the subtleties of the relationship. That was a great example of shades of gray. Probably the best she had.

It always came back to Lucas, didn't it?

She huffed as the thoughts of Lucas tried to ebb their way back into her mind, even now as she sat next to his girlfriend. Brooke must have taken it as a sign that she, too, was frustrated with Haley taking her sweet time to get in the car.

"Hey Mrs. Scott!" Brooke yelled out the window, her voice waking Peyton from her trance, "Hurry your little butt down here!"

"Well excuse me, Ms. Davis," Haley said, rolling her eyes as she pushed open the door to the backseat, "I had to find the money Nathan hid from me to pay for his new Nikes."

"How'd that go?" Peyton asked.

"It was easy. He hides it in the same place every month," Haley frowned, "Now I kind of feel bad taking it."

"Well technically we are going shoe shopping," Brooke grinned.

"I doubt Nathan will want to share any of the shoes you plan on making us try on."

"I don't know," Peyton smirked, "Nathan in stilettos sounds pretty sexy."

"Okay eww," Haley whined, covering her face with her hands.

"Oh I agree," Brooke chimed in, "And if he includes that feather boa he had in his sex box-"

"Wait, how do you two know about his sex box?"

"P. Sawyer dated him," Brooke said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "She loved that box."

"Well, it was the only thing Nathan and I had going for us. Sex."

"Okay, why did I bother coming shopping again?" Haley said covering her ears now; "I do not want to hear about Nathan's past sexual endeavors especially now that I know you've seen the sex box."

"I bought the sex box," Peyton smirked.

"Oh God…" Haley whined.

"Well this should be fun," Brooke sighed.

------------

Four hours and two pairs of Manolo Blanik shoes, both of which were Brooke's, later, the three girls now sat in the food court of Tree Hill mall, sipping large cokes from McDonalds. Peyton had tried to order them some fries but Brooke immediately scolded her. It would go straight to their thighs and prom was just around the corner. Haley and Peyton had exchanged eye rolls behind the brunette at the thought. Prom was two months away.

"So how's everyone doing?" Brooke asked cheerily. She was on a sugar high combined with the fact that she had just purchased expensive items and Peyton knew that Brooke's outlet for that energy was gossip.

"Good," Haley shrugged, "Nathan should be out of the hospital by this weekend."

"Oh Hales, that's fabulous!"

"I know," she nodded, "I can't wait. It gets so hard keeping him entertained in that hospital. He's one of those people who needs constant supervision or he goes into this super depression."

"So you've mentioned," Brooke sighed, "In fact, I'm shocked that you were able to get out for the day. Who do you have staying with him? Deb?"

"Oh you'll get a kick out of this one," Haley said, a smirk forming on her face, "Chris Keller."

"What?!" Brooke hissed, her eyes widening.

"Really?" Peyton said quirking an eyebrow. She remembered the last time she had seen Chris Keller. More specifically, she remembered his red, swollen cheek; fresh from the slap she had delivered. Good times.

"Yeah, he came back into town for our wedding, but like the idiot he is, he messed up the date. He heard about the accident in the paper and came to visit."

"Well that was almost decent of him," Brooke said darkly.

"I know. Anyways, it seems Nathan and him are getting along now. He comes by sometimes and arranges poker games with the nurses in Nate's room. I'd almost venture to say they're friends."

"Hell is freezing over and somewhere pigs are flying," Peyton said, sipping her drink.

"My thoughts exactly," Brooke said, before setting her eyes on Peyton, "Now what about you, Ms. Broody? What have you been up to?"

"Like I told you, Brooke, studying for finals."

"But finals are like months away," Brooke whined, "We still have prom and stuff!"

"No, that's where you're wrong. I'm in the advanced program so that I'll graduate on time with a wide range of classes in my background. That means I have to take two sets of finals. One of which starts as soon as I get back from break."

"So that's what Rachel was blabbering on and on about," Brooke said, letting out a long breath.

"Rachel's in the program too?" Haley asked letting out a snort in disbelief.

"Rachel's actually pretty smart," Peyton defended, "And she's trying to get into a good college for architecture."

"How do you know her life story?" Brooke asked, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I've been visiting her at the hospital," Peyton shrugged.

"Okay enough Rachel talk," Haley said quickly, obviously not to keen on the subject of the redhead, "How are you doing Brooke?"

"Oh I'm fine," she said waving her hand and putting on her fakest and most convincing smile. Haley and Peyton exchanged looks.

"Brooke, we're not buying it."

"Fine," Brooke sighed, her face dropping, "Lucas and I are fighting."

"So?" Haley asked stirring her straw around her cup. Seeing her companions confused faces, she elaborated, "I'm just saying you and Lucas fight all the time. It's what you do. Big fights. Big make-ups. Nothing gets solved."

"Thank you, Dr. Phil," Brooke muttered, crossing her arms.

"What's it over this time?" Peyton asked quietly, though she didn't really know if she could be of any help. She always felt like any advice she gave to Brooke was wrong, even when she tried really hard to help her friend when it came to Lucas. Either it helped Brooke, which in turn hurt her own heart or didn't help Brooke, which caused her to feel like she purposely did it subconsciously.

"Well," Brooke sighed, "Promise me you won't get mad?"

"I won't," Peyton promised, internally sighing over the fact that it was over her again. Brooke hadn't even mentioned her name yet and she could sense it. Why else would she be asking if it would make her mad?

"Okay, well, yesterday Lucas came by Rachel's house after he went to visit Nathan. You do know that's where I went to stay after the wedding? I don't know if I made myself clear on the answering machine."

Peyton nodded, knowing well that Brooke had offered to house sit while Rachel was in the hospital. She would also be staying there a couple months to help Rachel recover. Peyton couldn't help but feel a little relieved that she wouldn't have to witness anymore Brooke and Lucas screaming matches, or the make-ups that would follow.

"Right," Brooke continued, "So he came over and he was helping me rearrange Rachel's furniture so it would be easier for her to move around when she got home. P.S. Rachel's dresser must weight at least 300lbs. I didn't know leather pants and skimpy halters could weigh so much-"

"Brooke, focus," Haley said, snapping her fingers so the girl would get back on track.

"Anyways, Lucas mentioned you."

"Me?" Peyton said, furrowing her eyebrows, "What's wrong about him mentioning me?" Peyton felt a little frustrated with the idea of Brooke being mad. She had done her best to avoid Lucas. It wasn't like he was going out of his way to talk to her either.

"Well, it's usually fine. I'm fine with you two being friends. I think it's a good thing in fact," Brooke admitted, "But I'm getting to why I got mad."

"You better get there fast. I have to get back to the hospital," Haley said checking her watch.

"So, Lucas said he saw you at the hospital yesterday and you were acting weird. And I told him to let it go because you're always acting weird."

"Thanks Brooke," Peyton said sarcastically. Inside, her head was screaming at the thought that Lucas had picked up on her odd behavior. Here she thought she was being stealthy with it.

"Well, he just kept going on and on about how worried he was. So, I finally just snapped. Peyton, don't get me wrong, I can handle him talking about you but damn it! He knows how insecure I am about it. Could he tone it down a little?"

"I understand…I think," Peyton said, scratching her head. She was trying hard to see it from Brooke's perspective and she would have probably succeeded if her mind wasn't stuck on the fact that Lucas cared. It made her stomach fill with butterflies, as much as she tried to squelch it.

"Anyways, this is where it got ugly," Brooke took a deep breath setting her coke down on the table. She turned to face Peyton, a serious look on her face. "First of all, I want you to know I don't blame you."

"For what…"

"You kissed him in the library during the shooting," Brooke said, her eyes studying Peyton's reaction intently. Peyton immediately looked away. Thousands of excuses and fears ran through her head. And she almost stuttered over her next word in fear.

"Yeah, I did," Peyton nodded, "But you have-"

"I said I don't blame you Peyton. You thought you were dying and he was trying to save you and hell, if I was in your place I would have done it too, but I can't forgive Lucas for allowing it to happen. You were vulnerable and he wasn't and-"

"How did you find out?" She cut off her rant quickly before it got too painful to hear. She wanted to scream that Lucas had kissed her back. In fact, she had been the one to pull away from their kiss, but then she knew it wasn't worth it to bring it up. Why hurt Brooke more when she wasn't going to hold anything against her, only Lucas? _Because she should hold a lot more against Lucas and not just because he didn't stop you, because he responded._ She ignored that voice in her head.

"I'd rather not say," Brooke said, shame flashing across her face, "I'm not proud of the things I said that made him blurt it out. I just was very harsh about the whole library incident."

"Brooke," Peyton sighed.

"I know! I'm such a horrible friend-"

"No, Brooke!" Peyton said shaking her head, "You're not a horrible friend, okay? You just say and do irrational things when you're mad. I've learned to deal with it, and soon enough, Lucas will too."

"God, Peyton, you're too good to me," Brooke breathed, reaching over to give her friend a one-armed hug. She pulled back smiling from ear to ear. "I'm gonna go to the lady's room before we head back to the hospital. Be right back." And just like that she was gone in a flash, leaving Peyton and Haley alone.

"You're feeling guilty," Haley said flatly. Peyton's eyes must have widened to twice their size.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because any normal person would have bitched someone out for being so insensitive about something like the shooting. You're not a doormat, Peyt. I know you better. You can be a real bitch. The only time you let people walk all over you is when you've done something wrong to them."

"Whatever you say Hales." Peyton tried to blow it off, but she couldn't exactly deny it. Haley was worse than Nathan. She knew when people were lying and she'd make sure she'd call them on it.

Haley leaned back on her chair, her eyes studying Peyton carefully. She looked scared, vulnerable and Haley thought back to Nathan's words last night.

"Nathan seems to have this crazy idea that you're in love with Lucas again."

Peyton flinched, but quickly recovered, rolling her eyes dramatically. She opened her mouth to retort, unsure what the words would be exactly. Luckily for her, Brooke returned from the bathroom.

"Let's go blondies," Brooke said cheerily. Peyton and Haley's eyes met quickly before they both stood up and followed the bouncing brunette out of the restaurant. Peyton quickly slid into the front seat of Brooke's car, and she caught Haley studying her in the mirror. She quickly averted her eyes, taking time to put on the radio. The blaring sound of Tegan & Sara's "Don't Confess" came blaring through the speakers, and Haley and Peyton's eyes met again in the mirror.

Haley immediately let out a loud laugh causing Peyton to blush bright pink and look out the window to hide her face. Brooke furrowed her eyebrows and glanced in the backseat through the rearview mirror.

"What's so funny tutor girl?" Brooke said, as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"Nothing," Haley sighed, resting her hand in her head, "Nothing at all." A small chuckle drifted off into the chords of the music.

_I'm not alone_

_No, I'm just on my own_

_And I, it's a little cold outside_

_And so don't be so hard on yourself_

_You won't get better til you get worse_

_Send your love my way_

_--------_

So no LP or Pris interaction, but I did mention Chris Keller. He will be making his first appearance next chapter! Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it!


	3. See You in Hell & Watch for the icicles!

A/N: I finally finished it! Oh God…this chapter seriously was so important to me because I wanted to get Chris Keller right. I hope I did that. And a little warning to you all. This is a triangle fic. That means there will be Pris interaction and maybe even more. That's not to say there won't be LP to balance it out. Think equilateral triangles, people. All sides are the same :D

Big thanks to Ellie for beta'ing. Now go enjoy! And review! They make my day.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or Dare You to Move by Switchfoot.

Chapter Three: See you in Hell (Watch for the icicles!)

_Welcome to the fallout_

_Welcome to resistance_

_The tension is here, the tension is here_

_Between who you are and who you could be_

_Between how it is and how it should be_

The first day of school back from a long vacation always sucked. Peyton Sawyer's experience was no different. She had gotten used to sleeping in late and only getting dressed if she needed to go out. In fact, as she sat in last period Math, she wished for her comfy pajamas and slippers. Anything would beat the constant droning in her ears that came courtesy of Calculus. She had stopped taking notes fifteen minutes ago. Subsequently, the same time her mind had wandered off to thoughts on where the rest of her crew was.

Nathan was still in the hospital, though doctors had hoped he'd be home by now. Rachel, too, had had her release delayed. Haley was supposed to come to school today nonetheless, but the girl had been MIA. Brooke had called Peyton this morning to say that she and Lucas would be late to school. At first, she scrunched her nose not wanting to know what that really meant, but she soon learned that they were not even in the same house. Brooke was picking him up and planning on confronting him about their issues.

Peyton wasn't shocked to see it took more than a couple of hours for them to sort it out.

She sighed in relief, hearing the bell ring. Class was over. School was over. Now she could go home and immerse herself in studying for her first English final, which would be an in-depth analysis consisting of five short essay questions dealing with the characters in The Importance of Being Earnest. Oh what fun.

Personally, she would have much rather zoned out to some classic rock and sketched. Those were things that the old Peyton Sawyer could enjoy. However, the new Peyton Sawyer was trying to multi-task. She had many goals already set up for her. Be a good student. Graduate with honors. Avoid Lucas. Go to a good college. Avoid Lucas. Repair her friendship with Brooke (though Brooke didn't know it was broken). Avoid Lucas. Bond with Rachel. Hit Nathan for telling Haley she loved Lucas. Oh, avoid Lucas! Find her missing Pink Floyd album.

Wait, did she mention avoid Lucas? Because currently that was her number one goal. It hurt less when she avoided Lucas. Don't get her wrong it still hurt, but at least when Lucas wasn't around he didn't do anything to make her heart ache. Whenever she saw Lucas, he was always so caring…so gentle and sweet and charming and funny and…he just knew how to make her smile. And then she'd go home that night and cry because he wasn't hers. Because every time he smiled at her or hugged her, she felt like she was stabbing Brooke in the back.

Ugh. Not good. It also didn't help that she was having dreams about the few short moments her and Lucas had been together. The motel. The hallway. The library. His room. All of those scenes would replay at night when she was fast asleep. And the lines haunted her.

_Everything's going to be okay…_

_I have to be with you._

_I feel it in my heart._

_Brooke's great, but she's not you…_

That last one always ended with her shooting up straight in bed, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. She knew Brooke had changed a lot, but the fact that he had held her so much higher than the brunette just gave her this sickening sense of hope. She didn't want to feel hopeful. She wanted all possibilities to be crushed. Yes. That's exactly what she wanted. Maybe that would help her move on. Although, come to think of it, she did love getting crushed by people. Nathan. Lucas. Brooke. Lucas, again. Haley. Jake. Her dad. All of them hurt her and she still loved them.

Yes, she was definitely a masochist.

Peyton was awoken from her musings by the beeping of her cell phone. She glanced around and noticed she was already in her car, with her book bag filled and in the back seat. God, how had she managed to zone out and pack up to leave school? Sighing at the scariness of having missed at least ten minutes of reality, she glanced at her cell phone to see a message from Haley. She listened to it before shifting her car into reverse and heading out of school.

"Hey Peyton, it's me. Listen, I've been trying to get a hold of Brooke or Lucas all day but they seem to have gone MIA. I need to head to my brother's for a couple days to see the new baby. I was hoping that you could check in on Nathan for me. Chris might pop in from time to time so I'm sorry in advance if you have to deal with that. Oh and pass this message onto your best friend and the boy you secretly pine for. You're so gonna kick my ass for that last comment aren't you? Whatever. It's not like I'm lying. Anyways, I got to go. Later loser!"

"So much for studying for English," Peyton muttered, flicking her turn signal all the way up so it was directed right instead of left. The hospital was her new intended destination.

---------------

Peyton approached the hospital around ten minutes after she left school. The ride had gone quicker than she anticipated, and she thanked her lucky stars for that. She hated feeling this way, but she really needed to study. This needed to go fast. Hurrying out of her car, she charged up to the front doors, but soon stopped dead in her tracks. There, in front of the hospital, were Brooke and Lucas, arguing…or maybe just conversing heatedly. Either way, it was something she wished to avoid. She cursed herself for coming here now. She should have gone home and studied first! She slowly turned around. Maybe she could just come back later…

Or maybe she could sneak in through the main entrance while Brooke was busy poking Lucas in the chest and he was furling his fists. Wow. They were the sight of courtly bliss. She really shouldn't be laughing, or even smiling at this, but Brooke on a tirade was always a comical thing when you weren't the victim. She was by far the most intimidating firecracker to walk in Jimmy Choos. And as she covertly slid into the hospital, Peyton watched those Jimmy Choos tap on the concrete, obviously waiting for Lucas to respond to some accusation. Unlike Lucas, she was home fre-

"P. Sawyer!"

Fuck. Never mind.

She turned on her heel, plastering a grin on her face. Pretending that she was oblivious was part one. Part two was ignoring Lucas and part three was praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddha and anyone else listening that neither Brooke nor Lucas would notice.

"Brooke," Peyton smiled. She then turned to Lucas because it was necessary and nodded with a less convincing smile, "Lucas."

"Hey Peyton," Lucas mumbled keeping his eyes on the ground.

"Oh my God…what did you do to him?" The words were out of Peyton's mouth before she could think twice and she immediately closed her eyes, a regretful smile on her face. She let out a short laugh and waved it off, "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"Lucas!" Brooke hissed, "Why won't you look at her?"

"What?" Lucas asked uttered confused, before his eyes snapped up to meet Brooke's, "I didn't mean to."

"Oh I'm sure," Brooke rolled her eyes.

"So now I'm supposed to look at her!"

"Wait, what?" Peyton interjected.

"Nothing," Brooke said, her cheeks turning red, "Just a little argument."

"Right. And I'm the one who's acting strange…" Peyton muttered.

"Well you have been."

Oh. Dear. Peyton could tell that was the last thing Lucas should have said. The look on Brooke's face was so cold Peyton feared Lucas might not make it out of this hospital alive. But Lucas either didn't notice or he didn't care, because he continued talking.

"Seriously, Peyton, last time we talked you blew me off for biology homework, and Brooke and I haven't seen you since the wedding." He crossed his arms.

"Why do you care so much?" Brooke shrieked, barely containing her frustration. Peyton actually flinched. "Seriously Luke are you dating her or me?"

"She's my friend, excuse me, our friend! We should care!"

"Yeah…well you kissed her and friends don't kiss."

"She kissed me! And she was dying!"

"Obviously not! She's standing right in front of us!"

"Oh good you've finally noticed I'm still here!" Peyton yelled. She had finally had enough. Not only were they both being incredibly rude. It hurt like hell to watch them argue over her as if she was the cause of all their problems. As if her existence was the root of all evil in the Brooke/Lucas relationship.

"I'm sorry I freaked you out Lucas, but you have nothing to worry about because I'm perfectly fine," Peyton gritted out, the lie tasting like poison on her lips, "I'm also sorry that I didn't come see you two but I had to study and seeing as you two fight ALL THE TIME, it wouldn't exactly be beneficial for my learning in that environment. And you know what, Lucas, I'm sorry I kissed you in the library, but I can't take it back now! And, Brooke, I'm sorry that I didn't die. Then it would have been acceptable, right?" She looked back and forth at them. They both were standing in disbelief, their jaws glued to the floor.

"You're both sick!" Peyton yelled. And with that she turned on a heel, and headed inside but not before she heard…

"Luke, I think we're going to hell…"

Damn right. And Peyton would see them there.

--------------

She didn't know how she managed to keep herself from crying but she did. She figured her anger was making it difficult to feel any emotional pain whatsoever. She knew Brooke was insensitive at times. She had come to expect it, but Peyton was tired of being the punching bag for Brooke's insecurity. Brooke had nothing to worry about. Lucas loved her. He wasn't going to hurt her again, and Peyton would make sure of it.

All Brooke needed to do was stop pushing him away. Stop pointing out that he cared more than he should. Stop…

Telling the truth?

"Peyton!" The voice made her jump and she realized she had been standing in front of Nathan's room for a while now, but had not bothered to go in.

"Sorry," she muttered, "Long day." She walked in taking her usual seat by Nathan's bedside.

"Well it must have been. You didn't even say hello to me, blondie" The voice was all too familiar for Peyton and she found herself glaring up at the infamous Chris Keller. She wondered internally how she did miss the blue-eyed musician when he was standing right across from her.

"Oh. It's you," Peyton spewed, "Shouldn't you be off seducing drunk cheerleaders or uninterested married women?"

"I think I liked her better comatose," Chris said to Nathan, who just rolled his eyes.

"Be nice to Peyton."

"She started it!" Chris whined.

"Fine," Nathan sighed, "Peyton, be nice to him too."

"I'll try, but I make no promises."

"Don't worry about that. Everyone knows that no one keeps promises anyways. I think I'd rather have you try than promise." Chris shrugged before dealing out cards between him and Nathan.

"Is he always this cynical? I remember him being much more…goofy."

"Ah well, I'm only goofy when I'm seducing, and I see no need in seducing you. You're already taken." He said it so nonchalantly that Peyton's mouth dropped open, and she missed Nathan holding back a laugh.

"I am not!" Peyton hissed, "Nathan, what have you been telling him?" Nathan suddenly sobered.

"Nothing! I swear!" He threw his hands up.

"Well, it was quite obvious to me when you were lingering at the door that you were about to cry and/or punch something. I, then, connected it to the fact that I just saw you arguing outside with your boyfriend and best friend."

"Wait, what?" Peyton and Nathan said at the same time.

"Brooke's your best friend. I already knew that. Lucas, Nate's little brother, the one who was infatuated with Brooke earlier this year, I can only assume by his body language that he moved on from her to you. He seemed worried about you but then you yelled at both of them and stomped inside here." Chris interpreted the looks of pure shock on his companions' faces to mean that he was right, "See! I knew it! God, I'm such a genius."

"Lucas is with Brooke, Chris," Nathan said quietly, "And they…well Lucas, Peyton and Brooke kind of have…" Nathan didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"I've made things awkward, huh?" Chris said, and Peyton could almost sense remorse in his voice, but she was too confused and depressed to care.

"I'll see you later, Nathan," Peyton said, as she quickly escaped the room and began hurrying to the elevator. She heard someone following her, but she refused to turn around.

"Hey blondie wait up!"

"Go away, Keller!"

"I'm sorry! I really didn't know that he wasn't with you."

"I really don't want to talk about this right now-"

"-I really didn't know there was a history there either-"

"-and I seriously don't want _to you _about all this-"

"So did he break up with you for her? Or did he cheat on you with her?"

"Keller!"

"Oh no I remember now…"

She was almost at the elevator, and she had yet to turn around. Only a ten to twenty more feet. Peyton sped up a bit.

"He cheated on Brooke with you! Oh God, Haley told me about this!"

"Yes he did."

"And then Brooke took him back eventually I'm guessing, huh? But that makes no sense because she'd never go after him again unless she was positive you didn't have a thing for him because that would just mean more triangle drama."

"I gave her my blessing," Peyton muttered. Seven feet now.

"Right. So then he's just a friend? Okay, I can see that."

"Good." Peyton breathed a sigh of relief. The elevator door was in sight.

"So then why are you so sensitive about this whole subject?"

"I'm in love with him!" Peyton blurted out, finally turning around to face him. She ran her hands through her hair frustratingly, and before Chris could even respond to her (though it felt like his throat was incapable of moving), she continued ranting, "I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend who by the way, if you didn't figure out already, I was in love with before while he was dating her the first time. And you know obviously what happened then! He cheated on her with me! I let him make me into a mistress! And I don't want that to happen again, but God damn it! She keeps pushing him away and basically telling him that he and I have this thing! But I'm supposed to be the only delusional one who sees it! Not her! And especially not Lucas! I'm going to lose her because of this…I'm going to lose her and I'm not even going to bring it on myself. All I want is-"

She was cut off from her rant when she realized her mouth was blockaded by a shoulder. A thick shoulder. And her once shaking arms were trapped beneath the crooks of his own limbs which had snaked around her shoulders, pulling her close.

Chris Keller was hugging her. Chris, freaking, Keller. The asshole of Tree Hill, the man who had seduced her two best friends, caused Nathan and Lucas so much heart ache and had made her own life a living hell was hugging her. And not just that type of hug that comes and goes like a breeze. Peyton Sawyer didn't hug people she didn't know. Hell, Peyton Sawyer didn't really hug much at all. She was more of a handshake or a one armed snuggle which may pass as a hug but really wasn't. This, here, was a hug. It was substantial. Monumental. Earth shattering. Okay, maybe she was exaggerating its importance, but you would too if you were caught in a moment so absurd.

Chris didn't know why he had hugged her. He just heard her blabbering on and on about that loser she loved and he watched the pain flicker in her eyes. He knew what that was like, to love someone you shouldn't. It was the type of thing that had inspired him for so long to write music. But even in music, he couldn't escape the pain that unrequited love brought and so when he saw her just snapped, he just wanted her to stop talking.

Because in the words of Roberta Flack, she was killing him softly with her song. It was painful to hear, to relive. Each word she spoke held so much anguish and he could feel it for her. He could relate to it. So he hugged her to distract her from her pain. To throw her off guard, and it did.

She stayed in his embrace as long as he held it, surprised at how good it felt just to be hugged by someone, someone who couldn't judge, who didn't know the whole story. Someone who just wanted to understand it from her side. And when he drew back and looked into her eyes, she saw that haunting blue, and for a moment she was reminded of Lucas. A chill passed through her body and she looked away.

This was awkward. It wasn't everyday you had a "moment" with someone like Chris Keller. It wasn't every day you'd get a chance to spill your deepest darkest secret to a stranger. She wondered for a brief second if he'd tell anyone. If he were hoping to seek revenge on her for that slap and now he'd run off to Brooke to tell her the news. She couldn't see him being that cruel, but she didn't know him. And that's what scared her most of all.

"Well umm," she stuttered, "I should be going. I'll…uh...see you around sometime." And with a small wave she backed away before quickly walking into the elevator. She needed to get away as fast as possible. She had just hugged Chris Keller, for Pete's sake!

She'd have to tell Brooke and Lucas to pack a jacket. Apparently, hell had frozen over.

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell_

_Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell_

_Where can you run to escape from yourself?_

_Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?_

_Salvation is here._


	4. The World Spins Madly On

A/N: Sorry for the wait! I have not been in the writing mood much as of late. Then when I got the urge to write, Harry Potter came out and I had to break to read that. I think y'all can forgive me for that. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks to Ellie for beta'ing "my baby" hehe. And as always, please review. They make my day!!

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or The World Spins Madly On by the Weepies or anything by Gwen Stefani.

Chapter Four: The World Spins Madly On

_Woke up and wished that I was dead. _

_With an aching in my head. _

_I lay motionless in bed. _

_I thought of you and where you'd gone. _

_And let the world spin madly on._

Have you ever woken up and thought you just had the weirdest dream of your life only to realize that it was no dream? Peyton Sawyer had…many times, in fact. Today, though, she had to believe was the strangest. She so badly wanted to pretend that yesterday was a dream. She didn't bitch out Lucas or Brooke. She didn't spill her deepest, darkest secret to Chris Keller, the antagonist of Tree Hill. She didn't hug the said antagonist.

It was all a dream. Please, God, she just wanted it to be a dream! She liked it better being aloof when it came to Brooke and Lucas. She liked it better having this deep burden that no one really knew about. Sure, Nathan knew she liked Lucas. So did Haley. But neither of them understood the true severity of her feelings. She had blurted to Chris Keller not only her feelings but also her fears. That's what scared her most of all.

Peyton didn't like that vulnerable feeling that had settled into her chest when she thought over the secrets Chris now knew. She felt like she had connected with him through that simple hug. The last time someone had truly gotten to her like that, without speaking any words, had been Lucas. And she knew how badly that had turned out.

Groaning, she stretched her thin arms over her head and tried to shake the sleep from her body. She was drained, not just physically but emotionally. She was getting so tired of feeling. Her emotions were entangled and webbed together, anger mixing with love, fear with pride, desire with reserve. They combated in her brain every waking moment and for once she'd just like a break. But even in sleep, her dreams were as conflicting as the daily thoughts she carried around. More than often, they left her just as riled up and confused as her conscious life did.

She heard the front door opening, but no voice announcing its presence and she immediately assumed it was Brooke, trying to sneak into her room, wake her by surprise and trick her into forgiving her without having enough time from waking up to think clearly. Peyton had been subjected to the game before, and Brooke was in for a rude surprise when she found Peyton sitting up cheerily (well as cheerily as she could be) on top of her comforter.

She listened as she heard the thumping of steps on the stairwell move closer and closer. The sound became louder as the person reached the landing and came to the doorway and Peyton had to withhold a gasp when she saw who it was. Not Brooke, rather the other third of her love triangle.

"Hey there," Lucas said meekly, his eyes averted to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing here? It's early in the morning."

"It's after noon," Lucas said, and Peyton could see a hint of a smile on his face though he was doing his best not to look at her, "I should wait outside while you change."

Suddenly, his discomfort made sense. Peyton slept in little next to nothing. Short shorts and a white ribbed tank top that might as well be a nightgown as it came past the length of her shorts. She noticed Lucas was finding it increasingly hard not to stare at her legs. His self admitted weakness. And she was suddenly taken back to a time in junior year…

_Peyton Sawyer lay curled up in her "kind- of, sort- of boyfriend's" arms. He had just gotten out of the hospital, just broken up with her best friend, and yet it seemed like this moment had been coming forever. An unstoppable force that had propelled them forward to this very moment where Lucas stroked her hair and kissed her forehead while she traced absentmindedly over his heart covered by his sweatshirt. His chest rose and fell, lulling her into a lucid trance. This was peace. A fleeting moment between two epic lovers destined to break apart once more. Peyton knew it deep down. Now wasn't there time._

_But they had stolen another moment for themselves._

"_How long have you liked me Lucas?" Peyton asked quietly, afraid if her __voice__ reached a certain level the moment might be shattered and she'd lose him again. She felt his breathing increase as if he had snapped out of daydream and his hand__ which was buried in her curls__ began to twirl them aimlessly. He took awhile to answer._

"_You were nine and you were coming from the cemetery. My mom knew there was a funeral going on and your father, I guess, had called for her to cater the after ceremony. I had to be there to help my mom pack the boxes. I was finishing one up when I saw you for the first time. You rounded the corner coming in front of the window. Your curls __were __to your __shoulders__ and you were dressed in a little black dress with pearls around your neck. Your eyes were dark green that day and you looked straight at me, before you turned away. I think Brooke was next to you but I can't remember anything but those eyes and how painful they were."_

_He stopped talking and cleared his throat._

"_I think it was your mother's death because I remember seeing your father come in and get the boxes and when he came back outside he tugged your hand forward and you kept going. You looked so…"_

'_Lost? Depressed? Sad?' Peyton supplied in her own mind._

"_Brave," Lucas said finally, "And I had a thing for you ever since."_

"_Wow," Peyton whispered snuggling closer to him._

"_Freshman year just made it even more difficult not to fall for you," Lucas said and a bit of a chuckle escaped his lips afterwards._

"_What do you mean?" Peyton said._

"_I started to notice something else." Peyton furrowed and eyebrow at this and Lucas elaborated, "Your legs."_

"_What?"_

"_They're wonderful."_

"_Oh my God," Peyton blushed, "Seriously? They're so scrawny and thin."_

"_They're my kryptonite. They always will be. I promise you, Peyton." He patted her thigh to emphasize the point__ which in turn, caused Peyton to giggle._

"_You need help."_

"_Well, you need to wear skirts more."_

"_Stop!" Peyton giggled._

"_Not if it means I don't get to here you laugh. Who knows when's the next time I'll hear you laugh?"_

_Peyton's chuckles died down and she sighed before they settled into a comfortable silence. Peyton wouldn't giggle like that with Lucas for a very long time. _

Peyton shook the thoughts from her head and looked up to see Lucas sneaking a peak at her calves and she tried to suppress the giggle rising in her throat. He looked so determined to fight this and yet it was a loosing battle. The legs were indeed kryptonite to her Super Man. Deciding he had been through enough torture for now; Peyton stood up and pushed him to the door.

"Lucas, they'll be plenty of time to look at my legs when I'm dressed," she teased, feeling an odd sense of daring in her blood.

"I wasn't staring."

"Right and I own Gwen Stefani's new album." Peyton pushed him out the door and shut it, but he continued to talk.

"The Sweet Escape? Do you prefer 'Yummy' or 'Wind it Up'?"

"Oh God, are those real songs?"

"You know, there was a time when you prided yourself on being a music aficionado."

"For good music. Not Gwen Stefani."

"Come on. She's not that bad," Lucas argued and Peyton let out a very unfeminine snort as she pulled on the closest pair of jeans she had.

"Please, Lucas. I'm almost ashamed to be friends with you knowing you can name two of her songs."

"I can name more than two." She could hear the teasing in his voice and she let out a good laugh at it. It felt good to be on less awkward terms with Lucas and for a moment, Peyton wondered if letting out her predicament to Chris Keller had aided in her new found resistance to her feelings for Lucas.

She ignored rationalizing the reason for her somewhat normalcy around Lucas, and focused instead on pulling a green graphic T over her head.

"You can come in now," Peyton said, sitting back down on the bed, "the legs are covered."

"Funny," Lucas said as he opened the door so his blue eyes met hers, "Very funny."

So much for normalcy, because as soon as those crystal blues met those green orbs, all the jitters fled back into the curly blonde's stomach. She put on a soft smile and patted the bed next to her. He returned the smile and sat next to her.

"So what brings you here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from cracking or shaking too much when she felt his arm brush hers.

"I've been sent with a peace offering from Brooke," Lucas said simply. Peyton's smile faded at the mention of the brunette's name. For a few minutes, she had almost forgotten how unattainable Lucas Scott was. Lucas, on the other hand, must have interpreted her reaction differently. "I guess you forgot about the little fight outside the hospital. I was wondering why you were acting so nice to me."

"I'm mad at myself more than anything," Peyton said, though she didn't elaborate, not wanting to lie to him. The statement was true if left there.

"Peyton," Lucas sighed, "Why are you always doing this to yourself? Brooke and I deserved the lashing we got. Brooke realizes that and she also realizes that things are changing-"

"What?"

"You can try to deny it, but you know it's true. Things have been different since…well…the shooting."

_No duh. _Peyton cursed in her mind. It had been the shooting which had first clearly opened her mind to the 'what ifs' in her relationship with Lucas Scott. It was the first time since she walked away from his porch that she had felt regret. Regret for ending the relationship that is. She had felt plenty of regret for how it had developed and how it had hurt Brooke, but she had never once regretted that it did happen. Deep down, she regretted only the circumstances and the inevitability of its ending. The shooting gave her a glimpse of how her life could have ended; without ever feeling those tender lips upon hers again. Of course, things had changed!

"I know," Peyton admitted.

"Brooke thinks we're all moving apart. Brooke and you. Brooke and me. She also thinks it's about time that we start branching out."

"Huh?" In the back of Peyton's mind, she felt as though she was being dragged into some strange threesome. It seemingly fit Brooke's usual logic. Sex can solve anything.

"Well, you and Rachel are close, right? And Brooke's getting along well with Bevin. We were thinking of how much fun the whole trip to the cabin was and we thought why not hang out as a group more often?"

"We or Brooke?" Peyton smiled knowingly and a flitter of a smile passed along Lucas's features.

"I agree with her, but it was her idea."

"What was the idea exactly? I'm kind of lost."

"That's because I've just been setting you up for it-"

"You can tell you're a writer. They never get to the point."

"Shut up, Peyt," Lucas teased, sticking out his tongue, "Anyways, Brooke was thinking of having this weekly movie night at Nathan and Haley's apartment. It'd be Brooke, you, me, Nathan, Haley, Rachel, Mouth, Skillz and Bevin. No heavy drinking, minimum driving-"

"Seeing as Tree Hill and car accidents do go hand in hand," Peyton chuckled.

"Seriously though, what do you think?"

"It sounds like a couples' thing. Rachel's with Mouth now, right?"

"Yeah, but it's not a couples thing," Lucas protested, "We're all friends."

"I don't know," Peyton sighed, "It just sounds uncomfortable, Luke."

"Well, at least think about it," Lucas said patting her hand. Peyton just nodded back, not able to say anything. "I should go. I need to stop by the hospital and let Rachel and Nate know the plan."

"Okay," Peyton said and she watched him head to the door. He stole one glance back at her.

"Think about it, Peyt."

His boyish grin made her smile, and she bit her lip trying to contain the little swell of happiness that formed when she saw him happy.

--------------------

Pros. Cons. If ever you need to make an important decision, you're best bet is to make a pro/con list. Peyton Sawyer had never made one before, but Rachel had suggested them to her last hospital visit. She had used one to pick between Mouth and Cooper and Peyton had watched how, when properly done, it could really work.

**Cons of Movie Night:**

-Brooke doesn't like me interacting with Lucas.

-Lucas is too flirty and it's upsetting.

-Brooke & Lucas there, acting coupley.

-All couples.

-Movie night is just an excuse for them all to make out.

**Pros of Movie Night:**

-Brooke won't be suspicious if I hang out with them more often.

-It would be nice to hang out with them more often.

-It'll get Lucas off my back.

No seemed like the easy answer.

The phone rang interrupting her musings and she picked it up without looking at the caller ID. It was probably Brooke.

"Hello," Peyton said.

"Hey there, blondie."

For the second time that day, she was wrong.

"Keller," Peyton squeaked out before her arm jerking to hang it up. She stopped though when she heard his almost haughty laugh.

"Peyton Sawyer, was that a squeak?"

Peyton glared at the phone defiantly, "No! It wasn't!"

"Ah, there's a little of that fire I thought you lost."

"You don't know me, Keller."

"You're right. I know nothing about you, but let's change that."

"I'm not interested."

"What if I'm offering friendship and not anything more?"

"Are you sure you're even capable of that?"

"Well," Chris debated, "I'm friends with Nathan."

"Yeah but Nathan doesn't have boobs."

"Thank God. That would be disturbing, wouldn't it?"

A small laugh escaped Peyton's throat before she could catch it.

"See, I'm not that bad. I made you laugh."

"No, the image of Nathan with boobs did that."

"Well, I conjured it!" A pause settled into the conversation. "Come on, blondie. You know you want to talk about what happened at the hospital. All that emotional baggage you carry around. I'm the perfect person for that. I don't know Lucas or Brooke at all. I can't judge you."

"What would you get out of all of this, Chris?"

"Nothing," Chris said simply, "Well, I get to stare at you."

"What happened to friends and nothing more?" Peyton said.

"Eh," Chris shrugged, "Only a matter of time before you beg for more out of it, but that doesn't mean I can't stare in the meantime."

"Ugh."

"Come on, Peyton. Just come meet me for coffee Thursday."

Peyton stared at her wall. A picture of Brooke, Lucas, Nathan and Haley was right there, all of them smiling and talking with each other. Chris was right. Nathan and Haley might know Peyton loved Lucas, but they also knew that Brooke loved Lucas. And more importantly…Lucas loved Brooke. They wanted the best for all three and that was without a doubt the permanent end of the triangle from hell.

Chris could help her get over it. He just…knew what to do. She remembered the hug and how good it felt. She remembered the look in his eyes when she spilled her soul. He didn't judge her. He didn't say a word. He just absorbed the words. He let her talk, openly. No fear.

"Fine," Peyton said finally, "But one wrong move or glance at my cleavage and I walk out."

"Oh blondie, you don't have to worry about that. You have no cleavage."

"Keller!"

"Hey! I'm just being a friend. Friends rip on each other."

"Oh Lord," Peyton sighed, "What have I done?"

"Thursday at three. Don't be late." And Peyton was left with a dial tone.

Coffee with Chris Keller. Peyton felt a change in the wind as it blew through her window. Maybe Chris Keller would help her turn the page of her life. She was tired of being stuck in a rut.

_The night is here and the day is gone. _

_And the world spins madly on. _

_I thought of you and where you'd gone. _

_And the world spins madly on._


	5. Cinderella and Vanilla

A/N: Yeah so I'm a jack ass. Self admitted, though. I'm sorry. I really should have updated sooner, but I'm almost glad I didn't. Because the beginning to this one came to me today, and I just can't imagine the chapter starting any other way. I hope you enjoy, and please do review. It's motivation for someone like me who takes ages to update.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or Disney's Cinderella or technically any of the other fairytales/movies I may mention. I also don't own the song "When You Wish Upon a Star."

Chapter Five: Cinderella and Vanilla

_"Love, ha! Just a boy and a girl meeting under the right conditions...So, we're arranging the right conditions."_

Peyton Sawyer let out a hearty chuckle. Nothing held her attention quite like a good Disney movie. Cinderella had always been her favorite, but not for the reason most girls loved it. While little girls her age had been obsessing over Cinderella's ball gown and missing slipper and her dance with the ever graceful and suave, Prince Charming, Peyton loved the scenes between Prince Charming's father and the duke. When she was young, it was because of the physical humor they used. Now, it was because of the cynical and yet extremely wise words the two often presented.

The king was right. Love was not something guaranteed. It was a gift, a lucky encounter, that could blossom anywhere. All you needed was the right set of circumstances, maybe something cliché. Masquerade balls, bumps on a crowded street involving spilt coffee, broken down elevators, fender benders and of course, popular jock meets shy loser, they all were examples of clichés. You set up a cliché meeting and it was destined that the two mortals involved would fall, and fall fast.

She knew from experience. Nathan and Haley were the example of loser meets in crowd. Not that Haley was a loser in the mean sense of the word. More like she tutored, wore a poncho and was more concerned with books than looks. Those didn't get you in Peyton's clique. Another example, Brooke fell hard for Lucas because it was a case of opposites attract (cliché number one in most books). Lucas became intrigued by and eventually loved Brooke because of the same reason. There's a certain curiosity in someone who's your opposite. It usually brings about something intense and passionate and almost always dangerous for one's heart. Hence, why a lot of people want it. Danger is romantic.

Sometimes Peyton looked around her school and felt as though she was living in one huge teenage romance show. Love triangles, lesbians hitting on her, broken hearts, people flying in and out like guest stars. Nothing was normal. It was all over the top and cliché. There were declarations in rain, people getting famous before they turned eighteen and marriages that most wouldn't think to last a day let alone a whole year already.

She wanted something normal for once. She wanted a boyfriend who would watch cheesy romantic comedies with her and hold her hand when they were out in public. She wanted a guy who got along with her best friends, knew them even in the casual sense. She wanted that guy who wouldn't have to say 'I love you' in the rain or the snow or hell in a crowded room while everyone stared at them. He would whisper it in her ear when they were falling asleep, and it wouldn't be only a few months after they had began dating.

Nothing grand. Nothing dramatic. Nothing cliché. Normal. No sex addicts. No cheaters. No baby's daddies. No famous rock stars. Just a normal teenage boy. Did love have to be so cliché and yet so cynical?

Peyton sighed. There was no way to trace her thoughts. Sometimes they felt so hypocritical. She didn't want cliché and yet she was one. A big fat cliché. Depressed, brooding cheerleader involved in a love triangle with her best friend's boyfriend. Oh! And this is take two on the love triangle for those who were counting.

She turned off her TV trying not to think of it. That's all she seemed to do these days. Try not to think about it. Delay it. Push it away.

Today was coffee with Chris Keller, and as much as she wanted to deny it, she was looking forward to it. It was something normal. Lots of people had coffee with friends. Granted they weren't friends who were struggling rock stars who had slept with their best friend and kissed their other married friend. And _technically_ Chris Keller wasn't her friend yet. More like an acquaintance that had heard her deepest darkest secret. But damn it, she'd take what she could get.

--------

The coffee shop Chris had picked was nestled in a small strip of businesses on the far West side of town. Antique shops and thrift stores were on each side. Most of the stores looked dodgy, but not terribly damaged. It looked thoroughly lived in, and she guessed that was a good thing. It seemed very Chris Keller like.

The chime atop the door sounded as Peyton slid into the shop. Chris was the only person in there. He was in the corner, immersed in his newspaper. Peyton quirked an eyebrow at the sight.

"Chris Keller can read?" Peyton gasped dramatically as she slid into the chair across from him. He folded his newspaper down so he could see her.

"Of course Chris Keller can read," he smirked, "He's particularly interested in the sports section."

"Okay, if this friendship is ever going to work, you need to stop speaking in the third person."

"I think I can manage that." He put the paper down next to him. "So, Ms. Sawyer, how are you?"

"Good," Peyton nodded.

"Still madly in love with your best friend's boyfriend?"

Peyton smirked. "No. In the past four days, I've magically discovered that I've been making this all up for kicks."

"I knew it," Chris deadpanned.

"You honestly didn't invite me here to talk about Lucas, did you?"

"No, I invited you here because this place makes some great coffee."

"Why me, Keller?" Peyton asked.

"Because you, my dear, fascinate me," Chris said, placing his head in his hands and staring at her in mock awe.

"Cut it out."

"Well, what do you want from me, Sawyer? It's not like I really thought this through. Nathan told me you were into music, and I thought hell, while I'm in Tree Hill for six months I might as well find someone who can keep me entertained, and before you say anything I don't mean that in the way Brooke or Haley kept me entertained."

"Wow."

"What?" Chris furrowed his eyebrows, curiously.

"Well, it's just that you seemed really genuine there."

"Is it that so hard to believe?" Chris said huskily.

"Surprisingly, no," Peyton smiled softly and their eyes met, "It's just you were such an ass when I first met you and I heard you got better, but I never expected this much of a turn around after a whole year."

"Even miracles take a little time," Chris shrugged. Peyton nodded, as the words set in. Then her eyes bulged.

"Oh my gosh! You just quoted Cinderella! Did you know that?"

"Maybe," Chris said quickly, looking out the window, "Although technically I quoted the fairy godmother."

"Chris Keller, closet Disney fan."

"Not closet. I'm very proud of my love of Disney."

"What's your favorite movie?"

"I'll give you a clue," Chris said. He reached over hooking his finger under her jaw and tilting it up, "Keep your chin up, someday there will be happiness again."

"Robin Hood," Peyton smiled shyly, ducking away from his hand, "Impressive."

"I know," he said moving back to his side of the table, "You can't go wrong with Disney."

"Or Robin Hood for that matter."

"Okay, I have one for you," Chris said, "Favorite character?"

---------

Two hours and three cups of coffee later, Peyton Sawyer was laughing up a storm, in the small café. They had finished talking about Disney. Eventually, they had moved on to Dashboard Confessional vs. Snow Patrol. Then, old school rock vs. new school rock. Then classic movies. Now, they were discussing the possible movie night at Nathan and Haley's.

Peyton was surprised at how comfortable it was to talk with Chris. He was a great listener. He knew what she was thinking without her even having to say it. He was funny, making her laugh more than anyone had in a long time. He made her forget about all the drama for a while. And not to mention, he wasn't bad to look at. Not that she'd ever admit it.

"Just go," he said as they both settled down from their latest chuckle at Nathan's expense. Somehow their movie night discussion had led to Chris conjuring up the similarities between Nathan and the ogre in Shrek.

"I don't think I should," Peyton said softly, "I mean, it's going to be all couples. Can you imagine how depressing that is for a single girl like myself?"

"Being single is nothing to be ashamed about, especially at your age. I mean, seriously, no one should want to be settled down in a boring relationship when they haven't even reached their peak yet. High school is all about fun."

"I guess," Peyton shrugged.

"And what's more fun than a movie night with your friends? You just complained about how you want something normal in your life. Well, I'll tell you, normal kids have movie nights. They just hang out with friends."

"Ugh," Peyton groaned, "you're right."

"You'll soon discover I always am."

"Don't push it." Peyton sent a long glare his way.

"So tomorrow night, you'll go right?"

"But Chris," Peyton whined, "what if I go and it's horrible and I feel really awkward?"

"Then you'll call me and we'll talk about it."

"Fine." She put on her most convincing pout, the one that worked on Lucas all the time. Chris just rolled his eyes.

"Not working, Sawyer."

"Gah! You suck!" She threw up her hands dramatically and glanced at the clock on the wall, "I need to go. I have to visit Rachel."

"Okay."

"It was nice hanging out with you Chris Keller."

"Same here, Peyton Sawyer. Hope we can do it again soon."

"I'd like that," Peyton smiled. Truth was, she'd like that a lot.

---------------

"Peyton! I'm so glad you came!" Haley exclaimed as she let her into the apartment. Peyton wanted to roll her eyes but she didn't. If it weren't for Chris Keller, she'd be at home watching the encore of Aladdin on Disney with a bucket of popcorn and no secret love interests shoving their tongue down her best friend's throat. Not that she was bitter.

"No problem," Peyton shrugged, "And look! I brought food."

"What are these?" Haley said eyeing the bag curiously.

"Animal crackers!" Lucas proclaimed spotting the bag all the way from his spot on the couch. He ran up and grabbed the bag from Peyton's hand. She tried to snatch them back but he tucked them behind his back.

"Hey! No fair! I brought them."

"You should have known better than to bring animal crackers in front of me."

"This is not like summer where you steal all my food and don't repay me."

"Summer?" Haley quirked an eyebrow. Peyton looked away, but Lucas was oblivious to Haley's amusement.

"Peyton's not over the fact that I spent most of my summer at her house eating her cookies even though I made her breakfast everyday."

"Not everyday!" Peyton protested, forgetting about Haley's presence, "A lot of days Karen made us breakfast."

"Whatever you say. I'm still not giving these back."

"Share?" Peyton pouted. Lucas tried to look stern but his determination weakened rapidly.

"Yeah, all right," he sighed taking the bag back to the couch. Peyton watched him go, a triumphant smile on her face. Then she saw Brooke eyeing her carefully and she quickly turned back to Haley.

"Be careful, Peyton," Haley said winking, "You play with fire and you're going to get burned."

Judging by the burn marks on her heart, Peyton didn't need Haley to tell her that.

---------

Torture. Utter torture. Peyton was positive that if hell existed it would be this. Brooke and Lucas making out right next to her. Nathan and Haley being incredibly romantic on the couch to her right. Bevin snoring louder than a truck crashing through a Nitro-Glycerin plant while Skillz tried to wake her up. Mouth and Rachel whispering in the corner whenever Bevin wasn't snoring. And of course to top it all off, there was a cheesy romantic comedy playing on the TV which she couldn't even hear the dialogue to.

Jesus, she had a feeling Brooke's toe had just poked her. She didn't even want to contemplate how that was possible. What had she done in a past life to deserve this? Hell! What had she done in her present life to deserve it? She really needed a drink right now. No, what she really needed was an exit strategy.

Like a sign from God, her cell phone started buzzing her pocket. She quickly fumbled for it, trying not to look at the couple beside her. It was a text message from Chris.

_How's it going?_

"I need to make a call," Peyton blurted out quickly removing herself from the couch. No one seemed to notice as she slipped down the hall and began dialing.

"Hey Pey-"

"I hate you. I'm never listening to you ever again! This was the worst mistake-"

"Hey Chris. How are you? I'm great actually," Chris deadpanned.

"Not funny."

"How bad can it be, Peyton?"

"Couples. Lots and lots of couples," Peyton hissed in a low whisper, "Not to mention my least favorite one is making out two inches away from me."

"Oh," Chris said softly, "Well haven't they ever heard of tact?"

"Ha!" Peyton chuckled, "Not really."

"Well I'm sorry. Why don't you just fake being sick and go home?"

"I think I might. I don't think they'd even notice if I just slipped out the back door."

"They would. You're hard to miss."

"That sounds like you're calling me fat, Keller," Peyton said, amusedly.

"Hardly. You just have a presence about you."

"Aww you're being sweet."

"Whatever," Chris muttered, "I have an early recording session tomorrow so I need to get to bed. Go get your scrawny butt home."

"I will! And tomorrow expect a full rant on this."

"I'll be waiting."

Peyton flipped her phone shut, a small smile on her face. Ironically, she felt better after talking to Chris. She turned around and headed around the corner. As she came around the turn, she locked eyes with Lucas as he exited the bathroom. An awkward silence ensued.

"Hey, I was wondering where you disappeared to," Lucas said, putting his hand in his pockets.

"Phone call," Peyton said simply, "I'm surprised you noticed I was gone." Peyton gave him a meaningful look. He immediately blushed and looked down.

"Sorry about that."

"No problem," Peyton lied, "I could have done without Brooke's toe digging into my hip though."

"Yeah, well, it's just…" Lucas began, "I have no idea, honestly."

"You two were horny. I get it." Peyton shifted her weight uncomfortably. "Anyways, I'm gonna head out."

"Peyton, you don't have to go. Brooke and I are done, I promise."

_Too bad your promises are empty._ The words were on the tip of Peyton's tongue but she held them back.

"I'm tired, Luke. I need some sleep, and honestly, I really don't want to be here. It's got nothing to do with you and Brooke."

"Okay," Lucas nodded reluctantly, not really believing her story. He opened his arms, offering her a hug. She eyes him for a second and Lucas almost thought she was going to reject him. But then she stepped forward, wrapping her tiny arms around his waist. He sighed in relief and in the process inhaled the scent of her hair. It was a light fragrance. Vanilla and lavender and nothing overpowering like Brooke's pineapple shampoo.

Suddenly, he felt a tug in his stomach. The scent brought him back to his junior year and the stolen moments in motels and his own room. Nostalgia settled over him and that moment in the library suddenly flashed in his head. He had known she was going to kiss him. He didn't pull back. Why didn't he pull back?

Because she smelled like vanilla and lavender and hope.

Lucas was awoken from his trance when Peyton stepped back, the scent fading along with her.

"Later, Lucas," she whispered, as she headed for the door. He could only nod as she walked away, his thoughts still foggy and unsure. Lucas shook himself from his daze and went back to the couch. Whatever that was, he'd have to forget it. The last thing he needed was to start unburying feelings for his girlfriend's best friend.

Besides, he still had to figure out why he could have sworn he heard her through the paper thin bathroom walls say 'Keller' when she was on the phone.

_Fate is kind_

_She brings to those who love_

_As sweet fulfillment of their secret drowns_

_Like a boat out of the blue_

_Fate steps in and sees you through_

_---------_

Just a little note...I totally don't think Nathan looks like the ogre from Shrek. It's something my brother said. Anyways, hope you liked it :)

Christina


	6. Conundrums of Epic Proportions

A/N: Are you shocked? I know I'm shocked. I got an update out in two weeks. Half the normal time it takes. I hope y'all enjoy this update. And review! The reviews from last chapter really pushed me to update faster. Thanks for reading guys and thanks to Ellie for the beta:D

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the song Hallelujah.

Chapter Six: Conundrums of Epic Proportions

_Maybe I've been here before,_

_I know this room; I've walked this floor._

_I used to live alone before I knew you_

The streets of West Tree Hill were unusually clogged for the time of day. The midday sun cast no shadow on the lingering forms of the pedestrians traveling from shop to shop. The temperature was much hotter than one would expect for the time of year. It was a transition period between winter and spring, and yet the thermometers were reading in the high eighties. It was typical for the south to have a sudden hot spell to welcome in spring. Most people were used to it by now. One person, however, would never quite agree with southern weather. In fact, they'd much rather be inside, milking the air conditioner for all it was worth.

"It's not _that_ hot!" Chris said, his amusement barely hiding in his voice. Whether Peyton heard it or not, it didn't matter. She let out a huge groan and slumped her shoulders beside him.

"Are you kidding, Keller? It's like a sauna out here." She pulled at her halter-top trying to create some sort of breeze and keep the thin fabric from sticking to her stomach. Chris had invited her out for lunch as a way of saying sorry for the awkward situation he had encouraged her to be a part of. She had agreed but immediately regretted it when she realized they would be walking the few blocks between his recording studio and the restaurant of choice.

"You're such a princess."

"Damn straight," Peyton muttered, pulling her hair back. She would give her left leg for a hair tie right now. As if reading her mind, Chris pulled off the rubber band he had stashed on his wrist and handed it to her.

"Here. Use this."

"Thanks." Peyton took it from his outstretched hand and began securing her golden curls back. "You know, I saw on a Dateline special that people who wear rubber bands on their wrists are cutters. Is that your deal?"

"Uh, no," Chris laughed, scratching his head, "I've just learned that you can never be too prepared. I carry extra pens in my pocket, napkins in my glove compartment and a pad of paper in my guitar case for when inspiration strikes. I can safely say I'm anal retentive, not suicidal."

"Just checking," Peyton shrugged, "I'd hate to have your death on my conscience."

"So you are warming up to me, aren't you?" Chris smirked. Peyton just rolled her eyes before turning to check her reflection in one of the passing storefronts. "Your hair looks fine."

"I didn't ask you," Peyton glared playfully.

"But you're a girl, so you don't need to ask. Women are always fishing for compliments, even when they think they're not."

Peyton's jaw dropped to the floor with his words, "That's the biggest piece of crap I've ever heard, not to mention totally sexist!" She gave him a little shove causing him to almost fall off the sidewalk and onto the street, but he recovered nicely.

"This heat has made you very violent," he said, tucking his hands into his pockets and letting out a small chuckle.

"So you finally admit it's hotter than hell out here."

"Your words, not mine." Chris held his hands up in defense. "Seriously, how have you managed living in the south this long? This is considered a cool day by most standards."

"I have five words for you, Keller. Air conditioning and ice cream."

"Should have known," Chris muttered as they reached the diner, "Well luckily for you, the place I picked has both of those."

Peyton's face lit up at the words and she clutched her hands in front of her to keep from throwing them around him and hugging him. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"I told you that you were warming up to me," Chris smirked, opening the door to the diner. He gestured for her to move inside, to which she mock curtsied and hurried in, feeling the blast of air condition hit her skin. Chris just rolled his eyes at her. She really was a southern princess. A beautiful, charming, funny southern princess. He gulped, watching her head towards a booth in the back. He had a feeling he had bitten off more than he could chew.

---------

"So then, I feel this toe poke me, and I don't know how that's possible, but I guess Brooke's gymnastic lessons are coming in handy. Thank God, I got your text message right after that so I was able to slip out of the room. It seriously was a nightmare," Peyton sighed, before taking another sip of her iced tea.

"Wow, that really does sound like hell, but you need to remember that Brooke doesn't know that you're in love with Lucas, and from what you've told me of Lucas, he wouldn't do something like that if he knew you loved him either. I still think it's tasteless and rude to make out with someone two inches away from you-"

"Why does it sound weird to hear you commenting on tact?" Peyton joked.

"Believe it or not, I do have some discretion when it comes to my relations with the opposite sex. For instance, my hands always stay on another girl's hands when we're in the company of her parents. I never go past first base when in public and most importantly, I would never so much as kiss another girl in front of my ex. I just see that as rude."

"Well, I agree with you," Peyton smiled, propping her head in her hands. "I'm just surprised you see things the same way I do."

"Why's that?"

"Well in the past you've always come across as a slime ball," Peyton said honestly, shrugging her shoulders.

Chris's jaw dropped at that one, but he didn't know whether to fight back or grin. The truth was the one thing Chris Keller admired more than anything in a woman was blunt honesty. He had long since tired of women who said one thing, and felt the other, women who were good at hiding their opinions in order to please a man, or just to please their own expectations of themselves.

Peyton had no expectations. She was basically living day to day, seeing what came next and with him, she didn't see the need to sugarcoat anything. He loved that about her. So instead of being put off by the fact that she said he came across as a slime ball, he was amused.

"Seriously?" he grinned.

"Yeah, I don't know. You've just got this creepy look about you sometimes as though you're trying to steal every woman in town's virtue."

"Ha! Well maybe a few months ago I was. But I've grown since then."

"I'll say it again, Keller. No one grows that fast."

"So you think I still look creepy and act like a slime ball?" Chris said, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his voice.

"No," Peyton sighed, "Unfortunately, I don't."

"Aww, Peyton I know it's hard to admit that I'm incredibly charming and a total catch, but you'll get the hang of it eventually."

"Why is it every time we take two steps forward, you must move us one step back?" Peyton asked, though the grin on her face took away from whatever serious implications the question could have had. Before he could answer, Peyton heard the dulcet tones of "Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting".

"Nice ring tone," Chris said as she struggled to find her cell phone in her oversized messenger bag.

"It's for Nathan," she said rolling her eyes, "I seriously regret letting him pick it out himself." She pulled out her phone. "I'm going to take this outside."

----------

"Hello," Peyton answered as she slid out of the diner.

"God, Sawyer, I swear it takes you years to answer that phone."

"Sorry, Nate, not everything revolves around you, you know?" Peyton snapped.

"Whoa, calm down! You haven't snapped at me like that since we were dating."

"Sorry," Peyton said in a much softer voice, "I'm just a little on edge, and this heat is doing nothing for my mood."

"I should have known. The thermometer reads over seventy and you go haywire."

"Exactly," Peyton sighed, "So why did you call?"

"Can't a friend just call a friend? Must there always be an ulterior motive?"

"Usually I'd agree with you, but you hate phone conversations. You try to avoid them as much as possible."

"Says who?" Nathan challenged.

"Says you on our very first date. I believe you're exact words were 'Listen babe, one thing you should know right off the bat is I don't like using the phone.' Then, you shoved your tongue down my throat."

"You remember that?"

"Well the make-outs were always intense. I-"

"No, I meant my exact words."

"Well, yeah. I have a good memory when it comes to the guys I date."

"Huh."

"You're not getting nostalgic on me, are you Nate?" Peyton teased.

"No, I just guess it makes sense why it's so hard for you to be around Lucas."

"What do you mean?" Peyton said softly, her voice almost a whisper.

"He promised you a lot of things."

"_It's not glass in my leg…is it?" Peyton paused, trying to meet his eyes. She was so tired, and it felt as though her body was becoming limper by the second as though she was going to melt into the ground. _

"_No it's a bullet…" The words felt like an anvil crushing all of the hope she had left of making it out of their alive. For a girl who thrived on angst, this was not as thrilling as the music she listened to made it sound. "Now, I may have to get you out of here, but nothing will happen to you."_

_He didn't know that, Peyton thought nervously._

"_I promise."_

_Suddenly, Peyton didn't feel so weighed down anymore._

"Hello? Peyton? Are you still there?"

Peyton shook herself from her thoughts. "Sorry, Nate."

"That's okay. I should have realized by now that if I mention Lucas you're likely to go off into one of your little trances."

"Hey!" Peyton admonished.

"What? It's true. You're such an emo kid."

"Oh shut up," Peyton growled, "Why the hell did you call again?"

"Oh right," Nathan said as if suddenly remembering there was a purpose behind his call, "Well you see…my wife and your best friend are trying to figure out why you left early last night. Both of them are too chicken to ask you straight out so they'd rather play Scooby Doo and put together the clues whereas I'd rather be direct. Why'd you leave?"

"Oh you mean couples night? Where everyone was paired off and either going at it or being incredibly romantic? Yeah that was so enjoyable, but you know I suddenly remembered in the middle of those _good times_ that I needed to wash my hair and zone out to my loser rock. Clearly, you can understand why I left with such pressing matters on my agenda."

"Your sarcasm wounds me, Peyton," Nathan said, with a small chuckle, "I had a feeling it was something like that."

"Yeah, well, being single sucks with friends like you," Peyton sighed, leaning against the windowpane from the diner.

"Bring a single friend to wallow with," Nathan said simply.

"Or I could just not go."

"No, that won't work. Haley and Brooke will just spend the next two months nagging you to come. They won't hesitate to resort to kidnapping."

"Nate, even if I did decide to come, I don't have any single friends. Or at least none that I'd want to subject to couple's night."

"Hmm," Nathan pondered, "I'll think of something. Call you back when I do."

"Whatever," Peyton muttered, "Later Nathan." She flipped her phone closed and moved to head back into the diner. She hadn't gotten more than two steps when her phone started to ring. Before she even could say hello, Nathan spoke.

"Bring Keller."

"You're kidding, right?" Peyton chuckled.

"No, I'm not. Bring Chris Keller."

"You want me to bring Chris Keller to movie night. Brooke hates him! Haley only stands him because you like him! I'm only seeing negatives right now."

"Well let's think of the positives of bringing him. Lucas hates him. There you go, Peyt. There's your answer."

"Oh come on! How petty is that?"

"Think of the look on Luke's face when you show up with Chris Keller. That has to make you a little intrigued."

"Why would I subject Chris to that kind of torture?"

"Just ask him. I bet he wouldn't mind coming."

"I'll give it a shot," Peyton sighed, and quickly added, "But only because I don't want to be the only single person there! It has nothing to do with making Lucas pissed!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Nathan said, and though Peyton couldn't see it, she could picture the smirk gracing his face. "I'm gonna go. Haley's calling me."

---------

"Nathan thinks you should go with me," Peyton said, sliding back into the booth. Chris stared at her for a second, trying to decipher what exactly she meant.

"Go where?"

"Movie night," Peyton rolled her eyes, "I just wanted to stop going but Nathan's convinced that Brooke is going to kidnap-"

"Okay, sounds good," Chris shrugged, picking up his menu and glancing over the desserts. "I wonder if they have pie here."

"Wait, did you hear me right?" Peyton said.

"I think apple pie would be good right now," he said, ignoring her as he scanned the list, "Maybe I'll just go with the ice cream sundae though."

"Focus, Keller," Peyton said, banging her hand down on the counter. Chris flinched, putting down his menu.

"What's the big deal? I said I'd go."

"Yeah but you didn't even put up a fight."

"Right," Chris said slowly, studying her face as if she were crazy, "Because I wanted to come with you."

"Why the hell would you want to subject yourself to that?"

Chris let out a deep breath and folded his hands neatly on the table. "Let me let you in on a little secret, blondie. I'm an antagonist by nature. I can't help it. While most guys strive to be the hero and the knight in shining armor, I have always felt much more comfortable pissing people off." He paused giving her a pointed look. "_Now_, you're presenting me with a wonderful opportunity to annoy the hell out of Brooke Davis, Haley James and Lucas Scott, all of whom are incredibly funny to watch when pissed off. Add to that movies and free food and I'm there."

"Well then it's a date," Peyton nodded, before realizing her words, "Not a real date though."

"Clearly," Chris said rolling his eyes, "Our first date will be much more romantic."

"In your dreams maybe."

"Every night, goldilocks," Chris smirked, "Every night."

-----------

Lucas Scott didn't know how he wound up in his closet. One minute he had been listening to his Travis CD and the next he was sitting on the floor sifting through a shoebox. Not just any shoebox. The Peyton box.

It was as if he was on autopilot, only waking up when he felt a strip of cotton brush his fingers. It was then he realized he was grasping the shirt that he had used on Peyton's leg during the school shooting. The box had grown since he had last looked through it. The box itself was bursting at the seams. He needed to get a bigger box.

"What are you doing in here?"

The voice surprised him, so much so that he almost jumped up, but turning to the door he spotted his mother looking very amused.

"I wish I knew," he said truthfully, "I just wound up in here."

"Should I be scared that you blacked out and wound up clutching a bloody shirt in your closet?"

"What?" Lucas asked furrowing his eyebrows before glancing down at his hands. "Oh. This isn't what it looks like."

"Care to explain?" Karen asked, leaning against the doorway.

"It's from the day of the school shooting. I...uh…used it on Peyton's leg," Lucas said, his cheeks coloring, "Umm this is my Peyton box."

"Peyton box?" Karen asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Yeah, it's a collection of things that remind me of Peyton. Stuff from when we were dating. Stuff from after, when we were friends."

"Lucas-"

"Mom, I know what you're going to say, but you don't get it," Lucas sighed, "It's complicated. After the shooting…" Lucas trailed off.

"You know we've never really talked about that day," Karen said softly, "What was it like?"

"It was the scariest day of my life," Lucas said simply, "I've never seen Peyton so frightened either. Usually, she's so closed off. She hides her emotions, all her pain. But that day, she was so raw. She cried, more than I've ever seen from her. I just wanted to stay strong for her, but I was shaking most of the time."

"That day, I promised Peyton she'd be okay. And she was. She got out of there alive, but ever since then she's been different. I don't know what it is, but she's been avoiding me like the plague and there's nothing I can do about it. Before that day, I had put the box in the back of the closet. Now, I keep it here, towards the front, and whenever, I'm worried about her, I wind up here, sifting through all this stuff and telling myself she's going to be okay."

"I know it's stupid that I keep all this stuff because it seems like I'm still hung up on her. If Brooke ever saw this box again, she'd go haywire. But I need it. It's the only way I can convince myself that she's going to get over this." Lucas looked up at his mother, begging her with his eyes to understand.

"I'm not going to lie, Lucas," Karen began, "It seems to me like you're not over Peyton, but then again, I don't think anyone gets over their first love." She paused to take a deep breath. "That being said, a lot of the problems you've been having with Brooke are over not opening up-"

"Here's how it goes, mom," Lucas said cutting her off, "I worry about Peyton a lot because she won't talk to me. She won't let me know what's going on in that head of hers. So I try and draw my own conclusions but I have no idea what she's really thinking and that pisses me off because I could always read Peyton really well before the shooting. So, now I'm upset and broody because I don't know how to fix what's wrong with her. Brooke asks why I'm upset. I can't tell her, now, can I? Because every time I tell her I'm worried about Peyton that automatically means in Brooke's mind that I'm a lying piece of scum, still pining over her best friend. So, what I've learned to do is just say nothing's wrong which Brooke sees right through. Then, she yells at me for not letting her in. How am I supposed to let her in when she's not going to like what she hears?"

"A catch-22," Karen said, trying to hide the amused smile from her face and failing miserably.

"Why are smiling like that?" Lucas huffed.

"Lucas, do you worry about Haley?"

"Yeah."

"What about Skillz and Mouth and Fergie?"

"Sometimes," Lucas said slowly, "Where are you going with this?"

"When you're worried about them, do you tell Brooke?"

"No, why would I?"

"Well you just said that when you worry about Peyton, Brooke can tell you're upset. So why can't she tell you're upset when you're worrying about Haley or Mouth?"

"It's different with Peyton," Lucas said quickly, waving it off.

"That's the problem, Lucas," Karen sighed, "Both you and Brooke know that your relationship with Peyton Sawyer is different than yours with anyone else." Lucas was silent, having no answer to give his mother that could justify his actions. He simply stared down at the box in front of him, proof that he and Peyton were different than most friends.

"What am I supposed to do, mom?" Lucas groaned, "I love Brooke. I want our relationship to work, but I can't cut Peyton out. I can't throw away this box, and I can't stop worrying about her no matter how hard I try."

Karen wanted more than anything to tell her son to open his eyes. He didn't love Brooke, not as much as he loved Peyton. His martyr complex could only go so far as to explain his worry over the curly blonde. After awhile, his excuses had run out. He had blurred the line between friendship and something more the moment he had walked back into that school building and saved Peyton Sawyer. That wasn't being a martyr. That was being a lover.

But Karen couldn't tell him to break up with Brooke. She couldn't tell him that it was Peyton he loved more than anything and that eventually he would learn the hard way. She couldn't spare him the heartbreak he would suffer once Brooke had had enough or Peyton moved on and it was too late for them. No, as a mother, she knew he had to grow on his own.

"You'll figure it out, Luke," she said, "Right now though you might want to put that box away. Brooke might drop by and I doubt you want her seeing it."

"Right," Lucas sighed, as his mother slid out of his room with a quick wink. He didn't know what to think anymore. All he wanted to do was love Brooke and fix Peyton. Why was it impossible to both at the same time?

_There was a time you let me know what's really going on below, _

_But now you never show it to me, do you? _

_Remember when I moved in you? _

_The holy dark was moving too, _

_And every breath we drew was Hallelujah_


	7. Signal Fire

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Bia who waited patiently for it and encouraged me with her gorgeous LPC art. She's the only other person I know who's as obsessed with the LPC triangle as I am. So this one's for her. As always, thanks to Ellie for beta'ing. Y'all enjoy and review if you got the time :D.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the song Signal Fire by Snow Patrol.

Chapter Seven: Signal Fire

"Nathan, I don't like surprises."

"I know you don't," Nathan said simply as he placed some more coasters on the coffee table.

"I really don't like them."

"Brooke, I'm not telling you."

"Just a hint."

"I already gave you a hint. I told you it was a guy and that just made you worse."

"Well, P. Sawyer is bringing a single guy. It implies that she's got a thing for him, and it's my job to make sure he's a good guy."

"He is a good guy."

"Nathan," Brooke whined.

"Brooke, leave him alone," Lucas sighed.

"Come on, broody, aren't you curious?" Brooke said tugging on Lucas's sleeve.

"Nope," Lucas shrugged, plopping down on the chair. The truth was Lucas was dreading this. Peyton never had good luck with guys. It always ended in disaster, and he was sure this would end the same way. He hated seeing her hurt.

"Nathan, please give me one more clue!" Brooke whined, "Please." She gave Nathan her best pout and he sighed.

"Fine."

"Make sure it's a good one. Something to help me figure out if he's worthy of my approval."

"Okay, that's easy," Nathan smirked, "You've slept with him."

Brooke and Lucas both blanched.

"Huh?" Brooke asked.

"Well, you have," Nathan shrugged, "I'm gonna go grab some chips."

"That's really not fair," Brooke said, following after him, "I've slept with a lot of guys. A lot of whom I don't approve of."

Lucas heard his girlfriend's voice trail off as she bantered with Nathan in the kitchen. He suddenly had the strangest feeling he knew who Peyton was bringing. He remembered her phone call last movie night. Hadn't he heard her say…No! It couldn't be.

"No way," Lucas muttered, shaking his head, "That's impossible."

-------

"It's gonna be fine," Chris assuaged for the fifth time in two minutes.

"Right," Peyton said distractedly as she tapped her fingers on the armrest between them. He couldn't help but smile at her nerves. He could tell her nervousness was something she was usually good at hiding. Today, however, was different. "Do you think we can go over the rules again?"

"What rules?" Chris smirked. Seeing Peyton's angry glare, he relented glancing out the window with a sigh. Nathan and Haley's apartment was just standing there, mocking him. "Peyton, this is stupid. Can't we just go inside?"

"Rule number one," Peyton said ignoring him, "Don't refer to the time you slept with Brooke. Rule number two, don't egg on Lucas about the time you slept with Brooke or the fact that you kissed Haley or-"

"Imply that I'm sleeping with you," Chris rolled his eyes, "Got it."

"Rule number three, Rachel is not a slut-"

"-she just dresses like one-"

"-Bevin is not stupid-"

"-smart as red meat-"

"-and Lucas is not gay-"

"Debatable," Chris muttered. He turned to look at Peyton, "You done now?"

"Why did I bring you again?" Peyton groaned.

"Because you like me."

"Debatable," Peyton said echoing his previous words with a smirk.

"I promise I'll be good, so can we please go inside?" Chris begged.

"Fine," Peyton sighed, opening her door. Chris followed her lead and the two headed up to the door in comfortable silence. Peyton rang the doorbell, her hands shaking.

"It'll be okay, Peyton," Chris said touching her shoulder. She just nodded, half-heartedly.

-----

That was how Luke found them. Peyton staring at the ground, her arms wrapped around her small frame and Chris Keller patting her on the shoulder sympathetically. He was sure that this was some strange illusion and that if he shut the door and reopened it; Peyton would be outside with some one else. He was very tempted to do just that, until Peyton glanced up and her bright green eyes widening and locking with his. Nope. Definitely not an illusion.

"Hey Luke," Peyton said, trying to hide her discomfort. Chris suddenly realized Luke's presence as well and his hand slid off Peyton's shoulder. Peyton glanced over at her "date" for the night. "I brought Chris."

"I see that," Lucas said simply.

"Lucas, it's good to see you again," Chris said, racking his brain for reasons why he bothered coming tonight. This was definitely not going to be good.

"Likewise," Lucas said sarcastically.

"Please," Peyton begged, "Can you two just try and be civil?"

"Peyton-" Lucas began.

"No, Luke, don't start. He's my friend, and I want him to be here, okay? You of all people should know that I couldn't stand him before. I wouldn't bring him unless I knew he was going to be good."

"He's an asshole. People like that don't change."

"Wow, let's continue talking about me like I'm not standing right here," Chris smirked.

"Whatever," Lucas said, rolling his eyes, "It's not me you have to worry about anyways. It's Brooke."

"She'll be fine," Chris promised, seeing Peyton's worry. He patted her on the shoulder again and Lucas glared. He had the strongest urge to shout out, 'Don't touch her!', but he quickly realized how absurd he was being.

"Maybe I should talk to her first," Peyton said.

"No, I got a better idea," Chris said, "I'll talk to her. You wait here, okay?"

"Chris, I don't think-"

"Trust me," Chris said firmly, glancing at Lucas before heading inside. The shriek that followed caused both Peyton and Lucas to jump.

"Guess Brooke found out," Peyton mumbled.

"So Chris Keller, huh?" Lucas said, leaning against the apartment door.

"Yeah," Peyton said meekly, "But it's not what you think. We're not together or anything, just friends."

"Right." Sarcasm dripped from the word.

"What? Why can't we just be friends? You make it sound like I'm physically incapable of having guy friends."

"You are."

"What about Nathan?"

"You dated him."

"And what about you?" Peyton countered.

"We dated."

"No we didn't," Peyton said, letting out a small noise of disbelief.

Lucas eyed her curiously, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He stood up straight. "Well then what did we do, Peyton?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out," Peyton said quietly, averting her eyes to the dark sky before her. The stars were out in full force. Peyton leaned on the railing in front of her, turning her back to him. He came and stood next to her, enjoying the quiet. The peaceful view of thousands of tiny lights illuminating the space above them was calming both their nerves. They both felt something, distant and aching, for their past, but neither of them had the courage to touch on it. Instead, they reveled in the beauty before them.

Peyton, unused to the quiet, began humming. The tune Lucas swore he had heard before, but he couldn't quite remember the words. Before he could ask her about them, the front door burst open and Brooke appeared.

"Peyton," she said, her voice barely containing her frustration.

"Brooke," Peyton said calmly turning around to meet her friend's stare.

"Your…friend…wants to see you," Brooke said, struggling over the word 'friend'.

"Brooke, I-"

"It's okay." Brooke's abrupt tone cut Peyton's words in her tracks, "He's already filled me in on the fact you two are just friends, and that he's trying to change and be a better person and he even apologized and seemed _semi-_sincere."

"He's a good guy underneath it all. He's helped me through a lot these past couple weeks."

"What stuff?" Lucas asked, cutting off Brooke's question.

"Just stuff," Peyton shrugged, "Everyone's got issues and all of you are dealing with yours, and Chris can be impartial."

"Okay," Brooke said accepting her words. Lucas on the other hand, still seemed weary, but Peyton had no time to elaborate. Brooke was pulling on her arm. "Tomorrow you're going to tell me all about how you and Keller hooked up-"

"We're not dating, Brooke."

"Yet," Brooke smirked, leading her inside. "Broody, don't stay out here too long. We want to start the movie."

Lucas watched as his girlfriend and her best friend slid back into the house. He let out a deep breath and glanced back out at the night sky. The song Peyton was humming began to echo in his head and the words came to him in a sudden flash.

"The stars are crying for what we could have had," Lucas whispered to no one.

----------

Peyton was shocked at how well it had gone so far with Chris. He had immediately bonded with Rachel, his whole wit over the Brooke situation tapping into her bitch side. Haley was enjoying bantering with him as well. His charm had seemingly worked wonders with everyone, even Brooke who had cracked a few smiles. The only person who wasn't smiling was Lucas.

It wasn't that he was angry. He had decided to give Chris the benefit of the doubt when it came to Peyton, but the way he and Peyton acted was definitely getting to him. The little things like the way Chris would stare at Peyton whenever she talked or the way Peyton would grab his arm when she was trying to make a point. The interaction was more than friendly. He was sure of that.

It didn't help that once the movies were on, Peyton and Chris were even more annoying. They kept whispering and giggling, seemingly mocking the romantic comedy. Peyton hated romantic comedies, Lucas knew that well. As a result, she had agreed to watch the movie if her and Chris could pick the second one. And their choice had been Cinderella. He didn't know what was worse, the giggling and whispering from the first, or the dancing and singing along to the second. When the credits for Cinderella rolled, Lucas felt the need for a strong scotch.

"I'm so glad we've found another person to sing 'Cinderelli, Cinderelli' with us," Brooke giggled. Peyton had just excused herself to the bathroom, leaving Chris alone with the group.

"Just one of my many charms," Chris winked.

"You know, you never mentioned your Disney fetish when we were on tour," Haley mentioned, "We had a lot of boring nights on those bus rides."

"Yeah well it slipped my mind," Chris smiled.

"You were embarrassed."

"Not really. I think fairy tales tell a great story. Love can conquer all."

"Isn't that the truth?" Haley said looking at Nathan. They both shared a small smile and Rachel and Chris groaned at the same time.

"It's not the truth," Rachel said, "Not for most of us."

"It's true love," Haley said firmly, "True love can conquer all. Most people don't find it until they're older. Nathan and I were just lucky."

"I think fairy tales exaggerate the power of love," Chris said honestly, "Love is great and all, but there are limits no man would go to for the woman he loves. Well, most men."

"I'm intrigued," Haley admitted, propping her head up.

"I'll explain," Chris said taking a breath, "In fairy tales, true love is a love that's so deep that no one stands a chance against it. No spell casting evil witches or powerful, scary monsters. Not only that, fairy tale love can withstand fear, jealousy, pain, anger, rage and most of all death. In a fairy tale, Prince Charming doesn't care what stands in his way. If Princess is stuck in the tower that's fifty feet tall, without stairs, covered in thorn filled vines with a dragon barking at its feet, he will find a way to get to her. If he's been convinced that she doesn't love him, that she never loved him and it was always a trick, he'll know in his heart it's a lie, and he'll chase after her and find a way to make her believe him."

"Now let's put him in the real world. Put Princess in a burning building. Tell Prince Charming that the Princess doesn't love him; she's just been using him for sex or playing with his emotions and she really has a thing for his best friend. Prince Charming isn't gonna risk a damn thing. Because in this world, love only exists when it's easy enough to believe in and when you don't have to fight for it. In short, how many men do you see going that far for the girls they love? Very few these days." He paused to take a breath, shrugging his shoulders; "I mean besides Nate, Hales, did you see anyone else running in to your school during the shooting?"

Chris was too busy focusing on Haley to notice Brooke almost in tears next to him and Lucas trying his best not to look at anyone. All the others were in shock besides Nathan who was just holding in his smirk. He was so glad he had Peyton bring Chris tonight.

Luckily for Haley, she never had to answer that question. Peyton re-entered the room.

"Hey Keller, do you think we could leave now?"

"Sawyer, it's only eleven," Nathan smirked, "What are you? Eighty years old?"

"My leg is cramping up, okay?" Peyton playfully glared at him before her eyes widened in shock, "Oh God that really does make me sound like I'm eighty."

"You said it, not me," Nathan muttered.

"Well excuse me and the three inch scar on my knee." Peyton put her hands on her hips, then let out a painful breath before leaning on the arm of Chris's chair.

"You okay, blondie?" Chris said softly.

"Yeah." Peyton tried to assure him with a nod. "Just remind me never to get shot again." She winced again, tears forming in her eyes.

"You were involved in the shooting too? I thought that was just Nathan and Haley."

"I was there," Peyton said simply, "Not as long as Nathan and Haley were stuck in there though."

"So what did you do? Hop outside? Crawl?"

"Huh?"

"How'd you get out of the building if you had a bullet in your leg?" he said it slowly as if he was talking to a child. Peyton glared at him before slapping him the shoulder.

"Lucas came and got me," she said giving Chris a look, "No hopping or crawling involved. Now can we go?"

"Sure," Chris nodded, "Go get your purse."

"All right." Peyton hobbled out of the room and as soon as she was far enough away, Chris started chuckling.

"Well, well, well," Chris said, turning his attention to Lucas who had his head buried in his hands, "It seems I was mistaken, Prince Charming."

"It's a long, complicated story," Lucas gritted out. He could feel Brooke's eyes boring into the side of his head.

"Like any good fairy tale nowadays."

"Ready to go?" Peyton said reappearing with her purse in toe.

"Yeah," Chris said standing up, "Come on, princess."

Peyton furrowed her eyebrows at the term of endearment. She turned to the group who all seemed to be much quieter than she had left them. "Thanks for putting up with Chris."

"It was nothing, man," Skillz piped up, "Bring him back next time."

"I agree," Rachel smirked, ignoring Mouth's pleading look.

"It really has been a pleasure meeting you all," Chris smirked, wrapping his arm around Peyton's shoulder.

"What has gotten into you?" Peyton chuckled.

"Nothing, babe. Nothing at all."

"I'll let you two out," Nathan said jumping up. Once the three were outside, Chris turned to Peyton.

"Can you wait in the car a second? I need to talk to Nate."

"Sure." As soon as she was out of earshot, Chris let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding.

"How'd I do?"

"Great. I personally loved the end of the night where you connected the dots between Lucas and Peyton without even knowing."

"Well, you should have stopped me."

"How? Start a signal fire."

"That would have been nice, man. Maybe if the living room had caught on fire, Brooke wouldn't have noticed I was still talking."

"Why are you so worried about Brooke?"

"I don't want her taking this out on Peyton," Chris sighed, "Peyton has done everything in her power to ignore her feelings for Lucas. If I had known-"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Nathan said, slapping Chris upside the head, "You're turning into a softie."

"Hey! I'm just trying to be a good person for once."

"Or maybe…" Nathan trailed off, "No! That would be too priceless."

"What?" Chris asked rubbing the spot where Nathan had hit him.

"Maybe you're developing feelings for Ms. Sawyer."

"Shut up," Chris muttered, though his cheeks tinting the slightest shade of red gave him away.

"Oh wow. It's true," Nathan sighed, "So, you're falling for Peyton. Peyton's still hung up on Lucas. Lucas still refuses to admit he loves Peyton and is clinging onto Brooke. And Brooke is probably gonna kick his ass to the curb in the very near future. Lovely. I'll make sure to start carrying a video camera so I can record all this unfolding."

"Whatever," Chris said rolling his eyes, "I left Peyton in the car."

"Go," Nathan said, a wry smile on his face, "Don't keep your girlfriend waiting."

"You suck." Chris turned around and headed for his car. Nathan watched him and Peyton drive off, a grin still plastered on his face.

"Hey you." Nathan turned around to find his wife edging her way out of the house.

"Hey Haley," he said softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Just thinking." He placed a small kiss on the crown of her head.

"About?" Haley said looking up at him.

"I'm so glad I tied you down when I did," Nathan sighed, "I can't imagine having to deal with this high school romance drama."

"Well speaking of drama," Haley said taking a deep breath, "We might want to head over to Rivercourt for a couple of hours."

"Why?"

"Mouth, Rachel, Skillz and Bevin just snuck out the back door, leaving Brooke and Lucas alone in our living room."

"Sounds like a plan," Nathan said pulling out his keys, "You don't need a coat, do you?"

"Even if I did, I wouldn't risk going back in there for one."

----

_All I wanted just sped right past me,  
While I was rooted fast to the earth,  
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,  
Without your arms to drag me out,_

_**No I won't wait forever  
**_


	8. Lie in the Sound

A/N: No big note today. Sorry for the wait though. This chapter is unbeta'ed seeing as my beta is on vacation for the week, and I figured y'all were tired of waiting. Therefore, all the mistakes are my own. Enjoy this! Review if possible. They really do keep me going even when college is kicking my ass.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the song Lie in the Sound by Trespassers William.

Chapter Eight: Lie in the Sound

_I love you more than I should _

_So much more than is good for me _

_More than is good _

_Oh the timing is cruel _

_Oh I need and don't want to need _

_More than I should_

If Brooke Davis had learned one thing in her short seventeen years on this planet, it was that life was a constant battle. No, she wasn't being dramatic for once. She was being honest. Her experiences thus far had taught her to always be prepared for someone stronger, smarter and better equipped to sweep down and take what you held closest to you. Because there was always someone better out there who wanted just what you wanted. Someone who took without knowing they were taking. Someone who fought just because they knew they would win.

It started with her parents, Victoria and Richard Davis. Married at twenty as part of a multi-million dollar business deal between their parents. They were worst enemies, polar opposites who only shared one thing in common; their love to hurt. When she was younger, Brooke had always thought that it would be romantic if her parents suddenly realized they were madly in love just like a fairy tale where the princess sees through the prince's pompous exterior.

Victoria Davis didn't have X-ray vision, though, but she did have a mean right hook and deadly aim with a thousand dollar Venetian vase. Her father knew how to duck and drink. Perfect match.

Brooke soon learned that if she wanted to survive life she'd have to learn how to throw that vase. But before she could truly master the art, she met Peyton Sawyer. They were nine years old. Peyton was too skinny, pale and sickly looking and her big green eyes would scare you if you looked at her too fast. She was quiet and gloomy and the epitome of anti-social. Brooke didn't realize this, but part of her did know that if Brooke was ever going to survive life she'd need someone weaker to latch onto. Someone who needed her more than she needed them. Subconscious mutual symbiosis.

However, Brooke discovered that Peyton Sawyer was exactly what she should have been trying to avoid. At fourteen, Brooke and Peyton were separated for a summer. Brooke had cheerleading camp and Peyton was going to visit an aunt up in Vermont. When they reunited two months later, Peyton Sawyer was no longer gangly, pale and awkward. She was taller. Her body had filled out so that she was no longer all bones, but rather healthy. Her curls had gotten thicker and they contrasted perfectly with her eyes. She was still a sarcastic, moody bitch, but even that was seemingly more charming.

All in all, she was better than Brooke, in every way possible.

Whatever Peyton wanted Peyton got. She was made captain of the cheerleading squad and quickly turned it down only for Brooke to take the leftovers. She got Nathan Scott, the king of Tree Hill High and well respected sex god, as her boyfriend. She got her own car. Her own house (her father was never around, whereas, Brooke's parents kept the maids watching her like a hawk). Her art was published in a magazine at sixteen and she could wear whatever she wanted and get away with it. Brooke learned quickly that if she was going to survive high school, she had to find Peyton's Achilles heel. Attack that and win. Perfect. Easy. Simple.

Lucas Scott was Peyton's Achilles heel. And Brooke could tell the second her friend laid eyes on him during his first practice. It was all too easy. Win Lucas. Win the war.

Skip ahead two years and Brooke Davis was a seasoned warrior. She had fought tooth and nail to get him to fall for her. And he faltered at first, cheating on her with Peyton, of all people, and he broke both her and Peyton's hearts. Brooke decided that winning wasn't worth it anymore. Not when so many people were hurting because of it. Believe it or not she had a heart. But then he threw her for a twist, and when she wasn't looking, he kissed her and told her he wanted to be with her. And a new chapter was born.

Now, she knew that he had been wrong. She would always be a means to an end, a bump in the road in the epic and twisted romance that was Peyton Sawyer and Lucas Scott. She could never compete with Peyton. Peyton was unforgettable and undeniable and intriguing all wrapped up in a wry smile and a quirk of an eyebrow.

She had denied it for years, telling herself that she could fight it. She could win. She could be like her mother and father. She could get what she wanted. But it was all wrong and the minute Chris Keller of all people, had opened her eyes to what happened in that library she realized it.

Lucas Scott would have never run into a school shooting to save her.

And so for the first time ever, Brooke Davis was going to raise her white flag and surrender.

"We need to break up Lucas," she said, her eyes focusing on the spilled popcorn which had spread across the table.

"Brooke, you don't mean that," Lucas sighed, "I know you're thinking about what Chris said, and-"

"If you could look me in the eye and tell me everything he said was wrong, then I'll believe you." Brooke paused to meet his eyes, her own brimming with tears. "But you can't. Not without lying and I'm tired of lies."

"Peyton is important to me," Lucas began, averting his eyes to his hands which were folded in his lap. "She and I have always connected on a level I didn't know existed and part of me will always love her. But, Brooke, I didn't save Peyton because I'm in love with her. I saved her because it's who I am. I couldn't let a friend die, not when I knew I could help her."

"I know. That's the guy I fell in love with…"

"So then don't let some silly metaphor ruin our relationship!"

"What relationship? Lucas, all we do is argue! And all we argue about is Peyton, the girl you love."

"We argue because that's what couples do. It's part of a relationship. And we don't always argue about Peyton."

"First of all, it's not healthy! Secondly, we always argue about the same thing. Trust. I don't trust you. You don't trust me."

"Right."

"I don't trust you because I know in my heart, you're always going to be in love with Peyton. I feel like this whole relationship is running on borrowed time. And I'm thinking that our time has run up," Brooke said firmly. There it was. The white flag, "I'm done."

"Brooke…" Lucas begged, his voice sounding as if he was choking, "Don't do this. I know this is hard, but we can't give up. We can make it through this. We have to at least try."

"Lucas," Brooke sighed. He was trying so hard to appeal to her determination.

"I love you, Brooke," Lucas whispered, "And I promise it will get better."

Brooke's eyes glanced into his. She knew he was fighting a losing battle, but until he realized that, she would never be strong enough to tell him otherwise.

"Okay," she said, her head nodding slightly in acceptance. He moved forward enveloping her in a giant hug and kissing the top of her head.

She could picture the white flag burning in the background.

------------

"So…"

"Soooo."

Peyton and Chris exchanged glances as they stopped in front of Peyton's door. Chris had insisted on walking her up to the door despite Peyton's half hearted protests. It felt like a date. A really good first date that neither wanted to end.

"How'd I do?" Chris asked, breaking their silence.

"Well," Peyton said twiddling with the straps of her purse, "I have to say you surprised me."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was positive that I would regret bringing you, but you were nothing but genuine and polite, and Brooke absolutely loved you, which makes me think hell might be freezing over somewhere."

Chris let out a long laugh.

"No seriously, Keller, you had all the girls practically swooning over you. I didn't know you could be that charming."

"Well there's only one girl I want swooning after me," he said, boldly taking his hand in hers, rubbing her knuckles with his callused thumb. He saw her green eyes peak out from under her thick lashes to see if he was being serious or not. He chickened out and grinned suggestively causing her cheeks to redden and her to giggle very uncharacteristically.

"I swear, you're the only guy who can make me giggle," she said, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. He dropped her hand, and daringly reached in, planting a small kiss on her cheek.

"Good," he whispered in her ear before drawing back. Their faces were inches apart. "You need to lighten up, Sawyer." He sent her a wink before backing away, his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Goodnight Chris," Peyton managed to say when she realized he was already at his car. She was trying to figure out what exactly had just happened.

"Goodnight blondie."

-------------

Lucas didn't know why he was here, but he did know that it was a pattern that he really should be breaking. Anytime something dramatic or climatic happened between him and Brooke, he went to see Peyton. It was habit. If there was one person he should be avoiding right now, it was Peyton. It was always Peyton.

He didn't bother knocking. He never did. He just slowly climbed the stairs, making sure his feet were loud enough that she knew someone was coming.

"Brooke!" Peyton called just as he reached the door. She was lying flat on her back on her bed. Her hands were folded over her face, rubbing her eyes. "Can we please postpone the talk about how much Keller and I need to get it on until tomorrow?"

"Well," Lucas said, "I'd really like that, seeing as it's not Brooke."

She threw herself up into a sitting position, her eyes locking with his. A small blush spread across her cheeks, "Oh. Hey Luke." She laid back down and sighed. "I just assumed-"

"Well you know what they say about assuming-"

"Don't finish that sentence or I'll throw something at you." She peeked over at him. He was leaning against her doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, and a silly grin on his face.

"What are you doing here anyways? Shouldn't you be with Brooke?"

"We fought."

Peyton resisted the urge to roll her eyes. What else was knew? Then, she noticed the look on his face. Clearly this fight had been different than the other ones. Something was bugging him and he needed to get it off his chest. And he had come to her.

"Come here," she said patting the spot next to her, "Tell me all about it." The things she did for her friends.

He approached her slowly before sitting on the edge of the bed, with his back to her.

"You do realize it's gonna be really hard to have a conversation with your back," she teased.

"I'm taking off my boots, smart ass."

"Well, I'm really not up for that, Luke. It's been a long night. Plus, you're kind of dating my best friend."

"That didn't stop you before," Lucas said glancing over his shoulder and sending her a wink. Peyton's jaw dropped. She should have felt indignant and pissed, but all she felt was a smile just waiting to burst forth. Ugh, damn Chris Keller for putting her in this good mood.

She slapped him, hard on the back of the head.

"Ouch!"

"Not cool, Lucas," she said, before settling back down.

"I'm sorry," he said half-heartedly, before lying down next to her. They were so close that the sides of their bodies touched. Peyton closed her eyes, memorizing the feeling and chastising herself for it as each moment passed.

They stayed their in silence, just staring up at the cracked and splotchy bedroom ceiling. The sounds of Trespassers William echoed dully through the room. The irony of the words, the hidden meaning not lost on Lucas. But he refused to dwell on it. Instead, he cleared his head of everything. On the other hand, Peyton couldn't help but muse on the current situation.

There was Lucas, the boy she'd loved since the minute she almost ran him over with her car. The boy who saved her so many times over. He took care of her, without needing to be asked. He was the first person to see past Peyton Sawyer the bitch. The first person who made her care about something other than herself.

And then there was Chris, the boy who was slowly but surely making her believe that life didn't have to be so complicated. He made her smile. He understood her. And he listened. He was charming, but not a total pushover. He was edgy and crude and undeniably frustrating. But most of all, he believed that she deserved to be selfish once and awhile. That she needed to stop punishing herself for the past. She thought that maybe just maybe the only way she could forget Lucas was with Chris's help.

"So what happened with Brooke and you?" Peyton ventured, finally breaking their silence.

"It's just…" he sighed, glancing over at her, "I love you, you know that?"

Peyton couldn't help but intake a sharp breath. She hadn't been expecting that. "Yeah…"

"And loving you is a problem when I'm in love with someone else."

"I can imagine that would be the case," Peyton said simply, not sure what else to say. To say Lucas was a little shocked would be an understatement. He was sure that she would try and convince him that he didn't love her. That was what Peyton usually did. She soothed his conscience, pushed him towards Brooke. She kept them going no matter how much he or Brooke doubted it was the right thing to do.

"It's all so complicated."

"It shouldn't be," Peyton said softly, her sad smile tugging at his heartstrings, "I'm so sorry Lucas."

"Don't be," Lucas said quickly.

He put his hand out and she stared at it blankly wondering whether it would burn her if she touched it. Slowly her fingers wrapped around his hand and he brought the down to rest at the point where their hips were touching. He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"We'll figure it out, right?"

Peyton had been trying to figure it out for two months now, and she had no such luck. And now, with Chris, everything just seemed all the more complicated. But, Lucas still had hope, and that made her unable to tell him otherwise.

"Yeah….right."

_I am falling, say my name _

_And I'll lie in the sound _

_What is love, but whatever _

_My heart needs around _

_**And it needs you too much now**_


	9. Sound of Silence

A/N: I'm sorry this update took so long. This is the turning point in the story and it had to be perfect. So I strived super hard to make sure it was that way. Thanks to the lovely Ellie for beta'ing and for all of you who continue to review and embrace this story despite the fact my updates are monthly instead of weekly like I once hoped.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the song Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel.

Chapter Nine: Sound of Silence

_Hello darkness, my old friend,_

_I've come to talk with you again,_

_Because a vision softly creeping,_

_Left its seeds while I was sleeping,_

_And the vision that was planted in my brain_

_Still remains_

_Within the sound of silence._

Lucas Scott was epically screwed. There was no other way to say it. He was damned beyond the point of no return, and it was entirely his own making. Blind, stupid, naïve. Yes he was all of the above. And the worst part was he wasn't epically screwed just yet. He was at that point where he could see the shit flying at the fan, and there was nothing to do to stop it. He could only watch and wait for it all to explode in his face. God, he hated himself at times like this.

All it had taken was one night lying next to Peyton Sawyer for him to realize that he was not over her. Cue the dramatic gasps and shattered glass. Listen for the gong to go off. Yes, indeed, this revelation came out of the blue. He was after all completely convinced not more than twenty-four hours ago that he and Brooke were going to make it, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Yes, he had been positive that Peyton Sawyer was not a problem. Brooke was just being dramatic.

Clearly, he miscalculated.

Originally last night, the plan had been to just sit with Peyton for a bit, talk about things that didn't matter. They were supposed to do what they always did, throw on some loud rock, and ponder out loud. They crowded the thin space between them with noise, idle words and the insistent drumming and high-pitched guitars of some off kilter rock band.

But last night there had been no talking. She was so confused about what to do with him and Chris and Lucas was so tired from his fight with Brooke that all either of them wanted to do was just let the music talk for them. And the music floating in the air had been soft and haunting. It teased them with long breaks filled with muted vocal silence and low beats. And in the quiet interludes, they had the time to think.

He had no idea what Peyton thought about when things got quiet. He remembered she had once told him how much she hated the idea of silence, but last night, she hadn't cared. He, on the other hand, had once embraced the idea of calm, tranquil moments. But that night, being alone with his thoughts was not good.

The first dangerous thought to cross his head was that she smelled good. It made him feel weird saying it, but it was the truth. Her scent always had a way of tugging at his memories, reminding him of things that he had once felt. Things he had buried for the sake of burying and most importantly, things he had hoped to forget.

When he had finally suppressed the thoughts lingering about her scent, he started to think about her hand, which was still currently intertwined with his. It was so delicate and soft. It fit perfectly. He had held many a girl's hand, but none of them had fit that perfectly. And his heart quivered slightly at the thought.

And from that he realized that she was the only girl who had ever done that. His heart had clenched before with Brooke. He had felt misery and pain at the idea of losing her, but she had never made him feel so amazing wonderful just by holding his hand. Peyton, only Peyton, could affect him like she did.

He thought, briefly, about what it meant to be happy. He had overcomplicated the notion behind that term for a long time. Could it possibly be that being happy wasn't something that could be defined? Maybe it just happened.

This was the perfect moment. Happiness in its purest and most unadulterated form. There was no hoopla and bells. No loud music or pulsing heartbeat in your ears. It was just a moment of clarity. It was a segment in time where he didn't have to worry about the past or the future. A moment where he could just soak it all in and smile.

How was it that after countless nights spent making love to Brooke, after declarations in the rain and promises that she was the one, he had never felt this? With Brooke, it was pain; the heartbreaking, miserable kind that he had hoped would lead to this moment. But after six months, it had only been misery with a sprinkle of smiles.

Peyton had hurt him before. Plenty of times. And he was sure that he had hurt her just as many. But the difference was and probably always would be that Peyton and him always grew stronger from it. They could find their way back without having to try. No dramatic love speeches. No fighting for each other. They just unfolded.

He noticed that her breath had evened out and when he glanced over, his thoughts were confirmed. She was asleep. And he let his own eyes close, surrendered to the moment. Tomorrow, he could feel guilty. Tomorrow, he could convince himself the silence had him thinking crazy. Tonight, he'd just embrace it and rest.

But when morning came, he realized he couldn't forget it. He couldn't bury it because for the first time in two years, Lucas Scott slept a peaceful sleep.

So now, he had no idea what to do except keep his mouth shut and hope this all just sorted itself out. He was not going to see Peyton anymore than he had to, and he was going to avoid Brooke too. Just let it pass. Let another opportunity slip. Peyton and he were good with the whole missed timing thing.

Yeah. That sounded easy enough.

After all, what was one more missed chance?

-------

"Do I go with the pomegranate or the passion fruit?"

"Is passion fruit really a fruit?"

"Well seeing as the name has fruit in it I would assume so," Peyton said examining the bottle of lotions in front of her. "I think I'm gonna go with the lavender actually."

"Why are we here again?" Chris asked, shuffling the bags that had been unceremoniously dumped in his lap. Peyton had called him this morning with a cryptic message about meeting him at the mall, and while Chris hated malls more than he hated teen pop, he couldn't resist spending more time with Peyton Sawyer.

She was growing on him, more so than he ever imagined. She was everything he looked for in a woman. She was quirky, good looking, sarcastic and had an excellent taste in music. Basically, she was Haley without the wedding ring and the annoying sense of self-righteousness. Most importantly though, she didn't mind who he was. Chris Keller was arrogant and rude and was in the best scenario, morally gray.

But Peyton took him for what he was and let him into her life, be it unwillingly at first. Now there was no reason to keep him around and yet she still did. That told him maybe, just maybe, he had a chance with her. Not that he would be getting his hopes up. He knew she was still head over heels in love with that pompous ass, Lucas Scott. But time could change that, and if there was one thing Chris had, it was time.

That was why he had been trying to spend more time with her. Unfortunately, he assumed that his mall trip would be just the two of them.

"Peyton! Bagboy! I think I found the perfect shoes!" Brooke's high-pitched giggle echoed from across the store, and Chris and Peyton exchanged looks.

"We're here because Brooke needs shoes," Peyton said, answering his question.

"Okay, correction. Why am I here?"

"Because we needed a bag boy," Peyton shrugged.

"That hurts," Chris said dramatically placing a hand over his heart as if wounded.

"Well if it's any consolation, I'm really glad you're here because if there's one thing I hate more than shoe shopping with Brooke Davis, it's doing it alone."

"Glad to suffer with you," Chris smirked.

"It's also good that you get to know Brooke since we're hanging out and all," Peyton said offhandedly as they headed toward the shoe section.

"Is that so?"

"Well yeah. I mean, Brooke's my best friend and you're my…other friend."

"Other friend? Do you mean to tell me you only have one 'other' friend and that's me?"

"No," Peyton said shooting him a glare, "I just don't know how to classify you right now."

"Well right now seeing as I'm carrying five bags, four of which contain your purchases, I'd say we could call me your slave."

"Baby," Peyton teased, sticking out her tongue.

"Enough with the foreplay, people!" Brooke said charging up to both of them, a shoe in each hand. "I'm having a little problem. On one hand…actually, wait…in one hand, we have the peek toe espadrilles, in the other hand; we have the kitten heel slip ons. Which one says I'm-fashion-forward-buy-my-designs?"

"Kitten heels," Peyton answered automatically.

"Neither," Chris countered, glancing over at the jewelry counter, disinterested, "The stiletto boots you've been eyeing for the past hour would work and yes, they're worth the money."

Brooke gasped, her eyes locking with Peyton as a beaming smile slid across her face. She clutched onto to Chris's arm jolting him and bringing his attention back to them.

"You're coming with me while I try them on," Brooke said pulling him away before he even had a chance to respond.

Peyton just watched them go, a silly grin on her face. She was so glad that Brooke had taken a liking to Chris. It was nice to be able to hang out just the three of them and not have it be awkward, not like it was when she hung out with Lucas and Brooke. Sure there was history between Chris and Brooke, but both parties had seemingly moved on, unscathed. It was relieving to see.

Relieving mostly because Peyton really liked Chris. She liked him so much so that she didn't know if it was more than just a friendly bond. There were times where she caught herself noticing the little details. The way the corner of his mouth creased oddly when he was confused or the way his eyes lit up when he let out a real laugh or how about the fact that he had more than one laugh. There was one he used when he was in front of strangers and one he used when she told a joke that wasn't quite funny but he didn't want to hurt her feelings, and then there was the laugh of all laughs, the hearty one he let out when he was genuinely amused. She loved that last one.

God, it was times like this she reminded herself of Nathan and his utter cheesiness when it came to Haley. When had she ever taken the time to dissect someone's laugh? She didn't remember doing that with Jake or Lucas or God forbid, Nathan. Unlike the previous ones, the relationship between her and Chris had started off slowly and built from there. With Jake and Lucas and Nathan, everything had been rushed and hurried. It was her usual method of dating. Skip the beginning, get to the important stuff. Courtship after all was really overrated.

Now, she was learning that feeling could really develop out of something. You didn't have to just like a guy the second you met him. Attraction could form over time. And honestly at this moment, she was proud to say that she was indeed attracted to Chris Keller.

This was good. Now all she needed to do was ignore Lucas and everything could work out nicely. She and Chris could continue growing while Lucas and Brooke moved past their Peyton issues. And she could bury her feelings for Lucas for good.

Yeah. That sounded easy enough.

After all, what was one more missed chance?

---------

"I swear, Lucas, it was the most amazing thing ever! I've never seen someone so totally devoted to Peyton. Well, I mean besides you, but let's not go there," Brooke rambled to Lucas as they approached Nathan and Haley's apartment for their weekly movie night.

It had been a week since Lucas last saw Peyton and a week since he and Brooke had really talked about her. He thought it had been going well until now when they both spotted Chris's car out front. Lucas couldn't resist muttering at the sight, however, Brooke was still beaming over the boots Chris had helped her pick out.

"Do you think he's serious about her?" Lucas asked as Brooke tucked her arm in closer to his.

"I think so," Brooke nodded, "He stares at her a lot, and not in the lusty way. It seems like he's taken by her."

"How does Peyton feel?"

"She won't say. I think she likes him, but the poor girl's had her heart broken so many times, I don't blame her for not wanting to trust another guy," Brooke frowned. Lucas's expression mirrored hers, but only for different reasons. One, he was one of the guys who had broken her heart, and two; he really didn't like the idea of her moving on.

With Jake, he had known that it wouldn't last. He wasn't stable enough for her, and his custody dispute with Jenny was just excess drama to their relationship. With Chris, however, there were no strings attached, and Lucas couldn't help but fear the idea of her truly finding someone who could be around for the long haul.

"Isn't this nice?" Brooke sighed happily, resting her head on his shoulder, "You and I talking about Peyton without it starting a fight?"

Lucas just nodded, knowing full and well if Brooke could see inside his head right now, her new stiletto boots would have kicked his ass so hard he wouldn't sit straight for a week.

-----

Movie nights were not good for Lucas Scott's vow to get over Peyton Sawyer. They especially weren't good for his barely hidden feelings of jealousy. Peyton was always a touchy person and with Chris, she was being extremely touchy.

It wasn't really in the romantic way, but it could pass for romance in a jealous person's eyes. For instance, she laid her head on Chris's shoulder throughout the whole first movie. She touched his wrist constantly when trying to get his attention. And she stared. She stared a whole lot when he wasn't looking.

The scary thing was Chris did the same when she wasn't looking.

Finally, it got to be too much and he needed some fresh air. He slipped out the front door almost unnoticed and took a deep breath, sucking in the spring air. He rubbed his eyes, exhaustion from his emotions wearing him down more than he had ever though possible. He hated this, hated it so much.

He was so lost in his thoughts; he didn't hear the front door open and someone tiptoe next to him. He didn't notice until he felt her fingers wrap around his forearm and squeeze. His eyes darted up and he was met with her concerned green ones. This was not good.

"Hey," she whispered, "You okay?"

She hated the fact that no matter where she was she could feel his pain. She hated that she noticed everything when it came to him. She knew when he was hurting, when he walked into a room and when he walked out of one. They were all natural to her. She tried to ignore it, but she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried, she had to check on him.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I don't know anything anymore. It used to be simple." He paused seeing her bite her lip, debating whether to keep talking or just shut up. "But it's not. I'm just so…"

"Confused?" Peyton offered.

"Yeah."

"It'll get better."

"I don't think so…"

"Believe me, Luke. It gets better," she said, giving him a knowing look. Lucas's eyebrows furrowed for a second. He didn't get that.

"How would you know?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't. She refused to do this to Brooke again. She refused to lay her heart on the line, especially when she wasn't sure that Lucas was even talking about her. She had a feeling he was, but even if he did, he wouldn't do anything about it. He was Lucas Scott, a changed man. No longer idealistic and a romantic at heart. He was moral and righteous and that meant he wouldn't hurt Brooke like that again. Not even in the name of love. And she was grateful because that was the boy she fell in love with all over again.

He realized that this conversation was over and decided to head back inside before she confused him anymore. But, just as he leaned forward, just as she moved to go around him and they both froze. His lips were inches from her cheek and her hand was still clutching his forearm. Their eyes were locked.

"Why won't you show me how you feel?" Lucas asked. Peyton blinked in surprise, her breath caught in her throat. This was it, now or never.

"Do you hear that?" Peyton whispered, as Lucas hesitated, thrown off by her question. There was no noise surrounding them, save the echoes of their shallow breaths.

"What?"

"It's the sound of silence." And just like that she walked off leaving Lucas staring at the spot where she had been, wondering how many times you could lose someone before you lost them for good.

-----

She charged inside, trying not to look back even when she heard him follow her in. _Why won't you show me how you feel?_ What kind of crap was he trying to pull! She'd show him. Did he really want to know how she felt? She highly doubted that.

Right now she was frustrated beyond belief. Every time something seemed to be going her way Lucas loved to find a way to pull the rug out beneath her until finally, now, she was tired of it. She just wanted to move on. She liked Chris. She was attracted to him. She wanted to kiss him. Honestly, that was what she wanted right now.

So she did what came natural to her at that very moment. She marched over to him as he helped Brooke clean up the coffee table, grabbed his face and kissed him. She didn't care that all her friends were probably watching them or that she knew she wasn't over Lucas. Right now, kissing Chris Keller seemed like the perfect way to piss off Lucas and see if she had Chris could really be something more.

The emotions she felt (fear, worry, elation) all bubbled up to the surface giving her very little time to enjoy the kiss. Chris, on the other hand, had responded quickly, his lips covering her own, his hand coming up to cup her face. It was only when she felt his thumb stroke her cheek that she broke away. Staring into his blue eyes, it felt like déjà vu. She'd been here before.

And just like the last time she had been dared to show Lucas how she really felt, she ran off. Only this time, Chris Keller was the one chasing her and Lucas Scott was the jealous person staring across the way.

_People talking without speaking,_

_People hearing without listening,_

_People writing songs that voices never share_

_And no one dared_

_Disturb the sound of silence._


	10. Diary of Jane

A/N: Merry Christmas! Consider this a little present from me to you! Even though I'm on hiatus, the thought of not giving you guys an update before the holiday was just not cool so here you go! Enjoy it and enjoy your holiday!

And if you want to give me a Xmas present….there's a tiny lilac button called the review button…that would be the greatest gift of all :)

Also, there was no time to get this beta'ed (and I would have felt bad making her do this so close to the holidays) so any mistakes in here are my own!

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the song Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin

Chapter Ten: Diary of Jane

_Try to find out what makes you tick_

_As I lie down_

_Sore and sick_

_Do you like that?_

_Do you like that?_

If there's a Shakespeare play that has been thrust upon seniors at Tree Hill High more than Romeo and Juliet, it's A Midsummer's Night Dream. Unlike the former, the latter actually lives up to its reputation for most of the students studying it. Sure the dialogue is still too complex for some, and the ideas will always be antiquated, but Puck…Puck makes it come alive. He utters what can only be the most proverbial statement to sum up the human race, one that can, has and will be applied for years to come.

'Lord what fools these mortals be.'

Peyton Sawyer was quite sure that right about now that small fairy was looking down upon her and shaking his head.

Because Peyton was just that, a fool. Only a fool would kiss a man she barely knew just to prove a point to her best friend's boyfriend. Oh, and for the record! She didn't even know if that best friend's boyfriend was on the same page or if this was just all in her head, which was quite possible really, considering she had a lot of things going on her brain that could have gotten jumbled.

She didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore. The only thing that she could count as the honest to God truth was that this area next to the steps of Nathan and Haley's porch was very well hidden. She had been there for twenty minutes staring up at the stars with her head propped up on her elbows.

Lucas was an ass. God, he was dating her best friend, and he had the nerve to act the way he did! She saw him brooding. She felt it in her very core even when she looked away. That connection between them allowed her to know what Lucas was thinking even when he didn't know himself. She hated it and loved it all the same because as much as it could come in handy, it was also a curse. Like it had become tonight.

Chris was a good guy. She never, in a million years thought she'd be saying that, but here she was admitting it. He was sweet and charming and one hell of a good kisser. She enjoyed her company with him, admired his taste in music and he got along with her friends. For most normal teenagers, that would be enough of a reason to kiss him without running off.

Peyton wasn't good at being normal.

"Lord," she whispered to the vast sky above her, not knowing if there was even anything up there to hear her, "What fools we mortals be…"

She heard a low rumble of laughter coming from her left and her head snapped to the spot. There was Chris Keller, in all his glory.

"What are you laughing at?" Peyton asked, trying to cover up the tremor that had settled into her voice after seeing him there.

"Blondie, that wasn't even proper English," Chris said as he sat down next to her, tucking his knees to his chest like she had done.

"It was Shakespearean English." Peyton's eyes returned to the sky. Oh there definitely was a God, and He had a strange sense of humor to boot.

"You butchered Puck's line."

"I didn't butcher it. I just played around with the words because unlike Puck, I'm a mortal."

"Right. Well you still butchered it," Chris said as he nudged her elbow with his own. Peyton looked up at him and gave him a small smile. There was a pregnant pause where both of them watched a centipede try and make its way over a pile of twigs.

"I'm sorry I kissed you," Peyton whispered finally.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bad kisser that you ran away," Chris smirked.

"You're not a bad kisser! It's just-" Peyton let out a noise that crossed between a sigh and a groan. "It wasn't supposed to happen."

"I see…"

"I was pissed at Lucas because he did this thing where he makes me feel guilty for liking someone other than him, and I just got so fed up with him and how he unconsciously holds our relationship over my head…so I just…kissed you!"

"To shut him up?" Chris said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Kind of," Peyton sighed, running a hand through her hair, "but it shouldn't have happened."

"Right," Chris nodded.

"Because our first kiss should have been special," Peyton blurted out. As soon as the words passed over her lips, she clamped her eyes shut, her hands covering them as well before muttering a boatload of obscenities in her head. She hadn't meant to say that. Hell, she didn't even know she thought that before it had been uttered.

"I think I'll have to disagree there," Chris said, the smirk present in his voice even if Peyton couldn't see it. "It was special."

Peyton's eye peeked out between her middle and ring fingers, watching him curiously, "What do you mean?"

"Well, while it's slightly disconcerting that you were thinking of Lucas when you decided to kiss me, I know for a fact that you weren't thinking of him _while_ you were kissing me."

"How do you know?"

"You muttered my name when we broke apart."

"I did?" Peyton said, her hands dropping from her face all together so she could stare at him for confirmation, "I don't remember that."

"Yes," Chris shrugged, "Your eyes were still closed."

"Oh."

"So I was just thinking that it must have been special if it erased every overwhelming thought of Lucas Scott in your head and replaced it with my name."

"Maybe you're just a really good kisser," Peyton said sarcastically.

"I'm more than happy to test the theory," Chris said waggling his eyebrows. Underneath it all though, there was a note of sincerity.

"Are you sure?" Peyton said, picking up on the whole of his tone.

"Of course I am."

"But Lucas-"

"-Is not an issue," Chris sighed, "Listen, Peyton, I know what you have with him is complicated, but I'm not Brooke Davis. I'm not insecure. I'm confident in what we have, and in what we could have. Lucas doesn't deserve you and I think that you're finally realizing that too. I don't want you to cut him out of your life. I'm not expecting anything like that all. I just think you and I…we can be good."

"Great, even," he added seeing Peyton's reluctance.

Peyton stared into his smiling eyes, the blue reflected in them so different then what she had been seeing since she first saw them. Before, they had been Lucas's eyes. Lucas's eyes on a different boy, but still there nonetheless as a constant reminder of what she wanted, of what she couldn't have. Now, they were a different shade, one that even the moonlight couldn't explain.

They were Chris Keller's eyes, just his and his alone, and suddenly things made sense.

"Okay," Peyton said, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Chris smiled at her, the first truly genuine smile she had seen on him, and stood up, offering a hand to her. She took it without hesitation, and he pulled her up and into his arms in one fluid motion. She let out a small chuckle, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. His arms held her close, letting their foreheads touch while he stared at her, unable to voice how truly surprised and elated he was that she was taking a chance on him. He felt as though he didn't deserve it, didn't deserve her.

"You're pretty," he whispered, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. He pulled back and saw her grinning, obviously pleased with his words even if it was the only thing he could think to say.

"Thank you," Peyton smiled, pecking him lightly on the cheek. "You're quite handsome yourself," she whispered in his ear.

"Just for that you get another kiss," Chris said, their lips meeting in a series of small pecks and lingering kisses, under the moonlight.

"Oh Chris," Peyton giggled wrapping her arms around tightly around him and swaying back and forth to an unheard beat, "What am I gonna do with you?"

"We've got all the time in the world to figure that out," Chris muttered as he kissed the spot just below her ear.

And at that moment, it was true. The only thing on Peyton's Sawyer's mind was Chris Keller.

-------

"Oh my God, they're so cute."

"Aww, look at his smile! I've never seen a guy smile like that before."

"I think he just kissed her again…"

"Ooh move over," Brooke said as she broke through the trio of girls crowding the window above where Peyton and Chris were. She spotted them, wrapped in each other's embrace, kissing and twirling around, like a bunch of fools.

Fools falling in love, Brooke said with a frown. She was happy for Peyton, but part of her knew that Chris Keller was just another victim of the Peyton Sawyer, Lucas Scott Destined, Epic, True Love Story, which seemingly went on forever with road bump after road bump.

Brooke felt her throat dry up at the realization that she was probably the biggest road bump of them all. Sighing, she headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. When she entered the room, she was shocked at what she found.

Lucas was there, sitting on the counter, his feet dangling in the sink, his eyes staring out the small window above it. The window, undoubtedly, looked over where Chris and Peyton were and she felt her heart sink at the revelation. It was then that she noticed his eyes looked glassy, but he seemed oblivious to it, and her heart sank even further.

Lucas was tearing up at the sight, and he hadn't even realized it. How like him…

She made a noise to alert him of her presence. He shook himself out of his daze and glanced at her.

"Hey you," he said, his voice so good at hiding any emotion he might have been feeling.

"You ready to go home," Brooke said, forgetting all plans of getting a drink.

"Yeah," Lucas nodded, "You?"

"I think I've seen enough," she said wryly. She offered him her hand and he took it jumping down off the counter.

The drive home was silent. It would have been unnerving to Brooke who was so used to always talking, but today she didn't bother filling the void between them. She knew Lucas needed to reflect, to brood, and she gave him that. How sad was it that she finally knew what he needed when there wasn't any chance of saving their relationship?

Well. There really hadn't ever been a chance, now, had there?

She offered to walk him inside, and he didn't respond much besides a slight tilt of his head which Brooke took to be a nod. Inside his room, Lucas collapsed on his bed, with a groan, and Brooke perched on the side, taking his hand in hers.

"What's wrong?" she asked. It was so pointless to her. She knew the answer. She knew he wouldn't tell her, because he wouldn't admit it himself, but she felt the need to give him a shot.

"I don't know," Lucas said honestly.

"Peyton and Chris are bothering you," Brooke blurted out. She thought she'd regret. She was almost positive that Lucas would launch into some longwinded argument about how it wasn't like that and how he didn't love Peyton like that, but this time he didn't. Whether it was from exhaustion or something else, he just sort of shrugged.

"I don't like them together," he admitted, rolling onto his stomach. His blue eyes stared up at her, "Do you honestly think they're good together?"

"Kind of," Brooke shrugged, "It's not like she's got anything else on the horizon." Typical Brooke move. Belittle Peyton to try and gauge Lucas's reaction. Only this time it was in the hopes that he would react.

"She's worth so much more than that."

"He likes her a lot. He treats her well. What more do you want?"

Lucas stared at her, nonplussed.

"Oh my God," Brooke gasped, her hand squeezing Lucas's at the revelation, "This can't be happening…Don't tell me you…"

She trailed off, afraid to say anymore, not knowing where it could go.

"I, what?" Lucas asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"You finally realized you're in love with Peyton Sawyer," Brooke said bluntly.

Lucas thought about denying it, but he didn't think he had enough energy to hide it anymore. Not when he had so clearly displayed his distaste over everything that had happened that night. So he decided to come clean to the one person who deserved to hear

'I love Peyton Sawyer' from his mouth the most.

"Brooke, I'm in love with Peyton Sawyer."

He waited for the resounding slap, but it never came. Neither did the loud scream or the tears. No, what came was the last thing in the world he expected…

"Thank God," she groaned.

"Why don't you hate me, Brooke?" Lucas asked softly as her hand slid from his. He was utterly confused why the one woman who had spent the past three months yelling at him because she thought he loved Peyton was not taking this moment to bash his head in with some sharp object.

"I've had two years to come to terms with the fact that you're head over heels in love with my best friend. I'm over it."

"But all the fights-"

"I wanted you to walk away," Brooke said, "I didn't think I was strong enough to do it."

"But Brooke, you were right! You knew you were right and you still-"

"You're a good guy, Lucas. I didn't want to lose you, even though I knew I never had you in the first place."

"You're wrong, Brooke. I'm not worth what I put you through. I suck," Lucas muttered into his pillow, not caring if he sounded like a whiny two year old.

"You don't suck," Brooke said letting out a small laugh as her fingers ran through Lucas's hair, in what she hoped was a comforting matter. "You've just been very confused. That's all."

Lucas sighed, "I've spent the last two years of my life trying so hard to just find my place in Peyton's life, and it seems like every time I think I've figured it out, I'm more off base than I could have even imagined."

"That's because you've been trying to denying the fact that you're in love with her."

"Why the hell was I denying it?" Lucas groaned in frustration.

"Because loving Peyton hurts," Brooke sighed, "She hurts you when you love her, and she doesn't even mean to do it, but it just happens."

"I don't think I can handle a relationship with Peyton Sawyer," Lucas admitted, "Damn it, Brooke, I barely survived ours."

"With Peyton, it'd be something worth fighting for," Brooke smiled, "Believe me I know. Our friendship has been through so much shit and yet I still come back to her. And it's always worth it."

"She's with Chris now," Lucas muttered, "Why does it even matter?"

"Because you're Lucas Scott. You are the Romeo to her Juliet. Darcy to her Elizabeth. Marc Anthony to her Cleopatra. You two are destined to be together, and when it finally happens everyone in Tree Hill will finally let out that breath they didn't know they were holding and shout 'it's about damn time' because we all know it. We all want what you two have, a love so strong that nothing can come between it."

"It's always gonna be there," Lucas pouted, "God, this isn't good."

"You're a drama queen," Brooke said rolling her eyes, "It's not like Chris and Peyton are some epic romance. You just need to bide your time and let it all unfold."

"Right," Lucas mumbled.

"And in the meantime, try not to sleep with any bar sluts like oh say…Nikki."

"Low blow."

"It was well deserved," Brooke said, patting him on the head. She glanced at the clock. "Well, I should get going. I need my beauty rest before cheerleading practice."

"Hey Brooke," Lucas said as Brooke opened the door to leave. She glanced back over her shoulder expectantly.

"Yeah?"

"That's the most we've actually talked since we started dating."

"I know," Brooke smiled, "We really did make great friends."

"For the record, I'm sorry for screwing that friendship up."

"I'm not," Brooke said, "It was all worth it in the end." She gave him one last parting wink. "Goodnight Broody."

"Goodnight, Pretty Girl."

Brooke shut the door behind her, pushing back any tears that might have formed. She couldn't cry, not tonight, not ever. _'It wasn't meant to be,_' she thought as she made her way to her car.

Inside his bedroom, Lucas stared up at his ceiling, trying to figure out what the best course of action was. Did he confess everything to Peyton? Did he wait it out until Peyton and Chris stopped going out? Did he start hanging out more with Peyton? Or less?

Finally as the thoughts overwhelmed his already emotionally exhausted brain, he decided to just revel over the fact that he could freely admit without any guilt that he was in love with Peyton Sawyer, and that no matter what he was always going to be in Peyton's life.

Brooke was right. They were destined. He just needed to bide his time.

_Something's getting in the way_

_Something's just about to break_

_I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane_

_As I burn another page_

_As I look the other way_

_I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane_


	11. Living Underneath the Surface

A/N: Oh my God, I finally updated! Now let's clear some thing up. _**I don't know whether this story will end Leyton or Pris yet.**_ I have two endings planned out. I'm going to close my eyes and point….okay so I won't do that…but I will see how the writing flows from here on and see. I'm leaning one way right now and there's no way in hell I'm telling any of you which way that is lol. Oh and for the record, it is so amusing to see hardcore LPers wanting this to end Chris/Peyton. It makes me all giddy.

This chapter is unbeta'ed because my beta lives in England and it's her bedtime. I wasn't gonna make ya'll wait another day. Now go enjoy and please review. I love reading them. They make my day :D

Disclaimer: Things I don't own: One Tree Hill, Storm by Lifehouse…and umm plenty more things I'm sure.

Chapter Eleven: Living Underneath the Surface

_I know you didn't bring me out here to drown _

_So why am I 10 feet under and upside down _

_Barely surviving has become my purpose _

_Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface_

If you had told Lucas two weeks ago that he would be sitting in Brooke Davis's bedroom mapping out a strategy on how to win the heart of Peyton Sawyer, he would have probably thrown something or possibly imploded. Either way, it wouldn't have been pretty.

"Just tell her you love her," Brooke sighed, repeating herself for the fifth time in the past twenty minutes.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because that won't end well. She'll probably slap me."

"No, Peyton doesn't slap people. She never slapped Nathan and he put her through hell."

"Yeah well she slapped Chris."

"Oh yeah," Brooke pondered, her mind drifting off, "Wait, what was the point of this conversation?"

"I'm not telling her I love her."

"Oh yeah...Wait and why aren't you doing that?"

"Never mind," Lucas sighed, "I'm just not."

"But seriously! It's like all you two ever do is beat around the bush. Someone's just got to reach for the horns and do it! And it's not gonna be Peyton because she thinks you're still in love with me and that I still love you and-"

"And we don't even know if she loves me."

"She loves you," Brooke said firmly.

"How can you possibly know that?"

"Best friends just know these things, even when their friends don't. Peyton's always loved you. She's just been too afraid of letting you in and too loyal as of late to go after you again. She's a good friend when she wants to be."

"Who's a good friend when she wants to be?" The voice caught both of them off guard and their eyes snapped to the doorway where Peyton was lingering.

"You," Brooke said automatically.

"Oh…"

"Wait, how much of that did you catch?" Lucas asked, trying hard to mask his nervousness.

"Just the part about me being a good friend when I want to be. Oh God! What did I miss?"

"Nothing," Brooke and Lucas said at the same time.

"Aw, that's cute," Peyton smirked, rolling her eyes, "Sonny and Cher harmonized. You're such an adorable couple." The sarcasm just dripped from her voice.

"Oh I didn't tell you," Brooke said flipping her hair over her shoulder, "Lucas and I broke up."

Peyton's jaw dropped. She glanced at Lucas as if asking him to deny it.

"It's true," he shrugged, "We realized we were better off as friends."

"Yeah, seriously the only thing we ever had going for us was the friendship…and the sex, but if I'm being honest, that was overrated."

"Funny," he said, flicking her behind the ear.

"Ouch! Jerk!"

"No, no, no," Peyton muttered as she began pacing in front of the bed. Lucas and Brooke exchanged looks.

"Peyton, what's-"

"No!" Peyton said stomping her foot. She pointed between the two of them, "You two need to get back together now!"

"No we don't," Brooke said slowly as if she was spelling it out for the curly blonde.

"Yes you do! You don't realize how much effort I put into making this relationship work."

"Peyton," Brooke laughed, "I think you're being unfair there-"

"Do you realize how many nights I had to listen to Lucas rant on and on about how 'you were the one' or how many nights you moaned about how you were so afraid to love him. That just doesn't go away, and there's no way in hell I sat through all those nights just to have you two pining again, okay? Because the God damn pining was worse than the fights. I could handle the fights. And oh God after this the fights are just gonna be wors-"

"Slow down there," Lucas chuckled, standing up and placing both his hands on her shoulders.

"Look Brooke, he's touching me! Get jealous. Punch him. Heck, punch me!" Peyton pleaded.

"I'm not gonna punch you," Brooke laughed, "If Lucas wants to touch you, more power to him."

Peyton stared at her for a long second before glancing back up at Lucas who still had his hands on her shoulders. They both looked so serious. "Is it April Fools Day?"

"No sweetie," Brooke said, shaking her head.

Peyton frowned. "I think I've given myself a headache."

"Crazy girl," Lucas smiled, rubbing her shoulders.

"Okay, enough of that," Peyton said throwing up her arms. She was enjoying the display of affection, but she quickly remembered Chris Keller, "Just because you're single, doesn't mean I am."

Lucas shrugged, hiding his disappointment at the mention of Chris Keller and plopped down on the bed next to Brooke.

"Speaking of Keller," Brooke said as she began thumbing through her copy of Vogue, "When's the first date?"

"Well that's what I was coming to talk to you about," Peyton sighed, "It's tonight."

"Oh! Details!" Brooke squealed.

Peyton shot Lucas a look, but he just shrugged. "We're not doing anything big. Just going to Karen's Café."

"Oh lovely," Lucas muttered, "My shift's tonight."

"Luke," Peyton sighed, "I know you don't like Chris, but you're going to have to deal with him eventually."

"Just as long as it takes him to screw up."

"Thanks for that," Peyton glared, before turning her attention to Brooke, "You busy today?"

"Actually, yes. I have a dentist appointment. Why?"

"Oh come on…the one day I want to go shopping you can't."

"Karma sucks, doesn't it? You should be more appreciative of me."

"Where you going shopping?" Lucas asked.

"Umm nowhere specific. I just need to pick out a new outfit for tonight."

"I'll go with you," Lucas offered.

"You want to go clothes shopping with me?" Peyton said quirking her eyebrow.

"Yeah why not?"

"I'm sorry but isn't this the same boy who threw a fit this summer when I made him stop at the mall for one pair of sunglasses?"

"It was hot."

"The mall had air conditioning."

"We were supposed to go to the beach."

"This is beside the point," Peyton said, "Why do you want to go with me?"

"Why must you insist that I have an ulterior motive? Couldn't it just be that I want to be a nice friend?"

"Lucas…"

"Or maybe I just want to stare at your legs in all those cute skirts you insist on trying on."

"Do you see this, Brooke? He's flirting!"

"Yes, indeed, he is," Brooke said, not looking up from her magazine.

"All right, I give up," Peyton sighed, "Come on, rake boy. Let's get a move on." Peyton didn't say another word, just stormed out of Brooke's room. Lucas winked at Brooke before following the curly blonde's steps. Brooke just rolled her eyes at both of them before speed dialing Haley.

"Hey, Haley, are you busy today? Because I've got about six hours to kill."

* * *

Peyton took a deep breath as she collapsed on the chair in the fitting room. She had lived in Tree Hill her whole life and by now, she had come to accept the fact that absurdity was part of its very being. Crazy things happened, and often, they had no definite reason behind their happening. She had dealt with birth mothers, unexpected car accidents, baby momma drama and anything else you could throw into the mix.

But Lucas Scott openly flirting with her in front of Brooke, not more than twenty four hours after he had broken up with Brooke…that was taking Tree Hill absurdity to a whole new level.

At first she thought maybe he was just trying to make Brooke jealous so that Brooke would take him back. But then, both of them were so nonchalant about it that Peyton was left scratching her head. If Brooke was still into Lucas, there was no way in hell she would let him pull what he pulled in her bedroom. And by now, Lucas had to know that flirting with her was not going to gain him any points whatsoever in Brooke's book…not even jealous points.

Add to that, Lucas was still flirting with her now where there was no Brooke around…and Peyton was officially confused. Then again, maybe he wasn't flirting. Maybe she was reading into things that weren't really there. Maybe she was just oversensitive about everything Lucas did. Maybe Lucas had always flirted and she just didn't notice it until now that he was single.

Or maybe hearing that he had broken up with Brooke had given her hope.

No. That couldn't be the case. She wasn't going to let it.

"Come on, Peyton. I'm waiting…"

Peyton rolled her eyes. Lord help her…

"Okay," she sighed, opening the dressing room door, "What do we think of this one?"

She did a little turn. Black skirt. Black shirt. Nothing spectacular about it, Peyton thought, as she frowned glancing down at the clothes. When she looked back up, Lucas was staring at her, a strange emotion flickering in his eyes. It wasn't quite lust, but it was…something.

"What?"

"Nothing," Lucas shrugged, "It's pretty."

"But not first date worthy?"

"What exactly is first date worthy?"

"It's got to be an outfit that pops," Peyton said, "The type of outfit that sticks in his head so that even if the date sucks, he'll remember it, you know?"

Lucas was silent and Peyton felt her cheeks redden.

"I know it sounds stupid, but-"

"You were wearing a varsity jacket when you almost ran me over with your car, a Ramones t-shirt the first time we had a real conversation and a black dress the first time we kissed. It was a green long sleeved shirt in the motel room and a red t-shirt when I kissed you in the hallway but both those times you had your leather jacket over it. When you walked away from me days before I left for Charleston, you had a plaid mini skirt on and when you were bleeding to death in the library it was black t-shirt over a white long sleeved shirt."

Lucas snuck a peak at Peyton's face and seeing her confusion, he sighed.

"My point is it doesn't matter what it looks like, you're the type of the person who makes anything memorable."

"You've got to stop this Lucas," Peyton muttered, walking back into her dressing room.

"Stop what?" Lucas dared to ask, knowing the only way Peyton would be able to say it was if there was a block of wood separating her from looking him in the eye.

"Flirting," Peyton said, slipping her old clothes on.

"I wasn't flirting there, Peyton," Lucas sighed, "Just being honest."

"Yeah, but it wasn't necessary, was it? You could have just said it doesn't matter what you wear, he'll remember it…or something simple like that."

"When have you and I ever done anything the simple way?" Lucas mused, "Honestly, Peyt…"

Peyton was silent for a minute fixing her clothes, before exiting the dressing room. "I like Chris."

"I gathered as much seeing as you're going out with him," Lucas said quirking his eyebrow.

"I like him a lot, and I can see us having a good relationship."

"Yeah?"

"Don't screw it up for me, Lucas," Peyton whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"I only want you to be happy," Lucas promised, "but you know how I feel about him. I don't trust him. I don't like him."

"I understand."

"If he hurts you, I will break him in tiny pieces…"

"Lucas-"

"Because I saw what happened when I hurt you and when Jake did…and you've been through enough. And before you say anything, I'm just being a good friend. I have not ulterior motives."

"Okay."

"But maybe some day, I'll be able to add another outfit to my mental list…"

"Huh?" Peyton asked, as they exited the store, empty of any purchases.

"First date. We never did have one of those…"

"Lucas…I know you just broke up with Brooke…and you're not good at being alone-"

"Don't be so naïve, Peyton," Lucas said as he opened the door to her car for her, "All I said was that I owe you a first date."

Peyton decided to play along, if only for the fact that she didn't know how serious he was or if maybe even she had woken up in alternative universe, "You owe me a lot of things Scott. You want a list?"

"I'll wait for it."

They shared a smile and Peyton felt an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. It felt like she was entering round three of her boxing match with Lucas, and this time both opponents knew the bell had rung.

* * *

"Brooke?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think it's possible…that Lucas…might have a thing for me?"

"You're not seriously asking me this as I do your make up for your date with Chris Keller."

"Uh…"

"Not to mention I just broke up with the guy twenty four hours ago."

"Oh God…forget I asked…I just thought that because you two were so cool and you didn't care that he was flirting-"

"I'm just kidding around, Peyton," Brooke said rolling her eyes, "Of course Lucas has a thing for you. He's always gonna have a thing for you."

"Seriously, Brooke?" Peyton yelped, her hands playing compulsively with the plaits in her skirt.

"Is it really that much of a surprise?"

"Yes! God! He's spent a whole year repeating 'I don't have a thing for Peyton' to you and I started to believe it too."

"I never believed it. I know Lucas is a liar."

"Brooke!"

"Does that make you nervous?" Brooke asked, as she finished Peyton's lipstick, "The idea that Lucas might like you."

"I don't know," Peyton shrugged, "I'm with Chris now. It doesn't matter."

"Sure it does," Brooke sighed, "You love Lucas. The whole world knows it. Everyone but Lucas. And you know, I might not love Keller, but I think he deserves better than what I got handed to me last year, don't you?"

"It's different this time," Peyton promised, "I really like Chris, and I've accepted the fact that Lucas and I aren't meant to be right now. Maybe in the future, but until then, I want to see where this thing with Chris can go."

"It just doesn't sound fair…" Brooke admitted quietly.

"Brooke, Chris is the only guy who's ever been able to make me forget all about Lucas. I promise you, I know what I'm doing."

Just then, the doorbell rang, shattering the tension between the two girls. Peyton gave Brooke a pleading look before going to meet Chris at the door.

"Sure you do, Peyton," Brooke whispered to the empty room.

* * *

"You look hot," Chris said, as soon as Peyton opened the door. She let out a laugh.

"Smooth, Keller."

"I thought so." He darted forward to kiss her cheek. "I didn't bring you flowers. I thought it would be too cliché."

"That's okay."

"But I did bring you a CD."

"Aw, and it's a combination of Disney songs and Snow Patrol. You actually put thought into this."

"Wow, you really are easily amused."

"Shut up," Peyton blushed, slipping the CD onto the table next to the front door.

"Come on," Chris said offering her his hand, "You can insult me in the car."

Peyton rolled her eyes, but obliged, grabbing his hand. Chris opened the passenger side door for her.

"For the record, you clean up nice too, Keller."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"You're incredibly arrogant," Peyton grinned.

Chris let out a laugh, "I said something I don't know."

* * *

"You're going to burn a hole through them."

Lucas spun on a heel, and found himself eye to eye with his mother.

"Excuse me?"

"You haven't taken your eyes off of Peyton and Chris all night."

"Yeah well, I don't trust him."

"He's been nothing but polite to me."

"He's a charmer that's for sure," Lucas muttered.

"You know, it's okay to be jealous," Karen said, trying to contain her grin.

"I am not jealous."

"Right, because there's nothing to be jealous about. Just because Peyton's moved on just in time for you to realize she's the one you want. And now she's with a guy who's incredibly charming and handsome and good to her. Plus he's a musician and you know how she has a thing for musicians.

"How did you-"

"It might seem like I don't pay attention to your love life, but I know more than you think."

"Mom…"

"Okay so maybe Haley and Brooke filled me in."

"On what?"

"On the fact that my son is in love with Peyton Sawyer…again."

"Wait, how does Haley know this?"

"She doesn't. Nathan told her that Peyton loves you, and Haley and Brooke had a conference over your future at the café this morning."

"Excuse me?"

"Brooke had a couple hours to kill."

"This is so messed up."

* * *

Peyton let out a long laugh as Chris continued his long winded story about the latest band he had encountered.

"I'm serious, Peyton. These dudes had pink hair. And they were claiming to be goth. My drummer Nicholas nearly choked on his drink when they said that."

"I can't believe it."

"Oh believe it. There are some weird people in this world," Chris said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Amen to that."

They exchanged a smile and Chris checked his watch.

"So I've got an early morning tomorrow, but I was hoping we could stop somewhere before I take you home."

"Sure," Peyton nodded.

"Let me just call the waiter over with our check…"

"Chris…"

"What?"

"Be nice to Lucas."

"He's been glaring daggers at me all night."

"He doesn't like you," Peyton shrugged.

"But I'm so charming…"

"Don't lie to her, Keller," Lucas smirked, as he approached handing over the check, "You two have a good evening."

"Oh we will," Chris said, matching his smirk.

"Chris," Peyton scolded, slapping his arm, the blush rising on her cheek.

Lucas's eyes narrowed. "Be safe, Peyton. Who knows what he's carrying…"

"Lucas!"

"He's right though, Peyton," Chris said, "I did sleep with Brooke and she slept with Lucas. And God knows what we both caught from him."

"Oh my God," Peyton muttered, ducking her head in her hands, "Can we stop this please?"

"I'm done now," Chris grinned, "How about you rake boy?"

"I'm good," Lucas huffed, sending a meaningful look at Peyton before walking away.

"Was that really necessary, Chris?" Peyton said once he was gone.

"He started it."

Peyton opened her mouth to retort but stopped. "You're right." She stood up and headed toward the door.

"That's it? 'You're right?' You don't have anything else to say?" he called after her. Peyton just laughed.

Chris smiled placing a handful of cash on the table. So far, so good.

* * *

It was probably cliché. Peyton knew that deep down, but the sight in front of her made all her bitterness about love melt away. The waves were crashing gently against the sand at their feet. All the stars were out tonight, shining brightly, lighting up the sky. Peyton turned to look at Chris. They had been in silence since they got here.

It was something new for them. Silence. They had perfected the art of banter. Conversation was their strong point, and they had spent all of dinner laughing and joking about everything under the sun. But now, here under the beach, they were practicing the art of silence.

It was usually hard for Peyton to sustain silence. The only person who had made it easy had been Lucas. With Chris, it was hard, but not as hard as she expected. Every time she opened her mouth to say something, she felt Chris's thumb stroke her shoulder or his breath against her neck.

This was nice. She turned in his arms, looking up at him. He watched her carefully before leaning down to kiss her softly and out of the blue.

"What was that for?"

"I like kissing you under the stars."

"Oh my God that was cheesy," Peyton murmured as Chris closed the gap between them again. He pulled back after a moment, staring at her.

"Do you see what you do to me? I swore I would never be like this." He laid down on the beach. Peyton curled next to him, kissing the side of his chin.

"Like what?"

"All lovey dovey," Chris muttered, "I was always a realist."

Peyton grinned. "Just because you like kissing me under the stars doesn't mean…"

Chris groaned, "I'm never going to live this down."

"Never," Peyton giggled.

* * *

"So…"

"Soooo."

"This is déjà vu," Peyton said, as she glanced around her stoop.

"Well then it's only appropriate I ask how I did."

"You did fabulous," Peyton said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Another kiss then?"

"You're a slut for kisses," Peyton murmured before leaning forward to indulge him. She had to admit kissing Chris was fun.

"Hey I'm sorry if I was a little distracted tonight," Peyton said when they broke away.

"I didn't notice anything," Chris shrugged, "You want to talk about it."

She paused, lips ready to spill all the new secrets she'd learned about Lucas from Brooke and Lucas himself. But then she looked in his hopeful eyes, and she couldn't bring herself to do it. Tomorrow, maybe, they could have this talk. But this was their first date and she didn't want it to be about Lucas.

"No," Peyton sighed, "I'm good now. I just needed you to bring me out of my funk."

"I'm getting good at that, aren't I?"

Across the street, two figures were crowding the window of Bevin Mirskey's front room while another watched them from the couch.

"Okay, Luke," Brooke sighed, turning to face him as he brooded on the couch, "When I texted you about this, I expected you to share the window with Haley and I."

"You two are fighting over the space as it is."

"There's room."

"Spying is wrong."

"Then why did you come?" Brooke asked, and when Lucas didn't answer she continued, "There! Any more excuses?"

"I don't want to watch them make out on her porch."

"It's better to see it then hear Haley's play by play."

"Hey don't mock my play by play!" Haley yelled, turning her back to the window.

"It's just way too descriptive for broody over there."

"Oh damn it, Brooke," Haley sighed, "We missed Chris leaving."

"Is Peyton still there?" Lucas asked as he timidly approached the window.

"Yep."

Lucas glanced across the street at her figure. Even from this spot, he could see the smile plastered on her face. He couldn't help the bitter smile that came across his own face. On one hand, he hated that Chris was the one who was making her smile. On the other hand, Peyton's smile would always make him smile, no matter how it got there.

_And I will walk on water _

_And you will catch me if I fall _

_And I will get lost into your eyes _

_And everything will be alright_

_

* * *

_

**Okay...I realize that alot of this chapter was very disjointed...and it probably wasn't my best work...but I tried...I really did. Hopefully, it worked well enough.**


	12. Nothing Left to Lose

Chapter Twelve:

A/N: I know I'm shocked I updated this too. This is unbeta'ed and not very carefully edited because it's two in the morning and I just really wanted to post the damn thing because y'all had waited way too long for it. Enjoy! Try not to be too harsh seeing as it's been forever since I updated and it took me forever to get back into the feel of this story. Remember reviews are the only thing that keeps me going at this point. So be generous with them.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or Nothing Left to Lose by Mat Kearney

Chapter Twelve: Nothing Left to Lose

_Something's in the air tonight_

_The sky's alive with a burning light_

_You can mark my words something's about to break_

_And I found myself in a bitter fight_

_While I've held your hand through the darkest night_

_Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon_

"You know what I just realized?"

Peyton popped her head out from behind her magazine and quirked an eyebrow at Brooke. "What?"

"I've been sober for an entire month!" Brooke let out a tiny squeal of victory.

Peyton couldn't help but laugh. She was proud of her friend, but her random realizations always had comic side effects.

"You've also been single for an entire month. Should we be celebrating that?"

"Shut up!" Brooke said as she playfully kicked Peyton's shin, "You're harshing my buzz."

"Whatever," Peyton chucked as she turned back to her magazine. It was a Friday afternoon, and they were both passing the time before movie night by doing nothing important.

"Hey, come to think of it, do you think my drinking had any correlation with the fact that I was dating Lucas?"

"Well that's a loaded question," Peyton said dryly.

"Hmm," Brooke pondered as she trailed off into silence. Peyton assumed that was a sign that the conversation was over, but before she could turn back to her magazine she was proved wrong, "Hey Peyton?"

Peyton let out an exasperated sigh, "Yes?"

"What's it like having a normal relationship?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, it's just…I've only had one night stands and a boy who pined for you. And before now, you only dated a teenage dad and a sex addict…well and you were a dirty mistress for a bit—"

"Is there a point to this?"

"Yes. I kind of thought that you and I were doomed to have abnormal relationships, but then Chris came along. So yeah, I was just wondering what it's like to have a healthy relationship."

"Oh." Peyton dropped her magazine.

Peyton and Chris had been dating for a month now. The time had flown by, and Peyton sometimes found herself waking up and wondering if she had imagined the whole thing. Chris was almost too good to be true. He was still as sweet and charming as ever, but he also still had that patented Keller sarcasm that kept him from getting too cheesy or sentimental. Their relationship had consisted mostly of Peyton listening in on recording sessions after she got out of school, mixed in with the occasional coffee date. Most of all, it felt natural. Peyton was no longer holding her breath in anticipation for something terrible to go wrong and sully the whole experience.

"It's natural," Peyton shrugged, "There's no drama. No tears. It's not too much, not too little. It's just really…nice."

"Nice?" Brooke said, scrunching her nose, "It sounds boring when you say it like that."

"It's not boring," Peyton laughed, "It's just different."

"Be honest, P. Sawyer. You miss the drama."

"Not really," Peyton muttered. She glanced at the clock, "Crap. I promised Lucas I'd meet him at Blockbuster."

"Was that a Freudian slip? Cause I swore you just said Lucas instead of Keller."

"It wasn't a Freudian slip," Peyton huffed as she gathered up her belongings, "Chris has a meeting tonight with his manager, so Lucas offered to help me pick out the movies and escort me to movie night."

"So much for avoiding drama," Brooke said with a wry grin.

Peyton rolled her eyes, "Lucas and I are just friends, Brooke."

"Oh yes, of course, and I'm the queen of France."

"Tres chic," Peyton called over her shoulder as she exited Brooke's bedroom.

"That's sad that's all the French you know," Brooke laughed after her.

--

"Pirates of the Caribbean?"

"No."

"Blade?"

"God, no."

"Any Given Sunday?"

"Nice try, Luke."

"You're not helping me here, Peyton," Lucas muttered.

"Sorry, I'm distracted," Peyton sighed.

It was the truth. Ever since, Brooke and Lucas had broken up, it seemed Peyton had been spending most of her free time split between the two of them, not to mention with Chris as well. There was nothing wrong with it, per say, but then Peyton was the queen of making big deals out of little things.

For instance, it seemed her brain wouldn't allow her to forget the fact that Lucas was single. It also wouldn't allow her to forget that fact that he was also attractive. And it seemed that any time Peyton caught herself staring too long into Lucas's eyes when he was asking her a question or too hard at the strip of flesh on his abdomen that peaked out when he stretched, her brain just had to remind her that it was okay, because Lucas was single.

Peyton, however, was not. She had a wonderful, gorgeous boyfriend whom she should be objectifying. Lucas was her friend and she needed to keep her damn hormones in check.

Today, however, she had become increasingly aware of the tone of his forearm, how the tan skin seemed stretched tightly over firm muscle. It was quite beautiful, and quite disturbing that she was so intent on studying it.

Sometimes she thought that maybe Brooke was right. Maybe it was impossible for her and Lucas to ever be friends. Maybe she would just have to deal with the sexual tension that always seemed to be radiating underneath the surface between them.

"What's distracting you, Peyt?" Lucas asked.

"I miss Chris," Peyton blurted out. It was the truth, even if it didn't seem like it. It also sounded a hell of a lot better than, 'I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous your forearms are.'

Lucas frowned, "You just saw him yesterday."

"Yeah but, movie night is our thing, you know? It's weird doing this with you."

"We've done this before," Lucas shrugged.

"Yes but that was B.C."

Lucas raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Before Chris," Peyton rolled her eyes, "That's Brooke's term, not mine."

"I think my IQ just dropped twenty points."

"Shut up," Peyton giggled.

Lucas turned back to the movies in front of him, as did Peyton.

Finally able to focus, Peyton spotted an interesting candidate. "How about Love Actually?"

Lucas smiled knowingly, "You know I love that movie."

"Awesome," Peyton exclaimed throwing her hands up, "We have a winner!"

"Easily amused much?" Lucas laughed.

"Always."

--

"That was depressing."

Peyton turned to look at her best friend, "You're kidding right?"

"No! My favorite couple didn't make it," Brooke said as the credits rolled.

"What? Karen and Harry?" Lucas laughed.

"Is that the old dude who cheated on his wife?"

"Yes," Peyton supplied.

"Oh," Brooke said, "No, that's sad too, but I'm talking about Keira Knightley's character."

"Juliet?"

"How many times have you seen this movie, Luke?" Nathan laughed.

"Enough," Lucas said defensively, "It's one of my favorites."

"Why is the Juliet thing sad?" Peyton laughed, "Mark's come to terms with the relationship."

"Yeah, but he loves her, and Juliet knows Mark loves her. So why the hell would she stay with Peter?"

"Did you ever think that maybe she loves Peter more than she loves Mark? I mean she married him for Pete's sake."

"No pun intended right?" Lucas said, raising an eyebrow.

Peyton just laughed, but Brooke was still sulking.

"Lucas, you agree with me. It's depressing."

"Well, yeah," Lucas shrugged, "But it's all Mark's fault. He should have said something sooner. Instead, he put his best friend's happiness before his own, and he's okay with that."

"I've always blamed Juliet for leading Mark on," Peyton chimed in.

"There's no proof of that," Lucas scoffed, "It's hard to tell if Mark's even in love with Juliet. It comes across as just pure infatuation."

"Oh well that's shallow," Peyton said rolling her eyes, "There's no way that Mark would almost sacrifice his friendship over a fling."

"You know what? I don't care either way. I still think that Juliet and Mark deserved to live happily ever after, and that Peter's a tool."

"Brooke, you do realize that you are Peter, right?" Rachel interjected, "And the reason that Peyton and Lucas are bickering is because they're projecting."

"That's absurd," Peyton muttered.

"Oh yeah, so falling for your best friend's lover is a new experience for you? You're not defending Mark solely based on your own experiences?"

"Well it helps," Peyton shrugged, "But I refuse to believe that I'm biased because of it."

"I'll be the first to admit that I'm biased," Lucas said.

"I'm not," Brooke smiled, "See, I was a victim of the love triangle, but I still think Peter's a tool. But then, I've accepted that these love triangles are a lot more complex than they portray them on TV. Now, Peyton, Lucas, apologize to each other!"

"Why? Neither of us took it personally," Lucas said.

"No, not at all," Peyton muttered as she gathered her things. "But if it pleases Brooke…"

"Peyton," Lucas sighed.

Peyton made her way to the front door before turning to face Lucas.

"Lucas, I'm sorry that I let my infatuation with you get in the way of your relationship with Brooke. I'm sorry I lured you away from her, and I'm really sorry that after a millisecond of hesitation, my point blank honesty about my feelings for you impaired your judgment so much so that you couldn't decide how you felt about either of us to save your life."

"Peyton-"

"Go to hell," Peyton said, as she slammed the door shut behind her.

"Wow," Rachel said as the awkward silence encompassed them all, "You two never worked out those issues, huh?"

"I never thought we had to," Lucas said quickly.

"You just thought that you had to fix your relationship with Brooke, right?" Haley said quietly from the corner where she was nestled next to Nathan.

"Oh come on, Broody," Brooke sighed, "Even I know that I wasn't the only one who got hurt back in junior year."

"She's got a boyfriend," Lucas objected weakly.

"Go fix it," Haley said, "Before it's too late."

"Who's to say it's not too late already?" Lucas sighed as he grabbed his coat.

--

"Baby, I'm an idiot."

"Hmm, you must have the wrong number because my girlfriend would never refer to herself as one of those."

"Chris!" Peyton sighed, as she collapsed on the couch in her living room, "I'm being serious."

"Okay, okay," Chris chuckled, "What happened?"

"I freaked out on Lucas."

"I'm sure he deserved it," Chris said, brushing off the incident.

"No," Peyton whined, "He probably didn't."

"What did he say to trigger this?"

"It's a long story, but basically we were watching Love Actually and we got into this debate over who was at fault in the whole Juliet-Mark-Peter story, and I sided with Mark and he sided with Juliet and then, Rachel had to go and point out that we were projecting."

"Uh huh."

"So I totally assumed that he thought I was some shallow girl who only went after him junior year because I was infatuated with him and that I held no real respect for him or Brooke. And so I told him so."

"I totally see how you made that connection," Chris deadpanned.

"Chris…"

"I'm sorry, blondie," Chris sighed.

"I know I probably overreacted," Peyton mumbled, "but it still hurts thinking about it. I always wonder what went wrong, what I could have done differently, and he just goes and rips any peace I had in shreds."

"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Chris said softly, "You got to see it from his side."

"I know."

Chris sighed again, "I'm sorry to cut this short, but my manager is finally ready to see me."

"It's okay," Peyton said, "I'm all calmed down now."

"I'm glad I could help," Chris chuckled.

"You always do," Peyton smiled, "I'll see you later."

"Goodnight, Goldilocks."

Peyton flipped shut her cell phone and took a deep breath. The anger over her situation with Lucas was beginning to ebb away and was replaced by guilt. She realized now that it didn't matter. Her relationship with Lucas was in the past, and she was learning to move forward. With Chris, she had learned to ignore the torch she carried for Lucas. The repressed feelings must have become overwhelming because there was no other way she could explain her sudden outburst.

As she dwelled on the current situation, the doorbell rang. Puzzled, Peyton hesitated answering it this late at night. Most of her friends knew by now that the front door was always unlocked. Still, curiosity got the best of her, and she padded over to the door, and slowly cracked it open.

Lucas stood in front of her with a large white sign, the words 'Forgive me, I'm an idiot,' written in black marker across the front.

"If this were a movie, then you would definitely be the tool," Peyton said, rolling her eyes.

"I figured my mouth had gotten me in enough trouble tonight," Lucas smiled.

"Amen to that," Peyton sighed, she opened the door wider and stepped back, "Come on in."

Peyton led him into the living room. Neither of them were used to hanging out in there. Most of their conversations had taken place in her bedroom. As a result, Lucas lingered awkwardly in front of the couch where Peyton had perched.

"I'm-"

"No, let me explain before you say anything," Peyton said.

"You don't have to," Lucas said quietly.

"I think I do."

Lucas nodded, and Peyton took it as a sign to begin. She took a deep breath.

"It was easy to blame myself for what happened in junior year. In fact, for the longest time, all I did was obsess over the fact that I let it go that far. I thought I was a terrible person, and I still do. I still hate myself for it. But I always thought deep down that it had been worth it on some level. Brooke and I had a weak friendship at best at that point. It was shallow and fading, and we needed that wake up call."

"I thought you worth it. I thought that what we had was more than a fling. It was worth risking everything for because you were the only person who ever bothered to really take the time and see past all the walls I put up, and you're still the only person who really truly gives a damn. But I still think all the time about the fact that you really were full of words. Because you said you wanted everything with me, and then not even two days later you were ready for some careless fling with Brooke-"

"I meant what I said," Lucas said cutting Peyton off, "I wanted everything with you. Not with Brooke or any other girl. It would've been too painful to pretend that it was just sex with you, not when I knew different."

"Well then why couldn't you just wait?"

"I didn't know you wanted me to."

"Neither did I," Peyton sighed, "I just thought…you would be better than that."

"I'm sorry," Lucas whispered, "It all happened so fast. You had hurt me, and I just didn't want to get hurt again so I settled for Brooke. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I loved you," Peyton said, her eyes adverted to the floor, "I loved you a whole lot, and it wasn't because it was forbidden or unattainable. It was because…well it was just because, okay?"

"Yeah," Lucas nodded, "I felt the same way. And for the record, you were worth it."

Peyton took a deep breath, "Friends?"

"Always," Lucas smiled.

"Want to rock out to Zepplin for awhile? It could be our own little way of signing a peace treaty."

Lucas laughed, "I'd like that."

--

"You know if I was a weaker man, I'd probably be wondering what he's doing at the foot of your bed," a voice came from the door to the bedroom.

Peyton's eyes snapped up to meet her intruder and saw it was Chris.

"-but because I'm an awesome boyfriend, I'm just going to laugh about how it looks like he's your guard dog from this angle."

"It was nothing," Peyton muttered, rubbing her eyes as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, "We were listening to music and then we crashed half way through Dark Side of the Moon."

"Blasphemy!" Chris gasped.

"I know, baby," Peyton chuckled, "The last thing I told Luke before I passed out was, Chris would kill me if he knew I didn't at least get through 'Any Color You Like'"

"Well, luckily for you, you can make it up to me," Chris said opening his arms so that Peyton could slide into his embrace.

"Oh yeah," Peyton said as she tipped her head up to kiss him, "How's that?"

"Take a walk with me."

"But it's early," Peyton whined, "Too early for sunlight and Carolina heat."

"There's coffee downstairs waiting for you on the counter."

"Oh my God, I love you," Peyton said as she practically skipped out of his arms to go collect her coffee.

Chris watched her go, counting the seconds in his head before she returned, and he knew it wouldn't be long before she realized what she had said. He only got to six.

"You know when I said 'I love you' I meant that platonically right? Because I really wouldn't throw around the words like that before we had officially-"

"Peyton?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too. Now, go get your damn coffee."

--

They'd been walking for fifteen before Peyton started to get agitated. Chris had been more than content to stroll in silence, hands intertwined as they both sipped their coffee. They were headed in the direction of the beach, but Peyton wasn't sure that was their exact destination. Mostly she wasn't sure because Chris still wasn't saying anything.

"Okay so not that I don't love the coffee, but I assumed that this walk would involve talking," Peyton blurted out.

Chris just looked at her funny, "Why would you assume that?"

"Well, I know you better than you think, and I know for a fact that you use walks as a way to start a serious conversation with me. Walks and coffee, in fact, and I believe we're indulging in both right now."

"You're right," Chris smirked.

"So start talking then."

Chris paused abruptly, the stop causing Peyton to stumble forward and almost spill her coffee.

"Let me preface this by saying don't freak out."

"That's never a good way to start a conversation, Keller," Peyton smirked. She remained calm though. She was prone to freak out over the stupidest things, and by now, Chris knew that.

"My manager wants me to go back to New York in two weeks."

Peyton blinked. She obviously was missing something. She already knew that Chris would have to go back to New York sometime this summer to finish recording his album. If anything this was good news. It meant that he would still be around for her graduation, "Oookay? And I should be freaking out because…"

"It's going to be permanent."

"Oh." Peyton felt a clenching in her chest. She couldn't handle the thought of losing Chris so soon. She had promised herself that this would be the normal, casual high school relationship. They would break up after she graduated, but she would still see him over the summer and once she enrolled in college at UNC. They could maintain that friendship that had gotten her through one of the darker points in her life. But now, he would be gone, just like that.

"Peyton?" Chris said softly, nudging her from her trance.

"Yes," Peyton managed to whisper.

"I'd like for you to come with me to New York."

Peyton was pretty sure if the world didn't stop turning at that first revelation, it definitely did for that second one.

_Come on and we'll sing, like we were free  
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us  
Come on and we'll try, one last time  
I'm off the floor one more time to find you  
And here we go there's nothing left to choose  
And here we go __**there's nothing left to lose**_

**A/N:** I know what you're all thinking. Oh my gosh, this is all so sudden, and why the hell did Lucas get off the hook so easy again…(or maybe I'm just thinking that one) But all will be explained in the next chapter (as you see from my little teaser thingy which I'm provided to sustain you in case I have a lapse in updating).

_**Next Chapter:**_

_Peyton soaks in Chris's news. Meanwhile, unaware of her dilemma and fearing he will end up just like Mark in Love Actually, Lucas decides it's time to take a drastic step in his relationship with Peyton. (Poor guy…he really has crappy timing.)_


	13. Running Away

A/N: So I'm going to be honest with y'all because you've all been such loyal readers and you deserve the truth. After seeing the way some fans are in this fandom, I told myself I would never write for OTH again. It kind of killed my muse. But I guess I lied to myself because this morning I woke up, opened up Word and this chapter popped out. So yeah. I don't know what that means. I think I'm too attached to this story to just give it up. I must finished it. Oh and speaking of its end, I finally decided how this story is gonna end. But I'm not telling anyone, because Lord knows I like to change my mind. As for this chapter, it's kind of short compared to the other ones, and very much unbeta'ed, but it's another one of those turning points.

And if anyone's interested, I still do write fanfiction even if it's not for OTH. I'm now dabbling in the Lost fandom (Sawyer/Kate and some gen stuff). The link to those fics can be found in my profile. But in the meantime, enjoy this! And thank you all for being so patient with me.

Chapter Thirteen: Running Away

_Don't want you to give it all up_

_And leave your own life collecting dust. _

_And I don't want you to feel sorry for me._

_You never gave us a chance to be._

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH. If I did, the show would be sooo much better. Oh! And I don't own Running Away by Hoobastank.

There were two options on the table at this very moment.

Option one: Run.

And really, running sounded like a great idea.

Option two: Slap him.

That one was more a knee jerk reaction; something Brooke had taught her when they were younger. When in doubt, slap.

However, of the two options she had, she chose a third. She just kind of…stood there. With her mouth gaping open like a fish out of water, and her eyes bulging at the offer, she was frozen in the moment; too freaked out to chose either option.

Chris would have laughed if it wasn't so very tragic. This was something he expected (actually if he was being honest, he expected her to run or slap him, but this wasn't far off from his other options).

"Peyton," he said quietly, "You haven't said anything."

Peyton looked up at him, her mouth closing slightly, but the shock still present in her eyes. She still couldn't get her voice to work, and her feet seemed to be opposed to running now because they were pretty much cemented to the ground.

"Okay since your opposed to talking, let me explain," Chris began, "When I say I want you to come with me, I'm only thinking about you spending the summer in New York. It would be the same thing as what we'd be doing here."

"Only in New York," Peyton managed to whisper.

"Yes! Exactly," Chris said, rubbing her shoulders, "I just think you and I are kind of living in this bubble where both our pasts are kind of dragging us down. We haven't had the chance at a real relationship yet-"

"We have a real relationship!"

"No, we have something that started on the heels of your hidden feelings for Lucas."

"But it grew into a real relationship."

"Peyton can you honestly tell me that you still don't have feelings for Lucas?"

"No," Peyton said bluntly, "But you know that already, and you promised not to hold it against me."

"Right well, I'm not holding it against you. I just was hoping you could take a step forward, away from Lucas. I mean, imagine a whole summer without him around. It would be just you and me."

"Chris-"

"I know that it sounds pathetic, but I'm not good at sharing Peyton."

"You don't have to share me with anyone. Lucas is just my friend. It's all he sees me as, and it's all I really want from him."

"I don't think he sees you as just a friend anymore," Chris sighed.

"What?" Peyton said, narrowing her eyes, "That's insane."

"It's not insane. It's the truth, Peyt. I've seen the way he looks at you, especially now that he's no longer with Brooke. He's intrigued."

"Intrigued?" Peyton said, raising an eyebrow, "I think you're seeing this, Keller. In fact, I think you're becoming paranoid."

"So what if I am?" Chris challenged, "Do you blame me? You guys are close, and you keep getting closer. You're finally hashing out you're past too which is a good thing, but what happens when there's no more scars left to heal? What happens when there's nothing left between the two of you except me?"

"Then I'll choose you," Peyton blurted out, "You don't need me to go to New York to know that. You don't have to keep me away from Lucas. I like you a lot, and I won't forget that."

"You liked Brooke a lot too. She was your best friend. And you still chose Lucas over her, didn't you?"

"So that's what it's about? You don't trust me!"

"No!" Chris said, frustration wearing his composure thing, "That's not what I mean!"

"Then what do you mean?"

"I want you to come with me to New York so that we can define ourselves as a couple."

"What?"

"I want us to be something more than that rebound couple, Peyton. I want us to last."

"Chris, if we go to New York this summer, it won't change the fact that I'll be at UNC in the fall."

"And maybe during the summer, we'll grow close enough that it won't matter come fall. We'll be able to handle anything."

"Lucas included, right?"

Chris sighed. "Yeah."

"I don't think we had anything to worry about before this conversation. Now, I'm not so sure," Peyton said quietly.

"Ignorance is bliss, Peyton, but it's a fine line before it turns into disaster."

"I'll need some time to think about it," Peyton whispered, "Can you give me that?"

"We've got two weeks."

"Okay."

"You know I trust you right?"

"No," Peyton said honestly, "No, I don't."

"I trust you, and if you decide you don't want to come to New York, I won't take it personally. I'd still want us to be together."

"Okay," Peyton nodded. She crossed her arms over her stomach, curling herself into a ball, "I'm gonna walk back home." She turned around to head back, but Chris caught her arm before she got far.

"Hey, come here," he said before he planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"What was that for?" Peyton said, unable to keep the smile off her face.

"You never should never end a conversation mad at the other person. My mama taught me that."

"I wasn't mad," Peyton said, reaching up to kiss his cheek, "I was just contemplative."

"When you're introspective, it means you're brooding which is almost as bad as you being mad."

"I guess," Peyton chuckled.

"It's gonna be okay," Chris promised.

"Yeah, yeah," Peyton sighed, backing out of his embrace, "I should get home."

"Can't keep Prince Charming waiting," Chris smirked.

"Oh shut up," Peyton laughed, as she backed away, "He doesn't like me."

Chris watched her go, his smile fading into a frown as soon as she was out of sight.

"Of course, he does, Peyton," he whispered to no one, "Who wouldn't?"

--

Lucas felt the sunlight heating the left side of his face. He murmured something unintelligible even to his own ears against the soft comforter he had fallen asleep on. Without opening his eyes, he knew he was in Peyton's room, on Peyton's bed. He exhaled deeply, the sent of lilac shampoo and old records filling his nostrils. He swore he could live forever in this atmosphere, breathing in this aroma. The idea brought a smile to his face.

The smile was soon vanquished as he heard the front door slam open. He sat up in bed and noticed Peyton was gone. Putting two and two together, he assumed that Peyton was home.

"Peyton?" he called loud enough so that whoever was downstairs would hear him.

He heard a sigh from just outside her room, and then she appeared, "Yeah it's me."

"What's wrong?" Lucas frowned.

"Why do you think something's wrong," Peyton asked, dropping her messenger bag on the nearest chair.

"Your sigh was a little melodramatic for it not to be," Lucas smirked.

Peyton sat down on the edge of the bed, and relaxed her shoulders, "We're friends right?"

"Of course," Lucas said, "We agreed on that last night."

Peyton smiled slightly, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Chris came to visit it me this morning."

"Oh," Lucas said quietly, trying to keep the disappointment off his face. He didn't want to be like Brooke, the best friend who Peyton came to with all her boy problems, but then he remembered the summer before senior year and how she listened to him ramble on and on about Brooke. She deserved this much from him.

"He asked me to go to New York with him for the summer," Peyton said, her fingers tracing small circles on the edge of her bed.

Lucas felt his heart drop at the suggestion, but he braved a strong face for her, "What did you say?"

"I said I'd think about it," Peyton shrugged. She brought her eyes up to meet his, "I mean it might be nice to have a vacation from this place, like a transition for college."

"True."

"Plus, it's not like I won't see all of you in the fall. Brooke, Haley and Nathan are all at Duke, and you're going to UNC."

"Right."

"What's the point of spending another summer here?"

Lucas was silent, but Peyton didn't notice.

"I mean I like Chris a lot, and maybe he's right. Maybe we do need a little time together away from all the drama Tree Hill brings, you know? Before something comes out of the blue, and-"

Peyton never finished that sentence. It wasn't for lack of trying because she did have a very good point in mind. It just got lost somewhere between her lips and the lips that had swept down upon her own, siphoning the words right from her mouth.

It took about five seconds for her to realize that someone was kissing her, and another three seconds for her to recognize that the lips pressed against hers were actually Lucas's. There was another second of panicking where she tried to draw back, but then there was a part of her (an evil part, if you asked her later) that took over, and reacted to the kiss.

Seven seconds later, and she woke up from her trauma induced coma, and shoved him off.

"You son of a bitch!" she screamed.

"Peyton, I-"

"Oh hell no, not a word from you. How dare you do that? How dare you kiss me after I just said I didn't want anymore drama? You know I'm happy with Chris! You know I like him a lot and you know I don't want this!"

"I love you," Lucas said simply, "And I had to give you a reason to stay. I couldn't let you just walk away."

"No, see that's the problem Lucas! You can't stand the idea of me walking away! You can't let me go. You don't want me for yourself, but you can't stand the idea of me being someone else's."

"You kissed back, Peyton."

"I'll always kiss back, Lucas," Peyton said softly, "But it doesn't mean I want to."

"I love you, and I want to be with you," Lucas said seriously, "I have loved you since the very beginning, and it took me awhile to realize that those feelings were still there, but I know it now."

"No," Peyton said, her face falling, "No, no, no, no! Chris was right!"

"Was right about what?"

"I have to go," Peyton said, grabbing her messenger bag, "Just let yourself out, okay?"

"Peyton, we have to talk about this!"

"I'm tired of talking," Peyton muttered, "It's too early in the morning to be dealing with all of this."

"I'm sorry, Peyton," Lucas whispered as Peyton backed out the door.

"No you're not," Peyton said, looking him right in the eye, "You're never sorry." And with that, she exited her room, leaving Lucas alone.

"Peyton!" Lucas shouted after her. She heard him call, but ignored it.

This time she remembered to run.

_So why are you running away? _

_What is it I have to say to make you admit you're afraid? _

_Why are you running away?_

_**Next Chapter:**_

_Peyton talks to an unlikely person in the hopes of reaching a decision about New York and what to do with Lucas. Meanwhile, Lucas reflects on his rash decision to kiss Peyton and has a moment of clarity, which will shake Peyton's plans to their very core. _

Wow….even I'm excited about this one. :P


	14. You Could Set a Watch to My Misery

**A/N:** I just had to say I'm sorry. I know y'all have been waiting a long time for this chapter, and that sucks. I just haven't been really into OTH for awhile. In fact, I don't even watch the show anymore. I just check youtube for the LP clips. Still, inspiration occasionally hits, and I refuse to give up on this story. It will be finished. Especially when there are only two or three chapters left.

So yeah. Enjoy this. And remember to review. They make a difference.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own OTH. If I did, I'd probably still be watching it. And I don't own "Apologies" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, although it is the perfect song for this story.

**Chapter Fourteen:** You Could Set a Watch to My Misery

_Yesterday he looked at me_

_With a tear in his eye and said,_

"_I'll always tell you you're my friend_

_I hope I don't have to lie"_

"Why are you here?"

The voice should have startled her, but for some reason it slid off her back like she hadn't been laying there in silence for at least an hour.

"You don't want to know," Peyton answered honestly.

"Should I just shoot hoops around you, then?"

Peyton cracked her eyes open. Nathan was leaning over her, the sun casting a soft glow around him, as if he was some sort of ethereal being. Internally, she scoffed at the idea.

"Why are you shooting hoops here, anyways? They've basically named the school gym after you. Doesn't that mean free access?"

"Haley would know where to find me," Nathan muttered. Peyton watched as he made a jump shot from ten feet out. The ball rolled towards her bouncing against her knee.

"Why are you hiding from, Haley?"

He took a moment before answering, debating whether a jump shot from here would cause the ball to roll back at her.

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything to anyone."

"Okay."

"Especially not Lucas."

Peyton groaned. "Believe me. I won't go there."

"What happened between you and Lucas?" Nathan asked, sitting down beside her.

"One personal problem at the time," Peyton turned and smiled at him, "You go first."

Nathan pulled his legs up, resting his arms over them. He stared out over the river. For a while, Peyton was sure that he wasn't going to say anything. She was perfectly content giving him space though. Nathan was the type of person who needed time before he opened up. She had learned that the summer Haley left.

After a few minutes, he finally turned to look back at her. "Haley's pregnant."

Peyton's eyes bulged. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Nathan said, "She just blurted it out this morning over breakfast."

"Wow," Peyton sighed, "What did you say to her?"

"I didn't say anything. I dropped my spoon in my cereal and left."

"You were just in shock."

"No," Nathan said shaking his head, "It's been five hours, and I still don't want to go back."

"You're still in shock," Peyton rationalized.

"Does this make me a terrible person?" Nathan asked, "I just left her there. She had this amazing news for me, the type of news every person wants to hear and I just froze. I ran away like a coward."

"Don't think like that!" Peyton reprimanded, "You're not a coward. It was just too soon."

"I guess," Nathan shrugged, but Peyton wasn't done.

"You were expecting to hear the news some day, but not today! Not when your life is finally peaceful and you're finally happy! It's not fair that she had to spring it on you now!"

"Well she really didn't have much of a choice," Nathan argued quietly.

Peyton glanced at him, "Huh?"

Something dawned on Nathan. "We're not talking about Haley and I anymore, are we?"

"We're not?"

"I really don't think we are," Nathan said, shaking his head, "What did Lucas do to you?"

Peyton groaned, lying back down on the pavement. "It's not just Lucas. It's Chris too." The sun peaked out from behind the clouds, and she slung her arm over her eyes before continuing, "It's just…I was finally happy. I mean, I was in a normal drama free relationship with Chris. It was nothing serious, but it had the promise of potential, you know? And on the other hand, I was close with Lucas again. We were connecting and not just skirt around our issues to make things easier. Everything was good. And then, Chris had to go and ask me to come to New York with him for the whole summer, and Lucas had to kiss me and now everything's a mess, and I just hate them both for screwing around with it."

"I see," Nathan said simply, and this was what Peyton loved so much about him. She could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge. He wouldn't even give her advice unless she asked for it.

"Nathan, would it be terrible if I just ran away to California for the summer and avoided both of them?"

"That depends," Nathan chuckled, "Am I allowed to come with you?"

"You're not going to come with me," Peyton said, "You and I both know you're going to go back to Haley and tell her you're excited about this baby-"

"-even though I'm really freaking out about how I'm possibly going to afford it, and how I don't want to be a shitty father like mine was, and how I hate kids."

"Exactly."

"I thought women didn't like when you lied to them."

"You're not lying. You're really excited. You just don't want to let yourself get your hopes up because you know that every time something really good happens to you and Haley something comes along and screws that up."

"You think so?"

"Nathan, I know so."

Nathan was silent for a moment, and Peyton took the time to wonder how Haley must be feeling right now. It was easy for Peyton to read Nathan. She had known him her entire life. Haley, on the other hand, was someone Peyton was still trying to figure out. She wondered if Haley was excited, if she had ever wanted to be a mom. She wondered if her friend might even be considering other alternatives like adoption. That thought brought a pang to her heart, as she thought of Ellie. She couldn't see Haley as Ellie. She couldn't see her as the type of woman who would let her child go, even if Haley was the most rational person she knew. Not that she thought adoption was the rational choice for them or that Haley and Nathan couldn't handle a child. They could probably handle anything.

They were nothing like her. Despite her tough shell, Peyton seemed to crumble inside any time a change was thrown her way. At this point, there was really nothing left of her, and that was so pathetic in her eyes. She was only eighteen and she had already given up on so much. Sometimes, she wondered how she even got herself out of bed each morning.

The answer was simple. Nathan and Haley were fighters. Peyton was just a survivor. She didn't fight to stay afloat. It just happened.

She wondered if her survival skills would be able to get her through this latest plot twist in her life story. She wondered what "surviving" meant when choosing between Lucas and Chris. Was it even worth it? Was survival like she had joked: moving to California and starting over again?

"Do you want to know what I think?" Nathan said.

"Yeah," Peyton responded. She'd give anything to get out of the gloomy loop playing in her head.

"I think that you need to just pick Lucas."

Peyton's jaw dropped at that one, and she wasn't able to pick it back off the floor no matter how hard she tried.

"Yeah I know, it's probably the last thing you expected me to say, but it's the truth. I like Chris a lot. Hell, he's probably one of the few true friends I have, but he's not Lucas. I've been in Chris's shoes before. So have Jake and Brooke and even freaking Pete from Fallout Boy. It doesn't end well for any of us-"

"Nathan-"

"When you broke up with me, Peyton, it hurt, and not because of you, although I did miss you and what we had. It hurt more because it felt like there was something bigger going on right before my eyes, something I was helpless to stop, and that is a feeling no person wants to feel. I just think that you and Lucas should stop playing games with each other, and if he's finally ready to do so, why shouldn't you?"

"Because I like Chris."

"You liked Jake too."

"And for awhile, I would have taken him over Lucas."

"Until you said 'I love you, Lucas' the night after you proposed to him," Nathan muttered.

"Nathan!" Peyton gasped, mortified. She couldn't believe he still remembered that, "That is not funny."

"You're right. It's not. It's quite sad for poor Jake who probably could have loved you forever."

"You're making me feel awful."

"Just pick Lucas. Please. For all our sakes."

"It's not that simple," Peyton sighed.

"That's only because you and him have to make it complex."

"You're right," Peyton admitted, "Maybe I should talk it over with him. Just to know where his feelings are at."

"You two are good at the whole conversation thing."

Peyton stood up, wiping the dust from her jeans. She glanced up at Nathan and gave him a pointed look. "So are you and Haley."

"I got the hint."

--

"…and then she ran out on me and I walked all the way over here. So in conclusion, I'm an idiot."

"We both could have told you that years ago," Brooke said, as she reached over Haley's arm to grab her strawberry smoothie.

"Thanks Brooke," Lucas said, "Your concurrence was just what I needed to hear."

"God, I hate it when you break out the big words and go all pouty and emo on me."

"All right, you two," Haley said putting a hand on each of their forearms, "Let's retract our claws."

"Fine," Brooke said, throwing up her hand, "But may I just say that I stick by my statement that his stupidity was established years ago."

"Duly noted," Haley nodded, "And I'd like to add that what occurred between you and Peyton this morning may go down in your history as the most foolish move you've ever made."

"Softer words than I would have chosen," Brooke added.

Lucas groaned, laying his head on the kitchen counter. "Is Nathan here? Maybe he'd like to come out and call me an idiot too?"

"Nathan's out," Haley said simply. With Lucas's head pressed against her counter and Brooke too busy trying to scoop out the strawberry bits from the bottom of her glass, Haley's worried look went unnoticed.

"Oh well," Brooke said, "I'm sure he can find time to mock Lucas later."

Lucas sighed, propping his head up on his elbows, "What am I going to do girls?"

"Apologize," Haley said immediately. "You have to tell her you're sorry for not supporting her and that you should have realized that this was a big step forward in her life, and she didn't need you freaking out and replaying your past mistakes for her."

"Okay…"

"You two will get through this together, damn it, but only if you stop being an ass, and apologize."

Brooke and Lucas exchanged looks.

"Lucas, do you feel like we're no longer talking about you and Peyton?"

"I hope we aren't, because if we are, I'm lost."

"It's nothing," Haley sighed, pulling at the strings on the waistband of her pajamas, "Nathan just freaked out on me this morning."

"Over what? Did you cook his eggs wrong?" Brooke said, rolling her eyes.

"Something like that," Haley shrugged, "It's not important right now."

"This is true. Right now, we need to feed Lucas some answers before Peyton does something stupid like run away to California."

"You don't really think she'd do that, do you?" Lucas said slowly.

"Peyton has always run from her problems. So yeah I wouldn't be shocked if she ran to California."

"I shouldn't have kissed her."

"Well yeah," Haley said.

"I should have been supportive," Lucas said, and then he sighed, "Damn it, why didn't I just tell her I was happy for her?"

"Because you're selfish," Brooke shrugged, "You can't stand the idea that she might move on."

"And you find it impossible to believe what you and Peyton have is something that will outlast all these petty relationships."

"So he's impatient too then?" Brooke asked.

"Yes. Selfish and impatient."

"And we can't forget stupid."

"Right," Haley amended, "You are selfish, impatient and stupid."

Lucas, who had zoned out during their tiny tirade against his character, stood up, grabbing his jacket and muttered, "I'm blind."

Brooke and Haley watched him go, the door clicking shut behind him.

"Twenty bucks says he screws this up even more than he already did."

"Oh God, I hope not," Haley sighed, putting her head in her hands.

Stress over Lucas was the last thing she wanted added to her list of things she needed to worry about.

--

Lucas waited until night before he returned to Peyton's house. And by night, he meant midnight. There was another five minutes spent on her porch debating whether to ring the doorbell or not. Finally, he heard Brooke's voice in the back of his head, telling him to stop being a coward and just push the damn bell.

It only took Peyton a few minutes to answer the door. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and sent her a sheepish smile.

For Peyton's part, she didn't look surprised at all to see him there. "I was just about to call you."

"I'm sorry I kissed you."

Peyton frowned, "So much for small talk." She opened the door wider so he could slip past her. She motioned for him to follow her upstairs, but he shook his head.

"This will only take a second."

"Oh," Peyton said, sitting down on her stairs. He sat beside her, their knees touching.

"I had an epiphany-"

"No offense Lucas, but most people are only allowed one of those per day."

"I know, and I'm sorry I'm breaking the universe's rules, but this is important."

"Okay," Peyton sighed. She was too tired to fight him right now.

"I shouldn't have kissed you like that."

"That's your epiphany? I'm sorry but that's hardly monumental."

"No, it's not," Lucas laughed, "My epiphany came after I figured that out."

"Oh."

"Basically, I realized that I shouldn't have kissed you, and that the reason I did was because I can't stand the thought of losing you for good. I love you so much, Peyton, and it kills me to know that I screwed it up, but now I realize that I was blind."

Lucas took a deep breath before continuing. "If you love someone enough, you let them go."

"Lucas," Peyton whispered quietly. She placed her hand on his forearm and squeezed lightly. The touch made him frown. He had never let her go before. It had always been her who walked away, who did the right thing, and watched as he stumbled back to her again and again. He now realized how tough it was to be the first to walk away.

"I have to do this for you. I have to let you go to New York because it's what you need. If you love someone, you give them what they need. Not what you want."

There was a myriad of emotions running through Peyton at that moment. All of which had left her paralyzed. There was sadness. There was anger. There was joy and anxiety. But most of all, there was relief.

"Okay," she managed to whisper, her smile betraying the inner turmoil she was feeling.

Lucas smiled though it felt like his heart was breaking into two. He couldn't help it. Her smile always triggered the mirror image for him. He leaned over and brushed his lips against her cheek before letting them linger by her ear.

"I'll always love you," he whispered.

She couldn't respond verbally, instead she just squeezed his forearm again, hoping he'd get the message. She felt him smile against her cheek before he pulled away and stood up.

She watched him go, as regret inched its way into her heart. She wanted this, and yet, she didn't really. She wanted him to stand up for what they had. She wanted him to let her make the decision for once, and yet again, he was forcing her hand into something she didn't really want to do. Or at least, into something she wasn't sure about.

Then, she thought of Chris, his bright blue eyes and sweet smile. The power of that image was dulled when she realized this was the first she had thought of him and him alone since he had left her this morning. And really, this is what always happened when Lucas stepped in. He swept into her life, made a mess of things, and made sure she forgot the people who mattered most in the process.

And it was that thought that made the weight lift from her shoulders. Yeah, it sucked losing Lucas, but it also was a burden that would be gone for a few months. Chris was right. In Tree Hill, it was impossible to escape him. It was impossible for them to even try and grow. Sure, Lucas would be lingering at the back of her mind, but she might get past it. And if not, Lucas had promised to wait, and this time, she had a feeling he really meant it.

Besides maybe Nathan was wrong about it all. Maybe Chris wasn't just another road bump in the path that lead to Lucas. Maybe he was the detour route she so desperately needed.

If she was being completely honest with herself, she was tired of this road she was on. She was tired of caring about a man who couldn't make up his mind whether he cared for her as much as she did for him.

She was tired of loving Lucas.

She reached into her pocket for her cell phone. Her fingers sped over the numbers, and she smiled when she heard Chris's voice answer on the other end.

"Hey babe," he said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Yes."

"Uh…What?"

"The answer to the question you asked me earlier. It's yes. I want to go to New York with you," Peyton blurted out the words as fast as she could, her smile only growing as she heard him gasp.

"Seriously?"

"Yes," Peyton nodded, even though he couldn't see her "There was never a doubt."

And maybe that was a big fat lie, but at that moment, hearing that raspy voice filled with hope and joy and promise on the other line, Peyton felt like maybe it was the most honest lie she ever told.

_You know it hurts me_

_That I didn't figure it out before_

_And now it's too late for a soliloquy_

_It's way too late for dignity_

_It's time for apologies_


	15. I'll Become What You Became to Me

**Author's Note: **For all of those readers who've stuck with this story so far, thank you! You're the reason why I keep chugging along even if it takes me months between updates. This is for all of you!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own One Tree Hill nor do I own "Black Balloon" by Goo Goo Dolls

**Chapter Fifteen:** I'll Become What You Became to Me

_Baby's black balloon makes her fly  
I almost fell into that hole in your life  
And you're not thinking about tomorrow_

_**Eight Months Later **_

The room was dark, just as Peyton liked it in the morning. Well mostly, dark. She made it her priority to seal her bedroom off from the light. This morning, however, a patch of light flittered through the space where the drapes should have overlapped, and shined brightly down on her peaceful face. Peyton could feel it before she was even properly awake, the light wearing down her resolve to not move from this blissful state somewhere between asleep and awake.

In the end, she had to move. She turned away from the unwelcome light, burying herself closer to the warm body she shared this bed with. Her companion's lanky and yet solid arms scooped her up and pulled her closer, resting his chin against the crown of her head. Whether he was awake yet or not, Peyton didn't know. All she really knew was that she had never felt so comfortable in her entire life.

But like any comfort, it didn't last forever.

The shrill ringing of the alarm clock pulled the happy couple from their embrace. Peyton disentangled herself from her companion, swearing as she reached blindly for the off button on the clock. Her groans triggered a husky laugh from the man next to her.

"Skip it," he said, attempting to pull her back into their bed.

"I can't," Peyton sighed, "I can't miss Art History. It's the last chance I have to finish my finals' project."

"All the more reason to skip," he replied, tracing the line of her spine with his index finger, "I can teach you all about the human form."

Peyton didn't bother validating his statement, searching the floor for a clean bra and shirt. She needed to put some layers between them, before she wound up lured back into bed. Finally finding both needed items and securing them on her body, she was able to turn back and face him. "You need to get up."

"I'm enjoying the show," he grinned, his hands pressed behind his head as he peered up at her, "Although I'd prefer it if the clothes were coming off."

Peyton couldn't help but laugh as tugged on the closest pair of jeans. "You have a recording session at nine."

"They'll wait for me," he said confidently, "I'm Chris Keller. I built that place."

"Always the modest one, baby," Peyton smirked. She toed through a pile of clothes by her feet in search of her Art History book. Chris watched her in amusement.

"Maybe I'll take the morning off and clean this place up," he mused.

"Don't bother," Peyton argued, "We'll just wind up messing it up again by the weekend."

"Speaking of the weekend…"

"Yeah?" Peyton said, wrapping a long scarf around her neck and zipping up her boots. She glanced around the room for the gloves she swore she just kicked out of her way.

"I was thinking you and I could do some decorating this weekend."

Peyton's eyes darted up like a deer caught in headlights. "Like a tree?"

"Yeah," Chris shrugged, "Maybe some lights too, and if you're really up for it, I was thinking I'd get us a Santa that shakes its hips to "Jingle Bell Rock."

"Huh," Peyton said, gathering all her things together, "I guess that'd be cool."

"You're worse than the Grinch," Chris muttered, though there was a grin always present in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Peyton sighed, "I've never liked this holiday."

"Try it in New York. It's a whole different experience," Chris promised.

Peyton smiled, but she wasn't sure. Her reasons for disliking Christmas had nothing to do with location. It was simply the time of year where the memories of her mother seemed most vivid. She doubted even the brightest lights of Rockefeller Center could change that.

"For you, I will," Peyton promised. She had tried a lot of new things for Chris's sake. None of them she had lived to regret yet.

*Flashback*

"_You look like you're ready to burst."_

"_Excuse me?" Peyton said, as she tugged the collar of her graduation gown, hoping it would give her some more room to breath._

"_You're antsy."_

"_It's nothing." Peyton glanced around the gymnasium, watching the senior class file in with their parents, obscuring the sight of her own dad._

"_Which most definitely means it's something," Nathan said, "Why don't you level with me?"_

_Peyton glanced back at Nathan. His eyes danced with amusement and he had yet to even hear why she was anxious. She could only imagine his reaction. "Fine. I left Chris with my father."_

_For a minute, Nathan said nothing, and then he couldn't help himself. He erupted in laughter – causing the people sitting in front of them to turn around and look at him as if he was crazy._

"_Nathan!"_

"_Sorry," Nathan said, trying to control his laughter, "It's just…you're dad hates teenage boys."_

"_Chris isn't a teenage boy," Peyton argued, but she knew that she was avoiding the point._

"_Whatever," Nathan said, echoes of laughter still present in his voice._

_Peyton suddenly noticed something was off. "Hey, where's your brother?"_

_Nathan cocked his eyebrow. "What do you mean?"_

_Peyton gestured to the empty seat between them._

"_Oh," Nathan frowned, "He didn't tell you?"_

"_Didn't tell me what?" Peyton asked, conveniently forgetting to mention that she hadn't talked to Lucas since that fateful day he let her go._

"_He and his mom flew to Italy. They're spending the summer there."_

_Peyton's face fell. "No he definitely didn't mention that."_

"_Don't worry. He'll be back in the fall. And then you both can do the whole pining-from afar-star-crossed lovers-I-love-you-but-I-can't-be-with-you thing all over again."_

"_Shut up, Nathan," Peyton said, whacking him with her graduation pamphlet. She turned back towards the crowd and was able to catch a glimpse of her father and Chris._

_Chris looked as though he was in the middle of some elaborate tale (or at least that's what the hand gestures suggested). Her father, much to her surprise, was listening in great detail, and without his usual I'm-going-to-kill-you face that he usually saved for her boyfriends. He even managed a hearty laugh when Chris got to the pinnacle of his joke – bringing a smile to Peyton's face._

_It was at that moment Chris caught Peyton's eye. He mirrored her smile and then winked. Larry must have noticed because he turned around as well and gave a thumbs up to his little girl._

_Peyton felt a tear come to her eye, and for once, it wasn't born of sadness._

*End Flashback*

It had been eight months since graduation. Eight months ago she could not have expected her life to be where it was now. It simply was beyond recognition, but then, of all the things Chris brought to the table, subtle change was the most prominent. It had started like she expected. She had spent two months in New York, sightseeing and playing house in Chris's tiny two bedroom apartment. Then, the days drew closer to her departure, and NYU sent her a letter asking if she was sure she didn't want to put down a deposit on tuition. Suddenly, she was enrolled at school in New York and having her father lug up all her stuff so she wouldn't have to face saying a more permanent goodbye.

Peyton didn't regret a single moment of it. Well, maybe that was a lie. She regretted that she never got to give a proper goodbye to Lucas and Karen, but then, she hadn't been thinking of Lucas as much as she used to – every other day maybe, which was a far cry from what it had been. Still, she missed him at the strangest times – like now when she happened to spot a NOFX sticker on some unknowing senior's backpack.

"Earth to Peyton."

Peyton looked up from her coffee. "Sorry what?"

Carly, Peyton's closest friend at NYU just shook her head. "You live in another world sometimes, girl."

"My head was back home."

At that, Carly smiled and continued right along on her rant about Art History.

Carly and Peyton had met before she started at NYU. Carly worked at Chris's studio answering the phones, and there had been many a late night where Chris argued with his managers and Peyton was stuck in the waiting area with only Carly to keep her company. Luckily the two had hit it off, and it was Carly who helped Chris prod Peyton into staying in New York.

"So do you think you'll go home for Christmas?" Carly said, suddenly breaking off from her rant. Lucky for her, Peyton was used to it by now.

"Uh, no," Peyton said shaking her head.

"Why not? Aren't most of your friends gonna be back?"

"Haley and Nathan are busy preparing for the baby, and Brooke's spending winter break with her boyfriend in Paris." Peyton didn't mention that Brooke had conveniently let it slip that Lucas would be home, but then Carly didn't know much about Lucas, other than his name in passing. They weren't close enough yet for Peyton to give the whole epic, doomed love explanation.

"What about your dad?"

"Out to sea."

"Oh," Carly frowned, "Well you and Chris are welcome to spend Christmas with Ryan and me. I'm meeting his parents so I'd love the back up."

"We'll see," Peyton laughed.

Carly glanced at her watch. "Shit!" She started gathering her things, "I got to get to my next class. We'll chat later, okay?"

"Yeah sure," Peyton nodded. She watched Carly go, grateful for her company and yet hating how it made her miss her true best friend.

_*_Flashback_*_

"_I'm going to miss you," Brooke said, that sad little smile she had practiced so well, etched onto every corner of her face._

"_It's only the summer," Peyton had sighed._

_Brooke nodded, but Peyton had to pretend she didn't notice her best friend pulling her lip between her teeth. "You'll call?"_

"_Every day, B. Davis."_

"_And no matter what happens, we're cool, right?"_

"_Best friends forever, Brooke," Peyton said seriously. "I mean that."_

"_I know," Brooke sighed, "Just making sure neither of us forgets that."_

"_We've been through too much to turn back on that now," Peyton grinned, as she finished packing the rest of her stuff in the van._

"_Don't do anything I wouldn't do."_

"_Is there anything you wouldn't do?"_

_Brooke gave her a poignant look which Peyton didn't pick up on at the time but now haunted her._

_The only thing Brooke wouldn't do was leave forever. And that's the one thing Peyton did._

*End Flashback*

"Honey I'm home!" Peyton called as she swung the apartment door open.

She heard rustling coming from the back bedroom. "Oh shit! Candy, Melanie, quick! Hide under the bed!"

"Very funny, Keller."

Chris was all smiles as he exited the bedroom. "Well I've got to keep you on your toes."

Peyton huffed. "Please. That's all you've ever done."

"And you adore me for it," Chris smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist. She threw hers around his neck and they just stood in the foyer of their apartment embracing each other.

"I talked to Carly today," Peyton said, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

"You talk to Carly everyday, babe," Chris said as he leaned in to kiss her.

"Smart ass," Peyton murmured against his lips.

"I try."

"What I meant was that I talked to her today about Christmas."

"Okay…"

"She invited us to spend the holiday with her and her boyfriend."

"Oh," Chris said.

"We don't have to," Peyton said, picking up on his disappointment.

"It's not that I don't want to. I like Carly well enough. I just had other plans in mind for us."

"Plans you wanna share?" Peyton asked.

Chris kissed the side of her neck, "Only when I'm sure you're not gonna freak out on me."

"Baby, you never know when that's gonna happen," Peyton said honestly.

"True," Chris sighed, pulling back from their embrace a little so her could look her in the eyes, "My parents are gonna be in New York for Christmas. I was thinking you could meet them."

Peyton froze, and Chris laughed leaning back into the embrace. She didn't say anything for a long time.

"Any time now Peyton," Chris said, "Or I could just assume this is a no."

"It's not a-"

Before she could finish that statement the shrill ring of the phone cut her off.

"Saved by the bell," Chris muttered against her neck.

"Don't read into it," Peyton said, poking him in the chest, "I'll get the phone."

"I'll start dinner."

"By start dinner do you mean look for the take out menus?" Peyton threw over her shoulder as she reached for the phone.

"Exactly."

Peyton laughed turning her attention to the phone. "Sawyer-slash-Keller residence. How can I help you tonight?"

There was silence, save for the lulling sound of heavy breathing.

"Hello?"

"Peyton?"

There were some voices that stuck with you. Voices that you could track through a busy crowd. Voices that led you through your darkest hours and reminded you of your brightest days. Voices that made your heart clench. Voices that you didn't know how much you missed until you heard them again.

"Lucas?"

"I've missed your voice," Lucas whispered, his voice shaking. Somehow, Peyton knew that his frailty had nothing to do with her.

Peyton heard a slap and a voice yelling in the background. "Broody, now is not the time to get sentimental, God damn it!"

"Right," Lucas said, and then turning his attention back to Peyton he added, "Listen I don't have time for explanations, but you need to get down here."

"Lucas, what's going on?"

"Haley was taken to the emergency room. They're doing an emergency c-section."

"Lucas…"

"It doesn't look good."

Peyton turned around, phone still pressed to her ear. Chris was staring at her with apprehension, having heard her side of the conversation so far and knowing something was wrong.

"Haley," she whispered to Chris whose face sunk at the word.

Chris nodded slowly, "Do what you need to do."

"We'll be on the next plane," Peyton said and then she quickly hung up, not waiting for Lucas's confirmation.

"Peyton, I'd understand if you didn't want me-"

Peyton shook her head. "I need you to do this with me."

"Okay," Chris said, "I'll book us a flight. You start packing."

Peyton did what she was told, packing at furious speed and all the while telling herself not to cry. Not yet at least.

She tried not to think about the fact that it was Lucas's soothing voice she heard in her ear while she willing away the tears.

_Coming down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  
Always someone there_


	16. The Dog Days Are Over

**Author's Note**: Hey...So it's been awhile and I don't know if anyone still cares about this thing, but this is the one OTH story that I can't seem to let go of. I've had half of this chapter finished for at least a year and all of the sudden, about a week ago, I got inspired to actually finish it. So...here it is. I figure this thing has got 2-3 chapters left. If anyone's still around to read it.. Also, as you'll see in this chapter, I decided that I wanted to give Nathan and Haley a daughter because Jamie annoyed me to tears when I still watched OTH.

So yeah...anyways...enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own One Tree Hill, nor do I own "The Dog Days are Over" by Florence and the Machine.

**Chapter Sixteen:** The Dog Days are Over

_Happiness hit her like a train on a track  
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back_

_She hid around corners and she hid under beds  
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled_

Sometimes Peyton felt as though her life was playing out in slow motion, in black and white with tragic violin music running softly behind all the dialogue. It was cinema, somebody's form of entertainment, and they got off on the sad and angsty life she lived. Because of this, the producers (or Powers-that-Be) would never let her be happy for too long.

As she flew over the Appalachian Mountains, she wondered if that's what everyone felt, or if she was the only one who felt as though happiness was meant to be short lived. She bet most people would agree with her, and it made her feel less alone in the world at a time like this.

The truth is she wasn't alone. Right next to her was Chris, as he had been for almost a year now. He was asleep, face pressed against the flimsy airline pillow in a way that was sure to give him crease marks on his cheek. His usual spiky hair had been flattened as well, and from Peyton's angle, he looked adorable, which was a word she rarely got to associate with her rock star boyfriend. In fact, if he even heard her thinking such things he would probably pout.

Which would just make him even more adorable at this point.

Peyton was reveling in the comfort of her current position. Her head was tucked in the crook of Chris's neck. His arm wrapped around hers, fingers circling her wrist and his thumb pressed lightly against her pulse. It was hard for most people to establish meaningful contact on a plane (contact, of course, that didn't include the mile high club), but somehow, Chris made it work. He made everything easy, and Peyton was grateful for the comfort his small touches brought her on this journey home.

The ease she felt was not enough to overshadow the sinking feeling of gloom and loneliness which she associated with Tree Hill. It was a place where bad things happened to good people. She had hoped she had escaped it, but she should have known better than to believe that.

As terrible as Tree Hill was, it managed to keep a strange hold on people. For the most part, the friendships you made in Tree Hill were the type that kept you coming back, no matter what they had suffered through.

* * *

From this angle, he could see Haley's face each time the door to her room swung open.

The policy was stupid. Family only. Haley's only family had been Lucas and Karen. To her biological parents, her face was lost in the sea of children, and her brothers and sisters were so wrapped up in their complex lives that they barely thought of her.

"When does P. Sawyer get in?" Brooke asked.

"I don't know," Lucas said clearing his throat, "Probably an hour."

"Karen said she'd pick them up at the airport."

"I can do it."

"Lucas," Brooke said quietly. It served as both a warning and a soothing gesture.

"I need to get out of this hospital, Brooke," he said, turning away from the ICU doors, behind which Haley laid out of reach.

"I know," Brooke said, reaching out to pat him on the shoulder, "But picking up Peyton and her live-in boyfriend at the airport is just gonna make you feel worse."

"I can't avoid her forever."

"No, she's much better at that. You just got to give her a chance to try."

"Maybe I don't want her to try," Lucas said, "That's not even the point. This is about Haley."

"Right. I couldn't agree more. So stop making it about you and let your mother pick Peyton and Chris up at the airport."

"Fine." Lucas stared down at his hands. They were still trembling. "I still don't understand why she brought Chris with anyways."

"Umm hello? What don't you get about live-in boyfriend?"

Lucas sighed. As much as he hated the topic, it was a welcome change from Haley's health. "I don't understand how anyone could live with Chris Keller."

"Well neither do I, but Peyton's happy." Brooke frowned at the disbelief that passed over Lucas's features when he finally gathered the nerve to look at her. "Don't look at me like that, Broody. Happy is a relative term, and when it comes to Peyton, it rarely resembles other people's happiness."

Lucas let her words settle in his mind. "I'll take your word for it."

Brooke smiled before glancing down at her watch. "Ooh! Shift change! I'm gonna go flirt with one of the male orderlies to see if I can get some more info on Haley."

"Work that magic, Brooke Davis," Lucas grinned. The smile faded from his face once she was around the corner, and all he was left with were his own thoughts.

* * *

Karen Roe was an intimidating woman.

Peyton wasn't the type to be intimidated, but when it came to Karen, that always took a backseat. It probably had to do with the fact that she was Lucas's mother, and as a result, she knew things about Peyton that Peyton preferred not to have known. Most importantly, she was fiercely protective of her son. And Peyton was sure that meant she disliked her for breaking his heart and choosing to go to New York with Chris.

Despite all that, she didn't say anything negative about Chris or Peyton or their escape to New York during the entire car ride to the hospital. In fact, she didn't mention Lucas once. She and Chris talked about music while Peyton watched her in the rearview mirror. She seemed to genuinely enjoy the conversation, but at the same time, Peyton could see the conflict in her eyes, the feeling that enjoying it was some sort of betrayal.

"You're awfully quiet Peyton."

Karen's voice seemed to snap Peyton out of a trance. She noticed that Karen was suddenly looking back at her in the mirror, and she looked down. "I'm just worried."

"Everything's going to be fine," Chris said, turning around in the front seat so that he could face her. He rested his hand over hers. "I promise."

"You shouldn't make promises that you can't control the outcomes of."

Chris turned back around, stared out the passenger window. "I shouldn't do a lot of things that I do for you."

Peyton glanced back at the rearview mirror. Karen looked conflicted, like she didn't know whether to smile or frown.

Peyton knew that feeling all too well.

* * *

By the time Peyton got to the hospital, Lucas had disappeared leaving Brooke alone in the hallway outside Haley's room. The minute Brooke noticed her coming off the elevator she rushed toward her, and Peyton couldn't tell if she was going to get yelled at or embraced. Brooke walked with the same determined demeanor no matter what the goal.

Chris lingered at the elevator, nudging Peyton forward. Clearly, he assumed they should expect a negative reaction. Peyton braced herself, but she was still taken aback when Brooke wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in so tight that Peyton could barely breath.

"I missed you so much P. Sawyer," Brooke sighed into her hair and then when she pulled back her smile lessened, "Don't think this doesn't mean I'm not going to chew you out soon enough about the whole disappearing to New York without so much as a warning that it was meant to be permanent."

"I'm glad you guys called me," Peyton said, and before she could launch into a lengthy apology about her lack of contact with them, Brooke cut her off.

"Yeah well before you say anything, I should probably make it clear that it wasn't our original intention."

Peyton felt the blood drain out of her. "Ouch."

"No!" Brooke said quickly to cover it up, "It wasn't that we didn't want you here. It's just we thought that you weren't good with death and everything and you hate goodbyes, so Haley didn't want to put you through that. She made that very clear when she elected for surgery so I know Lucas made it sound like she just went in for surgery, but she's actually been out for a few days…and well, we were told by Haley not to inform you of any of this unless the absolute worst happened."

"Okay," Peyton said, slowly drawing out the word, sure that the answer to the next question was going to break her heart. "Then why am I here, now, Brooke?"

"Nathan."

"Nathan?" Peyton glanced around the hallway waiting room. Only now did it register that he wasn't around. She almost let out a sigh of relief and then realized they weren't out of the woods yet.

Brooke sighed. "He's kind of gone off the rails. We haven't seen him in two days. At first we thought he was just spending all his time down in the nursery, but he hasn't been there once. Deb says he's locked himself in his old bedroom."

Peyton frowned, wondering what this could possibly have to do with her. "I'm still lost."

"We brought you here for Nathan. Because you're the only one he listens to who's not named Haley."

Peyton wanted to laugh. The words seemed so absurd given their history, but then she thought about it. Nathan really did listen to her, the same way she listened to him. Still, she wasn't the best person to be giving the don't-expect-the-worst talk since that's all she ever did. "I don't know Brooke."

"She needs him, Peyton. She needs him more than he knows, and his daughter needs him too."

Peyton sighed, thinking of the little girl in the nursery and knowing once she was in a similar place, nine years older but just as alone. She thought of her father and what a tragedy it could have been if he shut himself away from the world like Nathan was doing.

She knew what she needed to do.

* * *

Peyton found him under a pile of dirty clothes. The sight would have almost been laughable if it weren't so damn depressing.

"Hey,"

Nathan didn't seem shocked to see her. Then again, she expected him to be numb to most things around him. He nodded his head in recognition. "Hey."

They stared at each other for awhile, Peyton refusing to make the first move and Nathan not ready for human contact. Finally, Nathan patted a spot next to him on the bed and Peyton took it as a small victory. She doubted anyone had gotten this far.

She sat beside him, back rested against the headboard. For awhile there was just silence. And then she felt Nathan stir beside her, knew he was going to speak before he even opened his mouth.

"I wish I could go back."

Peyton looked at him, but he was someplace else. "Go back to what?"

"To when it was just you and me, and our problems were pressure from parents and out of control hormones. It wasn't so-"

"Real?" Peyton supplied.

Nathan shifted in his place, enough of an acknowledgment for Peyton. "I haven't loved anyone else. I don't know how. If she dies…" Nathan trailed off.

"She's not going to die," Peyton said, because it was mandatory and not because she was the least bit sure.

Nathan realized this too and continued. "If she dies, I'll never feel as happy as I am with her. I'll have another sixty plus years on this planet without feeling that feeling. I can't imagine that"

"Finding your soul mate at sixteen sucks, Nathan. I could have told you that a long time ago," Peyton said and then realized that line of conversation would hurt her as much as it would hurt him. "Let's forget about Haley for a second. Let's talk about that beautiful little girl in the nursery."

Nathan looked genuinely afraid and heartbroken then. "I can't."

"Nathan," Peyton sighed. "You may be convinced that the worst is going to happen with Haley, and that once she's gone you'll never know love again, but you're wrong. And it's not just that I'm sure Haley will recover. I know that there is a love that's more powerful than the romantic kind and that's the love a parent feels for their child."

"I'm no good for her like this."

"Nathan, she needs you. Haley at least has Lucas and Brooke and Karen to rally for her. You're all that little girl has. You're her family."

Nathan sat up, finally turned to look at her. "Have you had the chance to meet her?"

Peyton smiled. "No. How about you introduce me?"

* * *

Lucas had retreated to the ambulance bay about ten minutes before Peyton showed up. It was almost as if he had sensed her arrival. He still wasn't sure how he felt about her being back in town, still wasn't sure how to handle the fact that she had brought Chris with her.

The wonderful thing about the ambulance bay was that it was much quieter than most of the hospital. Despite the circumstances that surrounded him and his friends, Tree Hill was actually a quiet place. Not many accidents happened there. Not many ambulances roamed the streets. Lucas could stand there for hours with his back pressed against the cement wall and not have to worry about being joined.

Until today.

It had been about an hour since he stepped outside when he felt a presence next to him. He let out a little incredulous laugh at the sight. It was literally the last person he wanted to see right now.

"I'm really sorry about Haley."

"Not your fault Keller." Lucas said, and then felt sorry he did. He knew that Chris really didn't care about Haley, that he was friends with both Haley and Nathan and genuinely concerned. It was just hard to forget this was also the guy who had swooped in and stole the love of his life while he wasn't looking. Lucas sighed. "How's Peyton?"

Chris stared at him a moment considering the question and then shrugged. "Two steps forward. One step back. Pretty sure that girl will never get a chance to be happy long enough to trust it."

Lucas nodded. He knew that truth all too well. "You two still good?"

Chris let out a mirthless laugh and shook his head. "Yeah Lucas, we're good."

Lucas looked away. He didn't expect any different, but he had hoped maybe just maybe Chris and Peyton had fizzled back to friends who lived together. It was stupid, but without confirmation otherwise, it was better to hope.

"Good," he said because it was expected.

Chris saw right through him. "I doubt you mean that."

Lucas grinned then, glad they weren't tiptoeing around the truth anymore. "I don't, but for Peyton's sake, I'll pretend."

"How very noble of you."

_Noble._ Lucas rolled the word around on his tongue. It sounded so far away. "Yeah that's me. Mr. Noble."

"Part of me knows this is useless, but I'm gonna say it anyway." Chris pushed himself off the cement wall. "I know you fight dirty. I know it's probably got something to do with who your father is and I know just mentioning Dan Scott's name could probably get me a black eye, but I'm putting it out there. You fight dirty. You use emotional situations to get things to work to your advantage. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it, but I've heard Peyton layout your history enough times to notice the pattern even if you don't."

"You've got nothing to be afraid of," Lucas said, careful to keep all emotion, good or bad, off his face. "Peyton made her choice."

"She always does. And you always seem to make sure you want the opposite." Chris's hands started to curl into fists.

Lucas took two large strides towards Chris so that they were face to face. "All you know is half the story told from a skewed perspective. You don't know anything about me, Keller."

Chris backed away. "You're right I don't know you, Lucas, and I hope I never know what it's like to be you."

* * *

Peyton was pretty sure this moment now ranked number one on her list of 'reasons why life would always be worth it.' Watching Nathan hold his daughter for the first time, witnessing him pull her close to his chest and laugh and for just a moment forget that there was so much crap waiting outside this nursery – well that was something.

They sat with the baby for awhile, every few minutes Peyton looked towards the door, wondering if she should slip away and give Nathan some time for himself, but every time she did Nathan looked at her and smiled and she knew he didn't want to be alone.

"How's school?" Nathan asked. It was the first words they had exchanged since they placed the baby girl in his lap. Peyton raised an eyebrow. It seemed to be such an absurd question for the circumstances. Nathan laughed. "Don't look at me like that. It's either talk about inane stuff like school or starting blathering about how my wife could die at any second."

Peyton laughed in turn, accepting the idea to push aside the looming tragedy because it's what she wanted too. "It's fine. How about you?"

"Okay. Haley and I both took next semester off to get ready for the baby. It's kind of a relief because I have no idea what to major in." Nathan said, a quick frown spreading across his face at having mentioned Haley. He quickly changed the subject. "Did Keller make the trip with you?"

Just the mention of his name made Peyton smile. "Yep."

And then her smile turned into a tiny frown. She hadn't seen him for awhile. In fact she had left him alone with Brooke and in the close vicinity of Lucas. Who knows what he was going through.

Nathan seemed to read her mind. "Brave man."

"I love him," Peyton blurted out, happy to finally have someone to talk to who might understand. "And I'm totally gonna screw this up."

"Stop saying that. You've been with him for almost a year and not even Lucas could break you up." Nathan paused and smirked deviously. "Yet."

"Oh God." Peyton buried her face in her hands.

"I'm kidding," Nathan laughed, and for awhile it was just like old times. The baby let out a tiny cry and Nathan instinctively cuddled her closer. "She looks just like Haley. Seriously. A spitting image."

Peyton peered closer. "She looks like a baby."

"No she's got Haley's nose. And her mouth." Nathan looked back up at Peyton and smiled, "She's absolutely perfect."

"That she is." Peyton agreed.

It was as if something suddenly clicked. Peyton saw the gears in Nathan's head turning and then he turned to her. "Would you mind sitting with her for awhile?"

"Sure. You're not going back to your room to sulk though are you?"

Nathan shook his head. "No. I'm going to go visit my wife and tell her all about our beautiful, healthy baby girl."

* * *

For awhile, Peyton just stood there, pacing around the baby's crib, until she realized it probably wasn't a good idea to pace in the nursery, and then she just stared at the tiny wonder in front of her.

The nurse had come in to check the baby and smiled. "You can hold her you know."

Peyton really didn't need to be told twice.

At first, it just felt surreal. Peyton had held babies before. Hell she had spent a few months raising one with Jake, but there was something about holding Nathan and Haley's daughter that made her head spin.

Nathan had said the baby looked just like Haley and maybe he was right, but all Peyton saw when she looked down at her was Nathan. Maybe that's why she started talking.

"You know, your parents really are lucky. You're absolutely amazing. I think everyone says that about babies, but I don't know, there's just something about you." The baby cooed and Peyton took it as a sign to keep going. "You're really lucky too. You've got great parents. Your daddy is one of the strongest people I know. He's also really smart too, but please don't tell him that. He's got a little problem with his ego, but that's nothing you can't handle. You haven't met your mommy yet but you will soon. She's a fighter. And I don't think there's anyone on this Earth who'd fight harder to meet you. Your family is kind of perfect."

"Chris has a perfect family too." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and then once they were there they just kept flowing. "His parents have been together forever. And he's got too little sisters who worship the ground he walks on. I saw a picture of his childhood home once – there was a white picket fence and a dog. It was kind of crazy."

Peyton trailed off unsure of where her own thoughts were going, but then the baby grabbed her finger pulling her attention back to her, like she wanted Peyton to keep talking. It was insane to think that the content made any difference. She probably just liked the sound of Peyton's voice. It didn't stop Peyton from finishing her thought. "He wants me to meet them. Which is great but also terrifying because that means something right. That he wants this for us." She motioned to the baby as if she would understand the gesture. "A family."

Peyton could see it vaguely. Herself with a little boy and little girl, building forts in the living room and doing art projects at the kitchen table. It wasn't completely terrifying. "What do you think Baby Scott? You think I'd be a good mother?"

"I think you'd be great."

The voice caught her off guard, but the smile that followed came natural. Lucas looked the same, maybe a little older around the eyes from lack of sleep. But the mannerisms were all there, the easy smile, the loose posture, the unsure laugh. He was still as handsome as she remembered. It was a dangerous thought.

"How long have you been there?"

"Not long. Just caught that last part." Lucas moved into the room. "Though I'd love to know what else you've been confessing to Baby Scott."

Peyton felt a blush settle over her cheeks. She couldn't imagine how awkward this conversation would have been if he had heard the whole conversation. "This kid needs a name," she said nervously.

He didn't say anything to that. She wasn't sure where the conversation was supposed to head next. Lucas seemed content to just stare at her with the same flattering yet disconcerting zoned in attention he always had. Peyton cleared her throat. "How have you been?"

Lucas shook his head. "I'm fine. Thanks to you."

Peyton laughed. "Me?"

"You got Nathan here, and now I know Haley's going to be fine."

The way he said it with no hesitation made her heart clench. It was so familiar. "I'll always admire that."

"What?"

"The way you actually believe in good outcomes." Peyton said, and then for some reason she hadn't acknowledged, she added, "And the power of true love."

"Well," Lucas said, kneeling in front of her in what appeared to be an attempt to get a closer look at the baby. Peyton had a feeling there was an angle behind it, but stayed quiet. "Nothing can stop true love for very long."

So there it was.

Peyton didn't say anything, instead she looked back at the baby and smiled. She swore she saw the little thing roll its eyes. She was on to Lucas too. Peyton laughed.

Lucas must of found that endearing more than anything else. "So you really think about having kids."

"Sure, maybe."

"Does Chris wants kids?"

Peyton's eyes narrowed and Lucas put his hands up as if surrendering. "I don't know," Peyton said and then added quickly. "We haven't talked about it. I think he does, though. He comes from a big family."

Peyton looked up and saw a strange emotion play over Lucas' face. She wanted to chalk it up to something like regret or bittersweet acceptance, but it was too pensive to be just that. It was almost as if the answer disappointed him, but she couldn't understand why. "What?"

Lucas shook his head and attempted a smile. "Nothing."

Peyton frowned. "Lucas."

He opened his mouth to say something, but the sight of Chris running through the door, bouncing up and down on his heels like a toddler bursting at the seams with a secret broke the moment. "Hey!"

"Hey." Peyton said. "Well you look awfully happy."

"Haley woke up," Chris blurted. "One minute with Nathan and she just popped back up like nothing had happened. Well, except she kind of sounds like a four pack a day smoker because they removed the breathing tube and all, but you get my drift."

"Oh thank God," Lucas sighed, sounding more tired than anything. The tension drained from his body, and his forehead grazed Peyton's knee and for moment he laid his head there. Peyton instinctively ran her fingers through his hair. It was just a split second before she caught herself and instinctively looked for Chris as to apologize, but he just rolled his eyes as if the whole scene just amused him.

"I'm gonna go call Brooke and let her know. She's going to be so pissed she went home to change when she did." Lucas stood up and headed towards the door. He stopped there, hesitating before turning back to Peyton. "It's amazing, huh? The power of love."

Peyton didn't know whether to strangle him for being so blatant and cheesy or to get up and hug him.

"Did he just quote Celine Dion?" Chris turned to Peyton hoping she had heard it too, but she was in her own world, staring at the spot where Lucas had just been. "Hey, Blondie."

Chris's voice shook Lucas's strange behavior from her head. Suddenly her smile was back. "Yes, Keller?"

"Want to go say hi to Haley?"

"Yeah, come on." Peyton went to stand, but Chris stopped her, taking the baby from her hands first.

"We got to put this little one back first," he said softly. His tone of voice was one she rarely heard. Happy and soothing and maybe just a tiny bit wistful.

_Do you want kids? _She felt the question on the tip of her tongue but it couldn't push forward. There was something nagging at the back of her mind, something hiding in her conversation with Lucas that made her hesitate.

Less than twenty-four hours back in this town and Lucas was already in her head.

She wrapped her arm around Chris's waist and he instinctively pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. For a minute, she closed her eyes and pictured NYU, the studio, their apartment – all the places she had called come this past year. She was able to let go of the breath she had been holding since they landed.

She still didn't ask him about kids.

Consider it breaking even.

_Run fast for your mother; run fast for your father  
Run for your children all your sisters and brothers  
Leave all your love and your longing behind.  
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive_


	17. The Broken Lovers With the Poison Cup

**Author's Note: **Hi. I don't even know if people still read OTH fic, but I feel compelled to finish this darn story. I've always figured there were roughly two chapters left. And I'm determined to finish these last two chapters. So here it goes.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters. I also do not own "Vampire Smile" by Kyla LaGrange.

_baby you have a choice,_

_cause you burn my ears with your magic voice._

_i'm a paper doll, you can tear me up,_

_we'll be the broken lovers with the poison cup._

For a woman who had just given birth and been in a coma for as long as she had been, Haley looked fantastic.

It was hard for Peyton to really believe her eyes once she entered the room. Haley had that ethereal glow that people always said came with motherhood, but which Peyton had never believed. Now, Peyton remembered the photo of Ellie tucked in her leather jacket and how she always assumed it had been the lighting that brought it alive. Clearly it had been more.

"Peyton Sawyer," Haley said. Her voice cracked and it was only then that Peyton could tell how much she had been through. Haley beckoned her forward and Peyton took a seat next to the bed.

Peyton asked how she was and Haley was never one to complain. They talked about college and the new baby and Haley thanked Peyton profusely for pulling Nathan out of the darkness he was so prone to without his wife. And then mid-conversation, Haley changed course.

"So you're still with Chris, huh?" she finally said. The lack of transition had stunned Peyton into silence. Not that she could have said anything what with Haley intent on elaborating. "I saw him in the window when I woke up, and not that I don't think he would have came and visited me if you weren't together, but I'm 95% sure that I'm right."

Haley looked at her poignantly and Peyton realized it was a cue for her to confirm it. She managed to stutter out a reply. "Yes. We're still together."

Haley nodded, "Interesting."

Peyton scoffed, leaning back in her chair. It was strange how easily she relaxed once she was put on the defensive. "Will you be lecturing me too?"

"No," Haley frowned. It was more directed at the suggestion than at Peyton's life choices. Peyton counted it as a tiny victory. "I'm a little disappointed that it took me almost dying to get you back to Tree Hill."

"I've been busy," Peyton said, but even she couldn't believe her words. "I've been avoiding it."

"Can't say I blame you," Haley shrugged and then winced in pain. Peyton instinctively moved forward but Haley shook her off. "This place is like a magnet for tragedies. And heartbreak."

"Yeah." Peyton's knee gave a twinge as if to remind her. She rubbed at it subconsciously, being sure to look at the ground when she did so. "I'm happy. I've never been happy before."

"How's it feel?" Haley smiled as if it were that simple. For Haley, maybe it was. She came from a good home with a happy family whose biggest concern was there were too many children to love. Haley met her soul mate at sixteen and not once did either of them ever doubt they were the ones for each other. Haley was a mother at nineteen, and while most women would be freaking out over that prospect, Haley smiled because for her it would always be that simple.

For Peyton, with her two dead mothers, her father that was always gone, her soul mate who never really committed to her and the boyfriend whose love she'd never know how to trust, it was impossible to believe she'd ever know a carefree smile.

"Weird." Peyton admitted, "I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I've never had someone love me and only me."

"Lucas loved you and only you. Before. When you didn't know he existed." Haley argued, and Peyton had to give her credit. She would always be Team Lucas. It was required of her.

Peyton shook her head. "I'm not sure that counts."

"Hey." Haley waited until Peyton looked back up at her. "We're friends, and even if Lucas is my best friend I'm never going to be that person who pushes him at you. I know there's a lot of damage that happened there. But I figured it didn't hurt to remind you."

"I know he did," Peyton said and the amended it, "I know he does."

"But?" Haley asked.

"But I love Chris," Peyton said, "And I think it's enough."

* * *

Peyton found Chris outside the nursery.

He was keeping Nathan company as they prepared Baby Scott to see her mother. Both men were carrying on a conversation, but neither could take their eyes off the little one as she was maneuvered into the rolling bed. Peyton waited until Nathan and his baby were on the move, waited until Chris stayed behind staring at the children left before she slid beside him. Chris instinctively raised his arm and let her tuck under it. For awhile, they were silent.

"I want to have kids." Peyton blurted out and she waited for Chris to tense beside her, but he didn't.

"Right now?" he said, "I'm pretty sure their parents would miss them. Except maybe that couple in the corner. Three in one shot. I'm sure they wouldn't mind if we took one off their hands. Boy or girl?"

Peyton allowed herself a soft laugh before slapping him lightly on the chest. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"I know." Chris said, amusement laced in his voice. Peyton felt relief knowing he wasn't freaked out by the idea. "I want kids too. I'd also like to get married someday. Is that something you'd be down with?"

"Yes," Peyton found herself saying though she wasn't sure when marriage had become such a viable option. She suddenly remembered the way Lucas had looked at her when she mentioned the idea of starting a family with Chris, the way his disappointment had manifested in a way that had little to do with his jealousy over Chris – almost as though he had expected more out of Peyton. Peyton had once too.

"Okay then." Chris said. Suddenly he looked at her with concern. "What's this really about Peyton?"

"Nothing." Peyton shook her head and put on her best smile. "I'm going to grab lunch with Brooke. Think you can keep yourself entertained for an hour or so?"

Chris didn't seem entirely convinced but he managed a weak smile. "Of course. I'm going to have the guys down on Main Street tune my guitar. You'd think with all the music shops in New York, I could find someone halfway decent."

Peyton shrugged, "There are some things that Tree Hill will always do best."

Chris smirked, "Teen weddings and guitars."

* * *

"So. What's new with you?" Brooke twirled her straw between her two fingers and wiggled her eyebrows. Beneath the good natured smile, there was a silent accusation. Peyton knew better than to respond. Instead she smiled her best smile.

"I moved in with Chris. Eight months now."

"Impressive," Brooke nodded.

"How about you? How's your boyfriend?"

"We broke up." Brooke waved it off and Peyton knew right away he hadn't been serious. She could always tell with Brooke. "He wanted to go to Paris without me. Actually I think he wanted me to just leave Haley like this and go with him. Whatever. It was fun while it lasted."

"Paris, huh?"

"I have a fashion show there this winter."

Peyton nearly dropped her drink. "Seriously?"

"You would have known all about this if you had checked in with your BFF in the past eight months instead of just facebook stalking her." Brooke said, "I'm interning for one of these obscure designers who does their spring show ridiculously early. It's either going to be a trendsetter or a total bust, but like my Product Development teacher always says, 'go big or go home.' My name won't be on any of the work even though I'm the one hand stitching it all, but at least it's a foot in the door, and I'm pretty sure I'll die happy having seen spring fashion week in Paris up close and personal."

Peyton watched how Brooke glowed with confidence as she talked. She never doubted that her best friend would make a name for herself in fashion, but she never could have imagined this soon out of high school she would have started making waves. "I'm proud of you, Brooke."

Brooke smiled softly. It was softer than Peyton expected and filled with nostalgia. "You remember our plan?"

"I sure do," Peyton said. When they were children, they planned to bolt to Paris after high school. Brooke would work her way into the fashion scene and Peyton into the art world. For money they would bartend or bust tables until one of them made their break. Whoever got in first would be sure to take the other with them. Eventually, they succumbed to the ideal that they would go to college first, but Peyton was happy Brooke still found a way to get herself to Paris. "I'm glad you stuck to it."

"I wish I didn't have to do it alone." Brooke said. "You know the program I'm interning through is looking for art history majors and a NYU background makes you a shoe-in. We'd be in Paris together."

Peyton frowned, not because the idea wasn't a good one but because the timing seemed impossible. "I've got a lot going on in New York."

"Keller would approve." Brooke said, reading her mind. "Besides you owe me. We would have so much fun together in Paris."

"Paris, huh?"

Peyton barely managed to contain her exasperated sigh when she heard that voice. It was as if Lucas had a sensor that went off any time Peyton had the slightest hesitation about her life choices so that he could swoop in and make things more complicated.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Broody. We've had like ten minutes together."

He was standing behind her, but Peyton just knew that he had put his hands up defensively. "I was picking up lunch for everyone at the hospital."

Peyton didn't say anything, but she watched Brooke stare back and forth between her and the spot over Peyton's shoulder where Lucas must have been. Peyton felt as though they were having a silent conversation without her knowledge, but she refused to turn around and look at Lucas if she didn't have to.

Before Peyton could change her mind, something shifted on Brooke's face and she stood up. "Fine, Broody, I'm giving you five minutes."

"You don't need to give him anything." Peyton said, but it was too late. Brooke was grabbing her purse and heading towards the counter to flirt with the bartender. She tried one last attempt to get her friend's attention. "Brooke!"

"Looks like you're stuck with me." Lucas said, as he took the chair next to her instead of the one across from her that Brooke had been occupying. She spared him a glance and immediately regretted it. His smile was infectious and it made the eye roll she had prepared more playful than serious.

"You should go to Paris," he said, not wasting any of his time on pleasantries. "Didn't you always tell me you were going to see the Louvre someday? And d'Orsay and Rodin? Cruise the Vedettes du Pont-Neuf and leave a shot for Jim Morrison in Pere-Lachaise."

"Yes I did," Peyton admitted, "And some day I will do all of that."

"You said you were going to do it all when you graduated," Lucas said, "Because – and this is a Peyton Sawyer quote – the world was meant to be explored before you drink your way through your twenties."

"Things change," Peyton said, trying not to marvel at the fact that he had remembered those conversations. "You should know all about that. I remember you being quite fond of making promises and then not being able to keep them."

Instead of stinging Lucas like the words were intended, he smiled as if she had just proven his point. "This isn't about us. It's about you. You had dreams that weren't centered on babies and weddings and live-in boyfriends."

Peyton sighed this time. "When you love someone, you have to have that conversation. You have to make sure you're on the same page and that's what Chris and I are doing. Neither of us is saying we want any of that now."

"Don't settle," Lucas said, "New York is great. It's perfect for you. It understands you. NYU is probably one of the few places that will ever truly recognize just how brilliant you are. I have no doubt that if you stayed there you would do great things, but I also know that it would be easy and you have never been satisfied with things that came easy."

"We're not talking about New York."

"We're talking about your whole life." Lucas boldly reached out and grabbed her hand. She flinched and tried to pull back but his grip only tightened. "I know you better than anyone. You may think that's arrogant and maybe you'd be right about that much, but Peyton, I know you. You almost did this with Jake. Don't do it with Keller too."

Peyton stared down at their intertwined hands because it was easier than looking him in the eye. All Peyton had ever wanted was a family, but what she truly needed was so much more complex. She had spent so much of her time trying to make sure that she held onto the men in her life that she had forgotten all of her other dreams.

"Peyton," Lucas whispered, and Peyton felt her eyes clench shut at the sound. She pulled her hand away quickly and pushed away from the table.

"I can't do this right now. Tell Brooke I'm sorry."

* * *

Their hotel room was better than she expected. She didn't know how much of that had to do with the amenities and how much of it had to do with the sweet sounds of Chris's latest single that rolled through her as she opened their door. The guitar guys had worked their magic.

When Chris saw her, he smiled, and knowing what came next, Peyton never wanted that moment to end. "It sounds great."

"I know, right? Do you think I could convince the studio to pay these guys to move to New York?" Chris shook his head before he had even finished the question. "Never mind. New York would probably taint them."

"Probably," Peyton said, managing a smile. It must have been a weak one because Chris immediately recognized it and frowned, "What's wrong with you, babe? Something's been off with you ever since Haley woke up which is pretty strange considering that's awesome news."

Peyton took a seat beside him on the edge of the bed. She took the time to remove the guitar from his hands and gently place it behind them. Then she took both those hands and cradled them in her lap. She could feel the calluses against her palms and the familiar feel of it centered her. "You know I love you right?"

"I already don't like where this is going." Chris said.

"I love you so much that I don't even know what to do with it. It's like pure happiness. And that's something I've never really had a chance to feel before. So sometimes I wonder if it's even real or if I just wanted it so bad that I made myself feel it."

"It's real," Chris interjected and Peyton nodded but continued.

"I want to settle down in that shitty studio apartment with you forever. I want to have long phone conversations with you while you're on tour or I'm away at art shows. I want us to cook crappy welcome home meals for each other. I want the wedding and the kids and everything else."

"I want that too," Chris said, and while she expected him to try and take over the conversation from there, he proved her wrong and let her finish. She should have felt grateful but she dreaded continuing.

Peyton took a deep breath, "But there was a time, I wanted that with someone else, and I don't know what it means that I can still spend five minutes with Lucas and let him convince me that all the things I want in life aren't actually what I want."

She watched the breath drain out of Chris in one foul swoop and she knew he wouldn't fight her on this. "It's what he does."

"He's right though. There are things I always wanted to do that I'm not doing and I don't want to wake up one day and realize that the reason I didn't do them was because I was afraid of putting any space between us. Because I was afraid that if I did, I'd fall back in love with him."

Peyton paused, and waited for Chris to look her in the eye again. "When I'm with you, it's you and only you. But when I'm around him…"

She couldn't finish that sentence, and Chris didn't make her. He had promised her a long time ago that he never would. Instead he took a deep breath. "What do you need to do?"

* * *

_3 days later_

The sight of Peyton at the door with her bags was not something Lucas could have predicted. In fact, it left him nearly speechless.

It had been three days since he had given Peyton a meticulously planned speech about how she was wasting her life at NYU when she could have been in Paris with Brooke doing what she always wanted. He had assumed that she and Chris had hightailed it back to New York. Brooke had refused to confirm or deny it and Nathan and Haley were too busy fawning over their baby that they didn't even notice if anyone else came or went. Tree Hill was too small of a town for Peyton to disappear in which meant she had either holed up in her hotel room or returned to school and buried her head in the sand, ignoring his heeding.

Apparently, Lucas had never learned his lesson about assumptions.

"You left him," he managed to splutter out. Peyton shook her head but Lucas couldn't be sure whether it was directed at his assumption or at his blundering attempt at communication in general.

"I should have waited," Peyton said. "How I felt about you – how I've always felt about you – those feelings were strong enough that I should have trusted them. I should have given you a chance when you told me you felt the same way. I should have chosen you and not Chris. But the thing is Lucas, I keep telling myself I should have done those things and I can't for the life of me figure out why I didn't do them. That has to mean something."

Lucas took a moment to process those words. As a writer he was always struck by how Peyton managed to convey two things at the very same time.

"I didn't leave him," Peyton clarified finally.

"You're going back to New York," Lucas said.

"No," Peyton said, "I'm going to Europe because it's something I always wanted to do, because this thing with Chris is headed in a very serious direction and you were right, I haven't had a chance to stand on my own two feet yet. I need to know that I can do that before it goes any further. And I need to be sure that I am over you because I'm not sure."

"How long will you be gone this time?" Lucas asked.

"NYU's study abroad program goes three months. Brooke's coming with me. She's going to stay for the baby's christening and then meet me out there."

Lucas nodded. "I think that's a wonderful idea."

"I can't promise that I'll have all the answers when I get back, but I think it will be a good start for me." Peyton glanced down at her watch. "I should go. I need to catch my flight back to New York. I have to finish up some paperwork at NYU and be on a flight to Paris by this weekend."

"Well, at least I'm getting a goodbye this time," Lucas said. Peyton hesitated at the words before pushing herself up and planted a soft kiss on Lucas's cheek, "Goodbye Lucas."

* * *

The week leading up to her departure was one of the most awkward weeks of her life. She and Chris both tried to make it seem as though nothing was different, but it was. Something had definitely shifted and the more they ignored it, the more it showed itself. Chris had understood why she had to do what she was doing but that didn't mean he liked it or that he didn't wish things had been different, and Peyton wished so badly that she could have been an easier girlfriend. He deserved at least that and more.

In the meantime, Chris spent more time at the studio and Peyton spent time with Carly who still couldn't believe she managed to get study abroad as a freshman. _You're so lucky, Sawyer –_ Carly would say, and Peyton felt like saying – _you don't know the half of it._

On the night she left for Paris, Chris accompanied her to the airport. They stood in front of the baggage check while Peyton pretended she was checking she had everything when really she was trying to figure out a way to say goodbye. Chris caught on quickly.

"This week sucked pretty bad, huh?" he said.

"It was the worst," Peyton admitted, "I just keep telling myself it's all for the best."

"It is," Chris said, "You know how much I hate admitting it, but Lucas has a point. You haven't really had a chance to spread your wings. You came to New York for me."

"Yeah, but I stayed for us."

"I'll still be here when you get back," Chris said, "And I know in my heart, you'll come back to me."

Peyton smiled, happy to see a glimpse of his confidence shining through. She wrapped her arms around his neck and felt the whole world shift into place as he pulled her close, pressing his lips against hers in a sweet kiss. "I would never count you out, Keller."

"Damn straight," Chris grinned, kissing her again until the first boarding call for Peyton's flight was announced.

"I have to go," Peyton sighed as she pulled away. She tugged on the lapels of Chris's denim jacket, straightening them as best she could. "I love you."

"Love you too," Chris said, "Goodbye, Peyton."

Peyton nodded, unwilling to utter the words back. She turned to head through security. Afterwards, she spared one last glance over her shoulder once she had been cleared, expecting to find Chris still there, but he had already slipped through the crowd. She could see the back of his head in the distance and the sight sent a chill through her.

Two minutes alone and she already felt terrified.

_baby you need to leave,_

_and I know you know_

_that's why you keep ignoring me_

_because if you don't,_

_gonna run me down, let myself go._

**A/N2: One chapter left. Chris or Lucas? Which boy are you hoping she chooses?  
**


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